Opening+my situation...

[Drogba88]

First thanks for all your posts...
i think that these things want to know every men...
so you see some girl in school,on bus,in library,it is not matter where...how should you start that conversation if you dont know her...what would you say...how would you behave...
and most of all what is that winning tactic to be with every girl you want...this was question for all us guys...we want to know that...hope i am not alone here...
Now i have my sort of problem here...not problem but this girl....my friend went with this girl 8 year in school...2 weeks ago he met her accidentally when i was with him...he did not introduce us to each other...but i told him next we met her that he sure will introduce us....so this girl is 18years old,go to best "the smartest" school in city and country...she probably never had boyfriend...maybe 1 or 2...her best friend is a guy with who my friend also went 8 years in school...he is okay...he is blind on one eye...i dont want to offend anybody...but he is low social value(not because eye..!)...and that all tells you how this girl is...for this girl i need a little bit different approach...so who want to help...THANKS...who dont want...THANKS ANYWAY

[Drogba88]

just to make it clear... her best friend is really okay guy...and he is kind,polite,intelligent,behaving great...but you know how it is...in this years girls are looking for some stupid "brave" bad behave boys...i think you know what i want to say...he is now for most of people kind of boring...and he is also blind on one eye...that desnot matter i just want you to know with what kind of peoples she is hanging...you know that most of people go for outside look...she is obviously different and also very smart...so what approach is best for her...

[GrkScorp]

just to make it clear... her best friend is really okay guy...and he is kind,polite,intelligent,behaving great...but you know how it is...in this years girls are looking for some stupid "brave" bad behave boys...i think you know what i want to say...he is now for most of people kind of boring...and he is also blind on one eye...that desnot matter i just want you to know with what kind of peoples she is hanging...you know that most of people go for outside look...she is obviously different and also very smart...so what approach is best for her...

Wow, sounds like a keeper.. (sarcasm)

Don't worry, the guy isn't competition, so just think of him like an other girl, a girl you're not attracted to..

Kind, polite, behaving (cough cough.. wussy.. cough cough.. little nice boy.. cough cough.. unattractive!.. cough cough)

Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not saying you shouldn't behave well.. Smart/intelligent girls also want a smart/intelligent guy.. BUT.. what every woman wants, is..., a..., man..

You don't need to be a bad-boy.. smart women aren't looking for a bad boy, because when they think "bad-boy" they think "most likely to be poor, do nothing with his life".. and think less "he's so hot, sexy, exciting"..

What you should pick up on and extract from this bad-boy appeal is exactly what women love about the bad-boy.. that he's a man.. strong, unaffected, care-free, powerful, aggressive, assertive, in control, a leader, unpredictable, filled with passion and energy..

Now, take that, and add onto it the qualities of a nice-guy (like her half-blind friend).. sensitive (not in general; just to her), understanding, protective, supportive, motivating, affectionate, thoughtful, comforting, loving

I hope you can see the two sides of the coin.. (physical/sexual satisfaction, and emotional satisfaction)..

Immature girls will often fall immediately for sexual satisfaction and give in to the thrill of fun, excitement, unpredictability.. (don't judge, immature guys fall for the same type of satisfaction, and some never change).. but they will also overlook the emotional satisfaction aspect and not judge it properly, resulting to stories about physically/emotionally abusive boyfriends, neglection, or cheating..

Older women, besides being interested in financial satisfaction, are more interested in emotional satisfaction; which leads to them being eventually bored, not sexually satisfied, and leading to cheating on their part..

This is why mature women, (age not being a factor), are looking for the "perfect man".. with both physical/sexual satisfaction, emotional satisfaction, and as she gets older, financial satisfaction..

So take those qualities, from both types, and combine them.. Explore yourself, and see what part of you fits into those qualities.. find them, and really get a good feel for them.. then, let them grow.. feel more comfortable with each aspect of yourself that fits into those qualities.. and just explore them.. let them come out.. feel what it means for you to be that perfect man.. and find that natural combination of your own qualities..

(Do not act.. being the perfect man is NOT being someone you're not.. you have the qualities it takes to be this man, it's just a matter of realizing them, not faking them)

You can do 1 of 2 things..

Be this powerful man who she'll find out has this sensitive side.. (many of my guy friends go this route; it works really well, I just don't prefer it, because it's not who I am.. but you can go this route if you choose to.. Be the powerful man who's strong and unaffected, but who makes her feel special, slowly.. letting her discover his understanding and sensitive nature.. and how it slowly applies only to her, is respectful to others, but affectionate and loving with her in due time.. making her feel like the only woman in the world that matters..)

Be this nice guy, who she'll find out isn't weak, but is powerful..
(It's a nice filtering mechanism to not attract immature women who are just attracted to the bad-boy/powerful-man lure.. and when you do attract a mature woman, she'll know you're nice, that's afterall your face value.. but she'll also discover on her own, your powerful manly side, your sexual appeal, and will feel lucky to have found such a guy)

It's not a question of opening.. because you already know her friend.. just talk to her friend, and ask him to call her out to join you guys some time.. make sure it's just the three of you.. and make sure you get friendly with her friend first! You don't want him to get in the way..

That's how you get in.. it's very simple.. that's almost the easiest situation to ask for.. only short of asking her to fall in your lap or come knocking on your door with nothing on but her undies and a bottle of whipped cream..

If she hasn't been with any other guys, and is intelligent/smart.. chances are she'll be more flattered than you'd think by you paying attention to her.. (unless you're not the only guy who's done that)..

Your situation sounds a little too good to be true.. but just get friendly with her friend, then ask him to call her out with you guys one day.. and then do her the favor of making her feel comfortable come in as strong, happy, non-needy, and content with yourself (know thy self).. and just take it from there..

[GrkScorp]

so you see some girl in school,on bus,in library,it is not matter where...how should you start that conversation if you dont know her...what would you say...how would you behave...

When I finished with a seminar I attended, I was eager to go out and apply everything I learned.. Like it was some kind of magic/secret code.. I went out, got new shirts, new pants, new shoes, belts, everything.. I spent weeks taking care of my skin, giving attention to every detail, and hours fixing my hair and getting ready.. to go out..

I still remember the first night I went out.. "nothing" happened.. nobody came up to me, despite all that effort I took, and the people I went up to, all talked very shorty just to be polite, and then stopped talking..

But in that one night, I learned more than the entire seminar.. that this is what young women go through day in and day out.. spending so much time, money, and effort on themselves, and looking for attention..

Go out to clubs and bars.. the women there are begging for attention.. it bothers them when they go out and nobody cares to look at them with their new "Gucci bag, "fcuk me" heals, low cut/tight shirt, and super-mini skirt".. these girls aren't looking to get picked up, they're not looking to meet guys as their new potential boyfriend.. all they're looking for is male attention, to validate themselves about the way they look and how attractive others think she is..

But, to keep things simple.. women WANT guys to open up and talk to them.. they WANT guys to hit on them.. and at the same time.. they DON'T want this from guys.. (What?)

Yes, women want a guy to start talking to them, but they don't want to feel like they're being hit-on.. It's a fine balance, that sounds more impossible and difficult than it really is..

Why?

- Imagine being hit-on by this ugly girl, this girl that you just don't find attractive, and she's dumb as a brick, and not the least bit interesting, or fun, or feminine, nothing is attractive about her.. but she came up to you saying "hey hot stuff, my name is Amy, what's yours?".. you know exactly where she's going with this.. and you're flattered, but at the same time, you find yourself in a very uncomfortable situation.. "wanting to get rid of her, but not wanting to be mean either and hurt her feelings"..

- Now, imagine that same girl, walks over on her way out and asks "Is that rice pudding!?!?".. and the conversation unfolds on that.. she's just created "face-value".. now, if you end the interaction.. you're not rejecting "her".. you're rejecting the "face-value"..

- Now, imagine that an attractive girl comes up to you.. and opens you with (no-face).. you're flattered, and you like her.. but society and your friends are judging you.. they're making you feel like a "wh0re, a slut, cheap, easy, etc" if you just go through with this.. If things continue, it's because YOU allowed them to continue.. it's now "your fault" (look, I know guys don't have this pressure, but just imagine it for a second)

- Now, imagine this attractive girl comes up to you and opens with (face).. maybe so well that you don't even see where it's going, maybe you're too caught up in the (face).. but there's (face).. now you're just going along with it.. it's not your fault.. you can't be judged.. she just asked you about rice pudding.. and you just started talking, and she's interesting, and you like her, and "it just happened", naturally, like it was fate.. and who are you to deny fate? (again, this isn't a fantasy of yours, but now it is, it has to be for you to understand how to open)

Plausable Deniability: (Face), this is perhaps the only thing that's seperating wonderful guys from wonderful girls.. affording women (face) to work with.. But it's not always verbal.. it's largely non-verbal!

As my friend Maria says.. "You can just tell, when a guy doesn't have a girlfriend, is desperate, and is just looking around waiting for his chance to hit on someone.. He walks in, looks around, checks out girls, is either there alone or with a couple of guy friends, and shakes as he comes up to talk to you, he's nervous, because he knows he's not even worth your time.. he has no (face)" (yes, that's where I got the term "face" from)

So, before you even open, you have to have VERY strong Inner Game, and complete self-awareness of yourself, and be completely and totally comfortable with who you really are.. secure in the value you have to offer others, including this woman.. So secure, that you don't need to turn yourself into a circus, trying to entertain her or win her favor.. because that's not what's going on.. she's trying to win your favor.. all you're doing is opening.. that's your role as a man.. to open.. from there on, it's HER role to win you over.. because she needs you more than you need her.. and she knows this and tries to deny it to herself constantly day in and day out.. but you're not going to help her deny it to herself.. you're going to help her realize that the man she needs and wants is standing right in front of her, and if she doesn't stop denying it to herself, just how valuable this man is to her, he's about to walk out and leave.. and if she doesn't want him to do that.. she's going to have to win him over.. that's her job.. your job is to open.. with strong Inner Game, Plausable deniability, and (face)..

So, how do you open? What do you say so you can keep (face)?

- My honest, and best advice is.. anything that applies.. learn to look out for things.. and learn to spot out (face) instantly, and how to start up a conversation naturally.. (the best way to do this, is to make it your mission to talk to at least 3 strangers each day)..

Examples of natural openers:

(In music store on Ludlow St.) A girl was picking out old-fashioned records, the really big disk-looking things.. She was just begging to be opened:

Me: Do you actually have something to play those on, or are you just decorating your place? (notice how each option, has enough room to follow up and build the conversation on)
Her: No, I actually have a record player
Me: Really? Why? You can just download the songs
Her: You know, you don't really enjoy your favorite bands that way, I mean, there's so much to each band, and you're missing out on the artists if you just download a song or two you like, the whole record is really what the band is about, do you know what I mean?

(In bar, the bartender) I was with my friend Tony who couldn't stop looking at her boobs the whole time, so I had to open quickly right after she gave us our drinks before he would start to hurt the situation (note: don't bring sexually frustrated male friends with you)

Me: Hey, let me ask you something, you don't have to answer if you're not allowed to, but.., (raise my pointer finger, pause, and sip my drink, to demonstrate that it's not important, and that I can wait; rather, to build compliance on her part, very subtle, hehe).. how much do you pull as a bartender on an average night? (notice, how I didn't say "make", she had to think in her mind what I was trying to say when I said "pull", and now that she realized, had to demonstrate that she understood, just additional motivation to answer such an innocent question)
Her: Hmm.. about $200 to $300, i'd say
Me: That's not bad, I don't have time to get the license though.., do you need to be certified or something?
Her: Oh no.. you don't have to have your bartender's license, it's better if you do, but you can learn on your own and still work at the bar as long as you're 21 it's not an issue
Me: So you.., (pause and sip drink again, I know she'll wait, people can't resist but to want to know something that involves themselves).. aren't certified, how did you learn bartending?
Her: (Story about how she learned bartending)
Me: Wow, so how many drinks do you know how to make?
Her: Over 1,000 i'd have to say (brushes shoulders off playfully and smiles)
Me: Can I show you something.., before we play this game, do you have a pen and two empty checks we can use to write on?
Her: Yeah.. what are you going to show me?
Me: Well, this is something I haven't done in a while, it's a memory challenge, you might kick my @ss either really badly, or maybe if you're feeling nice you might let me win, but I have to try since it's not everyday you meet someone who knows 1,000 drinks by hard..
Her: Haha, well, I have a good memory, I just have to warn you.. (learn to smell ego)
Me: (stack onto memory-trick.. and after that.. i'm flowing into conversation)

The point is.. you can have the strongest Inner Game and cognitive frame in the world; but if you can't get creative and perceptive enough to work with what you're given.. then you're not going to create enough plausable deniability or (face) to allow the other person to feel comfortable enough talking to you.. (not to feel like they're being hit on; it's a very uncomfortable feeling)

Also make note.. THERE ARE NO LINES! You don't open with one thing, it has to be something that you can build upon.. and the whole thing is a natural process which requires some training.. constant training.. to come off as smooth and perfectly natural.. You open, then follow up, and eventually hook.. and then you're into conversation.. talking.. The best way to learn is to talk to at least 3 new people (strangers) every day.. (in person!)

[Drogba88]

hey thanks for answer...today when i came to my job...in store was also one girl who works there the same job as me except its for other company...so i came and looked her she looked me...and nothing...there was guy i know who also works there..i talked to him...and then went to work...1hour later i talked to this guy and told him that i "think" that i maybe know her(really i think i know her from somewhere...)while we were talking she just come near us...(not so close that she can hear everything..)then he went and little later she passed by me and give me one long look..when she was passing by...later i also met her accidentally in warehouse..her and my company stuff were next to each other...so i passed by(close)her...and stopped to take some stuff...when i passed by her "ass side" was turned to me..and she was "just then fixing" her jeans hope you understand this...later i really wanted to talk to her and i was looking for her in the store but she already went...if she was there i would first say:SORRY DO WE MAYBE KNOW EACH OTHER?.what do you think about story and opener...

[GrkScorp]

SORRY DO WE MAYBE KNOW EACH OTHER?.what do you think about story and opener...

If it's one thing I remember from WAY back in the day, it's this:

- When guys are out with their friends, what are some of the things you talk about?

- Sports
- Women
- Money & Investing
- Women
- Cars & Homes
- Women
- Politics
- Women
- Economics
- Women
- Philosophy
- Women
- Sex with your gf/wife
- Women

Now, guys are conservative when it comes to other topics, but when it comes to women, they're always highly optimistic.. Listen to guys talk next time, about women, notice how nearly the entire conversation contains positive elements..

Now, what do you think girls talk about? (Young, single, attractive women with no children, around their young, single, attractive female friends who also love kids, but don't have any yet)

- Clothes
- I hate it when guys
- Travel
- I hate it when guys
- Dreams
- I hate it when guys
- T.V.
- I hate it when guys
- Drama & Gossip
- I hate it when guys
- Future Goals
- I hate it when guys
- "The Perfect Man"
- You know what I hate the most? When guys..

Get some female friends, make it perfectly clear that you don't want anything from them but friendship.. that you're just friends.. and let them feel perfectly comfortable around you.. then, go behind enemy lines and listen in on what they're talking about.. You'll start to notice how negative it can be..

Now, one of the things they HATE the most, is when a guy gives up control, over to them, just hands it to them, rips his balls out, strips himself of his masculine nature, and hands her control, putting himself in the weaker place, just to appeal to her, making him the follower, the smaller and weaker individual, now at her mercy, because he thinks it's flattering or attractive, and now expects her to lead.. they HATE it! (D'Angelo)

Why? Well.. because they want a man, and part of the reason, is because they want someone strong, sure of himself, and in control, to take the lead, and lead her.. They want someone like that, so they can follow.. Women HATE initiating almost anything, eye-contact, initial conversation, touch, kissing, exchanging numbers, dates, and especially sex.. So, when all they're looking for is a leader to follow, and you hand over to them this role of the leader, yes, it's flattering, and this rush of power is intoxicating, but it's also an uncomfortable feeling, awkward, and more importantly, unattractive..

So, when you come in, and start the conversation with (SORRY); i'm going to use some cold-reading here and tell you:



(You're going to be your own worst enemy, and nothing will happen when you start off with "sorry" to someone you don't even know)

WHAT ARE YOU SORRY ABOUT? Nothing, that's exactly the point.. so don't EVER start off an interaction with someone new this way..

Secondly.. learn to pay some more attention.. This is the problem with "pick-up-lines" and why they don't work.. You go up to someone and say:

- "Did it hurt? ... When you fell from heaven"
- "My friend said we'd be perfect for eachother"
- "Hi ladies, I don't want to bother you, but may I say how lovely all of you look tonight, there's something so special about you, I don't know what it is"
- "Sorry, do we maybe know eachother?"

It shows that you have no idea how people work, (not to imply that you don't), but what it DOES imply is that you must not be very successful with people, and women are people, so you must not be very successful with women, and if you're not very successful with women, you must be desperate, and if you're desperate and standing there talking to them, then it's clear what your intentions are, not to mention it's very unattractive.. (This rationalization, which is just a "feeling" takes less than a second to make)

So, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.......... PLEASE.., every single day that you walk out of your house, make it your mission, your goal, to talk to "at least" 3 new people, 3 complete strangers, and start a conversation about anything.. Learn to open up conversations naturally, and how to exit from then naturally aswell to not waste your time.. You would be amazed at how far this little routine can take you in just one week.. that's 21 new people in just one week.. 84 in four weeks.. In a month, that's "at least" 90 new people, total strangers you would have opened up naturally to, started talking to, and stopped talking to..

As you get more comfortable with this new daily ritual; you'll start to notice how incredibly EASY it is to automatically and instantly spot out many ways to start up a conversation (with girls you like)..

- What are you reading? Oh, interesting, I saw you really into it and thinking hard, I thought to myself "must be Physics or Math, she must be smart", but.. now that I know it's ____ I take that back.., you know, just the other day..

- You know, you don't have to pretend to be fixing your jeans just to get my attention..

[Asparagoose]

every single day that you walk out of your house, make it your mission, your goal, to talk to "at least" 3 new people, 3 complete strangers, and start a conversation about anything.. Learn to open up conversations naturally, and how to exit from then naturally aswell to not waste your time.. You would be amazed at how far this little routine can take you in just one week.. that's 21 new people in just one week.. 84 in four weeks.. In a month, that's "at least" 90 new people, total strangers you would have opened up naturally to, started talking to, and stopped talking to..

I'm going to start doing this from now on, it can't really hurt.

[Kromat]

Ya, this is a perfect example for people that are currently shy with women..

When I go to a dance club, that's what I ask to do, is dance
I've been taking dancing lessons for about 5 years now, and It has surely made me more open in Public outside of the dance floor, but it surely helps when I'm in that environment, and they seem eager to learn when I ask them for a Cha Cha / Rumba / Merengue / Mambo / Samba or anything slow that plays, I wouldn't mind teaching a Salsa or Jive, but those are too quick and take some time to learn.

P.S. Whatever works for you, that's all that matters in the end to get your nerves away from approaching new people or strangers.