Am I being cruel or am I doing the right thing.

[THX]

I recently broke up with a girl that I really liked. We had no issues other than I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and want ed to end things before she invested any more time/emotions in a dead end proposition.

I wrote her a long letter which took me 7 hours to put togather explaining why I thought this neccisary.

At the end of the letter I wrote that we should not have contact after we had both said what we wanted to say.

She wants to see me and I'm refusing.She is insistant that it is just as friends.However I'm sticking to my guns. I'm not doing it because I don't want to see her. I would love to see her. I'm doing it because I don't want to continue to lure her into an environment where she is unable to detach and let go. To move on and be happy.

My fear is she will feel as though I am throwing her away and that she hasn't/doesn't mean anything to me. I have an ex who I was afraid of sending the same message to and I never refused contact. She is engaged to someone 4 years after our break up and still wants to hold my hand. I think I was "nice" and screwed her over by not having the strenght to be , "Cruel to be kind."

I've moved on for the most part so my feelings are pretty stable at this point. I'm asking you girls am I doing right or wrong by vanishing? Are there any ways which I can show I care for her yet not lure her into prolonged attachment thus pain???

[xxazurexx]

You are doing the right thing IMO and I wish my ex had managed to grow the balls to do the same thing you did and rather than seek me out constantly, give me false hope and knowing full well he'd never be with me again. He was thinking of himself and what he wanted, rather than be thinking of ME and how he was f**king with my head.

In the end, I had to do what you did....I had to break free and let him go. No he didn't like it, but tough. I was thinking of me and what was best for me.

[cherriesontop]

harsh harsh harsh! but i see what your doing. it must hurt her soooo bad not being able to talk to you. it will feel like u have fallen off the face of the planet for her!! but i guess it is like a bit of a band-aid - rip it off straight away and it hurts more... but the pain goes away quicker.
I have had ex's stay in contact with me and i have had ex's loose contact with me. either way.. it still hurts but i guess it is easier to work out where u stand with the ones who stop contacting you than the ones who stay in contact.
it must require so much will to keep strong and not cave in.
good luck with it!

[CrackedStraw]

I think it's very brave of you to do what you are doing. But be careful - you don't want to wind up hurting either party any more than necessary.

[polishchicka]

i personally think that this is wrong ....
you shouldn't just leave her out like that. this is probably affecting her more emotionally than you talking to her.
you should just explain to her more of why you broke up, have you lost feelings for her?
have you started seeing a new person? yes a serious relationship is tough but if you truly care about her , tell her
how you feel. girls are pretty understandable, and if you just want to be friends for now, than thats cool.
but you should deffinately give her another chance