Will I lose my girlfriend?

[ItIsI]

Help me out.

Here's the thing: I've been dating this one girl for a year now. We're both very young (I am barely an adult, she's not even an adult yet), but I do love her very much. I am from Europe and currently am an exchange student at a US university.

This summer (2009) she came to Europe with me and we basically lived together for 6 weeks. The last two weeks were not a pleasant experience - we were getting tired of each other a lot, and I messed things up quite a bit. She left being pissed at me. She left around August 15th.

In September 2009, I was starting as a freshman at the mentioned US university, about 3 hours away from the city where she lived. She's still in high school.

Two weeks after she left my country, she called me and asked me if it'd be a good thing to break up now. I kind-of agreed, so we broke up, basically. But about 3 weeks after that, I realized how much I loved her and wanted to get back together, so I talked to her again. She said we'll talk when I arrive in the US (this all is still going on while I am in Europe and she's in the US). My arrival date was September 19th.

When I arrived, she picked me up from the airport, and we decided to be in an open relationship. That was her idea. At that point, we were at her house. Later that day, her mom took me to my college place. That evening, my girlfriend called me and said that she didn't want to be in an open relationship with me, but she wanted to be exclusive.

Now comes the part where I really messed up - I said I didn't want to be exclusive because I wanted to have sex with other girls (at that point of time, my gf and I had had no sex). She was heartbroken. She even burnt a teddy bear I gave her. I know I am an asshole. Bigtime. Even worse, she called me the next day to ask me if what I said is what I meant and I said "Yes". I'll never forgive myself for that.

I really love her. I apologized 1000s of times to her and she said she accepted the apology. We decided to get back together officially on Halloween.

But, there is a problem.

I asked her "Have you kissed anyone while we weren't dating?" and she answered yes. Which is okay, because I've done the same thing. However, that guy lives really close to her and she admitted she thinks he's very cute. He's also an exchange student! Although she says she does not like his personality (he's kind of gangsta), she still thinks he is cute.

There's worse to come... Her parents will be hosting him starting January 2010. He will be literally living with her for 6 months.

I've been acting like a 14 year old lately... I've been calling her every day, texting her every day etc. which is what we haven't done before. I just got off the phone with her and she said she was in a nearby city (close to hers, not mine) with him, buying some shoes.

Now she says she won't try to date him because she is dating me. But I am not sure whether I know her anymore. For example, she didn't drink while we were together (because I don't drink), but since we broke up, she got drunk twice - with that guy.

She is acting more or less the same towards me. We still feel comfortable around each other etc. However, when I asked her if she loved me, she answered "yes", but she implied it was not as much as before.

So, kind folks of LoveForum.net, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions:

1) Do I have a reason to be afraid that she will dump me?
2) How do I make her forgive me totally - I just want the things to go back to the way they were before? How do I explain it to her that I really do regret what I have done?
3) Should I apply the standard "guy" tactics - kind of ignoring her, etc? (that'll be very hard, but I think I can do it)

I really thank you a lot in advance. Please be honest and truthful.

[IncognitoSir]

OMG dude. You are between a rock and a hard place.......a really big rock and a really really hard place. Your mistake a a pretty serious move in the wrong direction. You should be very worried about this. The guy living with her for 6 MONTHS! He's gonna be with her more than you will. The fact that you messed up real bad stacks this one against you. Clearly your girl is still hurt from your whole "exclusive" fiasco. Telling her you regret what you did is not enough, the only way you'll truly win her heart back is showing her thru your actions how much you care about her. This also rules out the "guy tactics" you mentioned. You ignore her and O boy, exchange student, he'll pick up the pieces my friend. Yet, I caution you, it will not be an easy task. Gluck my man.

[ItIsI]

Thank you for being honest. Any idea on what I should do? Through what actions should I show that I still love her?

Also, I don't know if this is important, but we had sex for the very first time about 3 weekends ago.

[qwertz]

Help me out.


So, kind folks of LoveForum.net, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions:

1) Do I have a reason to be afraid that she will dump me?
Yes
2) How do I make her forgive me totally - I just want the things to go back to the way they were before? How do I explain it to her that I really do regret what I have done?
All you can do is apologise for being a dick, but realistically things are not gonna be the same
3) Should I apply the standard "guy" tactics - kind of ignoring her, etc? (that'll be very hard, but I think I can do it)
No, You have already acted like a dick, you dont need to do that anymore

I really thank you a lot in advance. Please be honest and truthful.

It sounds as though this has run its course. Can you put up with her being friends with and living with this guy she kissed?

The fact that she didnt want to be exclusive in the first place speaks volumes.
I guess you need to trust her completely, or finish it...or it will eat you up.

[vashti]

Look at it this way: just based on your ages alone, this relationship was very likely never going to last. Add in a cute boy living with her, alcohol, and the distance between the two of you, and I'd say the chances of this relationship surviving is pretty much zero.

If you don't have any hobbies, I suggest you find one. You are gonna need it to keep yourself busy when things go bust.

[ItIsI]

Just got off the phone with her. She acts completely normal, as if we never had a fight. She told me she loved me many times.

I explained the situation to her (how I felt, etc.) and she said that everything is going to be okay and that I just need to act normal.

I got her a spa treatment which she initially refused because she doesn't want me to spend precious money on her, but later agreed and said that was very romantic of me.

I have also planned a romantic weekend with her.

By the way, she has continuously over the past couple of weeks told me that that guy is a douche bag and when I asked her if she would date him, she yelled "NO! He's an asshole!" Also, he basically has a fiancee back in his country. He has also been encouraging her to get back to me, because, he said "true love is true love, and I think that's what you guys have".

When I asked her why they kissed in the first place, she replied "Because I didn't know him well, and I was pissed at you. I'm sorry, I made a mistake".

Do you think we're on the right path to recovery?