I'm getting married, but.......

[RobW]

I have finally found the woman of my dreams, and we are getting married on April 2nd. She is everything I could ever imagine in a woman, and we are the best of friends. However this is my second marriage, and my ex wife has still not let go of me. I keep her around for my 3 yr old daughter's sake, and I could not let my daughter go like my dad did when I was a kid.

My Ex still hasn't gotten over the fact that we aren't together anymore, (She divorced me) and it's really beginning to be a pain in the ass. She doesn't have many friends and she leans on me for support. She leans on me far to much, and she has become very needy. When I distance myself she tends to get mysteriously ill. She is bipolar and tends to get unstable when she doesn't get to see me. Turns out she has been getting
chest pains that her doctor says it may be silent heart attacks.

Also he has been pushing my buttons in a sexual way to get my attention. She knows me better than I know myself, and how to I combat a woman who knows me that well? We also share a Sprint family plan, and it's far to costly to turn her line off, I hate the fact that I may have to bite the bullet. My fiancee wants beat the shit out of her, but because of my daughter she wants me to keep the peace. My Ex is a perfect mother to our daughter, and never abuses her in any way. And because of the divorce in which my Ex wifes parents insisted, that she divorce me.(When she got pregnant she freaked out and wanted to move back with her parents, they said in order to move back in she had to divorce me) When we were just friends she was cool, but when I anounced to her that I was engaged, she totally freaked and she melted down into the mess shes in now.

My fiance wants to talk to her, but my Ex will do, and say anything to wedge in, and she has done this 7 years ago when my Ex were dating before we married. I have a feeling on what I should do, but I'm thinking of my daughter, but I don't have custody. My Ex is a wonderful mom and she doesn't let this get in the way when it comes to our daughter. She is good with that so I don't feel that she's in any danger.

Jeezz this is getting long.... I can't let me daughter go through when my dad
left my mom. She's to young to understand to what's going on, and I'm thinking of her needs, and my fiance understands that.
I just wish things could be a little easyer

[Glyph]

First of all, these "mysterious illnesses" are just that. This sounds exactly like the situation in which she'd try to fake being sick to play on your sympathy. Don't fall for it. If she wants more visits or to grab your attention with it, I'd simply say, "That's not something I can help you with, you should see your doctor" and hang up.

Plus, you're about to get married, yet it's too costly for you to take her off your cell plan? Come on. Either get a new plan (I hear Sprint sucks anyway) or suck it up and take the hit from removing her phone. She doesn't need to have a cell phone at your expense anyway. This should be one in a series of steps you take to let her know she needs to back off. This isn't just a matter of your convenience, but this kind of crap can SERIOUSLY alienate your current lady.

You can try the suggestion of family counseling, because even if you're divorced, you're still your childs' only allies and you both need to be totally there for her, not wasting extra energy dealing with each other. Hopefully, it might help clear up some issues with you two, and the counselor might finally tell her to let you go.

But in the meantime, don't put up with any shit off her. You've no obligation to do anything but parent your child together.

[Tiay]

that freaked me out because you have the name and surname initial of someone I know.

+1 to glyph. also, I think it's admirable that you know how important it is to be there for your daughter.

[vashti]

I think you need to brace yourself for the fact that there is a very good chance that the nature of the relationship between you and your ex-wife is about to change dramatically, and may impact the way you BOTH parent your daughter. Most divorces get really ugly when a new person enters the mix.

[RobW]

I agree to all points, I just want whats best for all parties. I have been wanting the family therapy thing for years, but my ex feels intimidated by therapists. I have offered her several times to see my therapist and she rather have me see her pastor at her church in which I am not welcome in. I was banned from her church because I am not Pentecostal, I am not even Christian. I am an atheist and her pastor told me while attending that if I don't convert then I am not welcome. My roommate who is also pentecostal told me that was bullshit, but at her church they referred me as "The devils child" or some other shit, another reason to dump this bitch.

Either way, I just need to really dump this woman, but doing this means I have to let go of my daughter. Maybe I could do this for a little while and give her a call? I don't know, I'm just to ****ing exhausted with this crap. I really want this bitch out of my life. I just don't want to let go of my daughter and I just don't want to let go. I just get text after text crap, ....and My ex is a total closet freak!!! In church, she's the perfect Christian, but behind closed doors is another thing....Ackkk!

I think I know what I need to do, but it's just so ****ing hard when I want to please all parties and in that I am never happy

[Gigabitch]

Pay some guy to start giving your needy ex the attention she needs. I know this sounds insane, but then, so does she.

[Glyph]

I think I know what I need to do, but it's just so ****ing hard when I want to please all parties and in that I am never happy

That IS a major problem. No one ever pleases everyone at all times. Just think of who *deserves* to be pleased. Your current interest, or the ex. As far as the kid - can you not go to court? You may not get primary custody of your daughter (unless it CAN be proven that your ex is nuttier than a fruitcake), but you can get visitation which your ex cannot deny you. Doesn't matter if she hates your guts or not, law is law, and if you're a good father, then you can't be barred access from your own child.

[vashti]

I think it would be extremely irresponsible for you to abandon your child over this woman. Other people have learned how to negotiate difficult divorces without dumping their children - you can, too.