my girlfriend, my story, please help/advice.

[SoElectric]

Recently my girlfriends parents moved to florida and she chose to stay with me in wisconsin. i dropped out of school and quit my other job to get a new full-time second shift job and i make great money. i don't get to see her during the week because i'm at work for 10 hours a night, even though we live together in an apartment now. i'll see her before i go to bed but that is it. i asked her if she would get a second shift job so we could actually be together, but she snapped at me and said she will never ever do that. she doesn't even make much money and doesn't contribute to the food, electric, cable, she only gave me a 100 out of 675 dollars for rent, she has my phone 24/7 which is 100 bucks a month, she also borrows my car which i put gas in, i buy her clothes, gifts, and take her out to eat on the weekends, and i just co-signed a car loan for her - which i'll probably be paying for too. i've done everything to make this relationship work, but she hasn't made any sacrifices and now she makes plans on the weekend because she doesn't even want to be around me, which kills me because i work 50+ hours a week second shift and im alone all the time.she just told me last night that she doesn't want to be serious right now and she wants to just worry about her life. she also said she wants space and a break. if we go on a break, she won't have a car, a phone, or food, and will probably leech off of somebody else. she's so irritable, she will complain about the pettiest **** that i do. i don't want to just end this relationship because we've had good times and lately its like shes just not herself, she does still say she loves me, and some nights she'll cuddle up against me when we sleep, (that's really the only time i see her). how can i fix this situation? should i just give her space and go live with my mom for awhile? see how she survives without me? i'm just worried that she'll end up talking to some other guy during our break and begin leeching off him, (or one of her friends) - eventually leading to her leaving me OR she will realize she needs me and wants me back. Maybe this weekend when we see each other, (if we do - she already made plans to not be with me), she'll change a bit? usually we have really good weekends together, this is the reason why i dont understand why she wont get a second shift job. Thanks in advance to anyone who helps.

[oldskool83]

You need to let her be now. Also you need to stop taking care of her. Your going to learn a hurge fiancial mistage by the loan on the car i feel. She asked for a break, somthings wrong. she changed her mind. typical woman.

[raidenfx]

This has happened before and the hard truth is, she has already moved on and left you behind.

Let's do a quick checklist:
Who defines a relationship as "officially together"? the guy or the girl?
Who has all the saying in a healthy relationship? the guy, the girl or both?
Do you guys spend time together? Y/N
Are you clingy? Y/N
Are not happy about this relationship? Y/N
Why are you trying so hard to hope this will work?
Is it really worth it to date someone who isn't willing to pull her own weight in a relationship?
What happened to your confidence?
What have you been doing outside of your relationship?

Those are the questions you have to answer. Be truthful to yourself.
Remember one thing, "you come to this world alone, and it doesn't matter how much you make or create, you will die alone. Be a little selfish at time, be a little happier."

[SoElectric]

we had a fight last week that lasted two-three days. she was really crabby and complaining about me, (it's a long story), and i ended up punching a hole in our bedroom door out of frustration. we've kind of made up since, but our relationship is weakened. two weeks ago we were so happy together and she honestly probably would have married me if i had asked. i feel like the best decision i can make right now is to go and buy her this bed set that she wanted, just a gift to kind of cheer her up and stuff, (anything that will give our relationship a lift), and then i will just leave it at that. I will worry about myself from that point on, and if she wants to spend time with me then i'll spend time with her, but i'm no longer going to take care of her as i have in the past. i'm not sure if this is the right decision because i can see her taking offense to it and then she'll probably make an ultimatum for me as well except hers being worse. she's already told me if i dont see a psychiatrist by today for my depression and anxiety that she'll leave me. she's always making the situation better!

[oldskool83]

i ended up punching a hole in our bedroom door out of frustration. we've kind of made up since, but our relationship is weakened.

you need help, no wonder she want a break, way to go man. ever hear of dont get mad, just walk away. When you get made it makes people really quesion who the real person is.

you showed it...this will stick with her forever now and the next guy who gets to date her she will tell up front who much of a loose cannon you were.

[Cerby]

OP, you're holding onto the good memories of when you started dating and the months that followed. Evaluate the here and now, she is pretty much taking your money and using it for her own good, she isn't contributing and really just leeching. Now she has asked for a break, so as much as it hurts. Take it, but ask her to stay somewhere else and get the car back, phone back, any money of yours she has, etc.

I'll bet you a week in you realize how much better you are without someone sucking your energy away. I saw a counsellor once for depression, and it turns out I wasn't depressed, I just had a shitty girl in my life and her friends were poisonous. This is why I use the quote I have in my signature, because it is true.

[SoElectric]

you need help, no wonder she want a break, way to go man. ever hear of dont get mad, just walk away. When you get made it makes people really quesion who the real person is.

you showed it...this will stick with her forever now and the next guy who gets to date her she will tell up front who much of a loose cannon you were.

she never believed i'd ever do a thing like that, because it's not me at all. i've never blown up at her and i've always been kind of a pushover because i could never say anything bad about her. shes also very controlling over me because i'm like that. i'm very easy going and it takes A LOT to make me angry. the whole fight was totally unnecessary, she blew up at me over misunderstandings and i kept trying to explain to her what i really meant. we were going to go to a festival, she initially wanted me to go, but suddenly it was like she didn't want me to go at all. she was talking to one of her guy friends and she wanted him to come with. all i said was, that she shouldn't expect me to be chatting a lot because it's hard for me to relate to any of her friends, (they're all potheads and it's like that's all they care about). so she ended up telling her friend not to come because i didn't want him to come. she then bitched at me for 30 minutes about how "controlling" i am and how i wont let her hang out with other guys. i told her that i never even thought of the guy not coming and i never said anything about him not coming, i was just letting her know that it might be awkward because its hard to relate to her friends. she then blew up at me more so i just snapped and punched the door and i was about to walk out but i realized what i had just done and i tried to fix it. we ended up going to the festival and we had a good time but on the bus ride back home she was really pissy and then when we got home she went to bed and said i was no more than a friend to her. i got upset and told her how sorry i was and that i'd take care of everything but she just ignored me. the next day i called in sick to work to fix things with her. we watched a movie and everything was going good, we went to get ice cream and she told me she really does love me. when we got back home she asked if i loved her and i told her how much i cared and loved her and i asked her if she loved me and she said "i dont know". i was like, what do you mean? and i got upset and then she said she just can't do this anymore and that she was going to move to florida. i got so upset and she didn't try to cheer me up or anything it's like everything mean't nothing to her. the next morning she just ignored me as i was driving her to work. i finally said, "i do everything for you, you're so unappreciative and you treat me like shit. lets see how you'd do with out me, you should walk to work, but im not going to do that to you because im the only one who cares in this relationship." i said a lot of things that really hurt her, but i assumed it was over. i told her why she has no friends and why her own family hates her, it's because shes so selfish and rude ALL of the time. then i went on about the money issues and how shes using me. i dropped her off at work and she said she does everything for me and i can't do one thing for her and she slammed the door. i had no clue what she was talking about but i later realized she meant the car loan. the one thing i wouldnt do for her was co-sign the car loan. so i went and signed it, knowing that she would probably leave me anyway, but i did it because i really do care about her and it's like she has no one, i mean her own mom barely gives a shit about her. over the weekend we had a good time. we didn't argue or anything and everything seemed normal. but this past week we've been arguing here and there and this weekend she made plans not to be with me. she wants the space, and ill give it to her. i want to fix this whole situation, sure there are plenty of girls out there - i was talking to a lot of woman before i met her, but she really does mean a lot to me and i can't just say screw it and find someone else. i know that its possible to fix this situation so im trying to figure out the best way to do that..

[SoElectric]

OP, you're holding onto the good memories of when you started dating and the months that followed. Evaluate the here and now, she is pretty much taking your money and using it for her own good, she isn't contributing and really just leeching. Now she has asked for a break, so as much as it hurts. Take it, but ask her to stay somewhere else and get the car back, phone back, any money of yours she has, etc.

I'll bet you a week in you realize how much better you are without someone sucking your energy away. I saw a counsellor once for depression, and it turns out I wasn't depressed, I just had a shitty girl in my life and her friends were poisonous. This is why I use the quote I have in my signature, because it is true.

everything you say makes sense. if i give her a break, i'd actually want to go to my moms house because my mom would cheer me up. i haven't really talked to my mom in months. my girlfriend can't handle staying home alone though, she gets really scared and im not even exaggerating. she'd probably stay at a friends house, hopefully not another guys ^_^.

[UdoKier]

You said not once but twice that you were afraid to leave her, or give her space because she might find another guy to leech off of. As if you think giving her material things keeps your relationship happy and healthy. Notice that you didn't run here for advice when she became a leech, it was only after the leech stopped wanting to be with you.

She doesn't sound like the kind of girl to be with in the future. But in any case she is going to cheat(if she hasn't already) and dump you for another guy unless you gain some self respect. Stop smothering her with money and love until she makes an effort to TRY and contribute equally to the relationship.

[Cerulean.]

Oh dear god. I'm so sorry you have fallen in love with this... manipulative creature. You sound like such a laid back genuine and loving person, and you've got a monster in return. She is making us women look bad. This girl is controlling, selfish, and takes all that she can get from you. Please, stay far away from her as possible. There are plenty of other women that will treat you right and love you unconditionally.

[searock]

Oh dear god. I'm so sorry you have fallen in love with this... manipulative creature. You sound like such a laid back genuine and loving person, and you've got a monster in return. She is making us women look bad. This girl is controlling, selfish, and takes all that she can get from you. Please, stay far away from her as possible. There are plenty of other women that will treat you right and love you unconditionally.

You're right, she is manipulative and selfish... but he lets her do it to him. In fact, he encourages her. OP, you should break up. She's a grown woman, she'll be fine.

[cheekxs]

How old are you guys?
And if you are not married u are not supposed to live together.

And u both have no obligation to each other cause of that.

And so, you choose to work 50 hours. She doesn't have to.

I think its normal that emotions change , and people need to realize that it can happen and they dont have to
keep forcing the relationship.
Keep doing what you do. Or break up. But dont keep complaining. cause its all your own choice to do it all!

And what ever relationship you start, know that you need to put time into it. otherwise there is a great chance it will
not work.
Whatever your job is! Especially if you are starting to know each other or are not that long together.

[Cerby]

How old are you guys?
And if you are not married u are not supposed to live together.

Advice is great cheekxs, but this is an open forum of mixed belief. Many MANY people live together before marriage, that whole threshhold thing is a Christian value that has long gone to the wayside. Please keep those kinds of comments out of the threads as it can and will spark conflict.

[cheekxs]

so if its a open forum u suppose to respect my comment to! OTHERWISE I CONCLUDE U DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

[Cerby]

so if its a open forum u suppose to respect my comment to! OTHERWISE I CONCLUDE U DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

...Says the person who made 5 spelling mistakes, 3 punctuation errors, and can't find her "Caps Lock" key. Anyways...

OP, the rest of the advice here is pretty solid, go ahead with the break, get away from her, and see how you feel on your own. I'll bet that it will take less than a week for you to start seeing the light in being away from her. Remember, she has family in Florida, if things go bad, she can always move back with them.