My ex has been texting me. What should I do?

[anastajia]

My ex and I were together for 3 years. About a month ago we had a mutual breakup over arguing and being bored in the relationship, and now I really want him back. I was really hard, he both cried. We didn't have any ill will towards each other so we decided that we could talk again in a few weeks. We went no contact for a while and exactly three weeks after we broke up he contacted me.

The conversation was short because I was busy, but he was being very talkative. He kept asking questions to keep the conversation going. He told me that he thinks about me a lot, and when I told him I had to go, he said he misses me and that he hopes to hear from me soon.

I waited a couple days to contact him. When I did, he replied and this conversation was longer and it lasted all day. He was very friendly and was sending me long texts. It was exactly the same as when we were together (minus the pet names) except he seemed more enthusiastic. At one point I had to end the conversation so I said goodbye to him and he didn't reply. That kind of bummed me out, but after I finished my shift at work I got another text from him where he continued the conversation acting like I never ended it, and he started talking about a new subject. We spoke all the way up until I had to go to bed we both said goodnight.

Neither of us have made contact today, which I expected. I'm going to wait for him to speak to me again. I'm confused as to what his intentions are by contacting me. Part of me thinks he might still be interested but another part of me thinks he's just being friendly because he really is a sweet guy in general. I know he still cares bout me so he might just be being nice so we stay on good terms. I don't know. Either way, I want him back but I don't really know how to go about doing that. I don't want to seem too eager and end up pushing him away but at the same time I don't want to be so casual that he thinks I'm not interested anymore.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

[surfhb]

we had a mutual breakup over arguing and being bored in the relationship,

Why would you want to go back to this?

[anastajia]

Why would you want to go back to this?

Our problems aren't ones that can't be resolved. The love is there, so if he is willing to work on our issues, just like I am, why shouldn't we try? Not to be rude but I'd appreciate a response to what I actually wrote about.

[basilandthyme]

Why don't you tell him that you'd like to have a chance to rebuild the relationship? Let's face it, good communication is the basis of a good relationship

[surfhb]

Our problems aren't ones that can't be resolved. The love is there, so if he is willing to work on our issues, just like I am, why shouldn't we try? Not to be rude but I'd appreciate a response to what I actually wrote about.

....and Im sorry for assuming you exhausted every ave before you broke up. Just tell him what you need in the relationship. Like basil said, communicate.

Why were you arguing and bored? Thats what this thread should be about

[anastajia]

Why don't you tell him that you'd like to have a chance to rebuild the relationship? Let's face it, good communication is the basis of a good relationship

That's true, I guess I'm just afraid it might be too soon. I don't want to come on too strong and scare him away. For all I know, he hasn't thought about getting back together at all. I think I'd like to get a better feel of what he's thinking before I have that conversation with him. In the meantime I'm unsure of how to act around him.

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....and Im sorry for assuming you exhausted every ave before you broke up. Just tell him what you need in the relationship. Like basil said, communicate.

Why were you arguing and bored? Thats what this thread should be about

Thank you. I'm just scared that having a conversation like that might be jumping the gun. Maybe I should just try to be his friend for a while? We were arguing over stupid little things, like me forgetting to recycle or him putting the dishes on the wrong side of the sink. I think we just started to get a little sick of each other. For the record, I wasn't bored in the relationship, I was comfortable. He was bored. He said he missed how giddy he used to feel around me. I tried explaining to him that the honeymoon stage ending is normal but he just doesn't want to accept that fact. That honeymoon feeling lasted a couple years for us and just recently started to fade, I don't think he knows how to deal with it. Another thing I should mention is that he was getting increasingly depressed about other aspects of his life, like work and school. I think that may have contributed to our relationship going south too.

[surfhb]

That's true, I guess I'm just afraid it might be too soon. I don't want to come on too strong and scare him away. For all I know, he hasn't thought about getting back together at all. I think I'd like to get a better feel of what he's thinking before I have that conversation with him. In the meantime I'm unsure of how to act around him.

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Thank you. I'm just scared that having a conversation like that might be jumping the gun. Maybe I should just try to be his friend for a while? We were arguing over stupid little things, like me forgetting to recycle or him putting the dishes on the wrong side of the sink. I think we just started to get a little sick of each other. For the record, I wasn't bored in the relationship, I was comfortable. He was bored. He said he missed how giddy he used to feel around me. I tried explaining to him that the honeymoon stage ending is normal but he just doesn't want to accept that fact. That honeymoon feeling lasted a couple years for us and just recently started to fade, I don't think he knows how to deal with it. Another thing I should mention is that he was getting increasingly depressed about other aspects of his life, like work and school. I think that may have contributed to our relationship going south too.

Well I guess he just needs to man up and start excepting things as they are or try to change them for the better. There are 2 sides to every story so Im not dismissing his pov, but from where Im standing, it sounds like you 2 need to have a one fvcking serious conversation on what you both want and need from each other. For example, he needs to get over getting upset over trivial things like recycle and dishes. Battles need to be picked carefully at this stage....if I was pissed over every stupid thing my wife did, we wouldnt be married too long.....and vice versa

[Rowen]

Our problems aren't ones that can't be resolved. The love is there, so if he is willing to work on our issues, just like I am, why shouldn't we try? Not to be rude but I'd appreciate a response to what I actually wrote about.

Actually, to say that surf's post "wasn't what you wrote about" is really unfair because you missed the entire point... What makes you think that things are magically going to be better this time around? What makes you think that you won't just be bored again? As the old saying goes, history repeats itself...so keep that in mind while you're trying to get him back. Surf was attempting to advise you to make a healthy choice as far as your breakup. Next time, reread the advice you're given, and take it with a grain of salt.

As for attempting to get him back, which I don't really agree with and would highly recommend not doing if "being bored" was a reason for your breakup, Basil is right. When in doubt, use direct communication with someone. Evaluate what you need in a relationship and what you want in a relationship. Then, sit down and have an honest discussion about it. There's no use playing games by trying to act a certain way in hopes of attracting him; it's untrue to yourself and lacks nobility.

Overall, though, just be careful. If he truly wants you back, he'll come back all on his own and be willing to talk with you about it all. If not, then remind yourself he wasn't as great of a boyfriend as you thought and that someone who can give you what you need is out there and looking just for you... And the best part is, that guy doesn't even know he's looking for you yet but would be blown away to have a chance with you.
Learn and grow and be careful.

[smackie9]

I'm not even going to read your post, tell him to f uck off, it's over, and to leave you alone.