Hi, I just didnt know where to go so i found this place.
I really needed to let it out.
My fiancee and I were engaged just over a month. We live together and I thought we were having a good relationship. Few weeks back, she started to act weird. She didnt come home one day saying she is at her company party and fell a sleep at her coworkers house. Later I found out there was no party. I was furious yet I told her never do that again and I am relieved that she was okay. Because i was really worried because she wouldnt pick up her phone in the morning. This was just a beginning.
Few days later we got into an argument and I asked her if she needed some space. So I told her I will stay at my friends house for few days. I thought it was going to work. however after two days i had to grab something from my house for my company. I didnt want her to see me coming home so I went home late at night around 3 am. than I saw my fiancee drinking with a guy. So I was mad so I kind of yelled at her for what is going on. Surprisingly, she started yelling back at me for thinking that she is cheating on me. She explained that she was only talking to him because he makes her think again about our marriage.So again, I didnt get my words out and stoped there and decided to move back in.
After that things were going great. It looked like she was back to her place and we were,at least I thought, happy.Well, until yesterday.
I found out the guy who was drinking with my fiancee, had a thing for her and she was accepting it. I found a letter on her desk stating that he cannot survive a day without her and they wanted to meet tomorrow to discuss about their day trip to somewhere next week. Which happens to be the day I work and she doesnt. From that exact moment when i saw the letter, by the way the guy is my fiancee's co worker, I couldnt think straight.
I went straight to her and said we need to break up. I really didnt mean it. I don't know why but it just came out. Then she asked why. So I showed her the note and said I cannot stop pretending that nothing happened. I guess in a way I was expecting her to explain what happened to defend herself. And all she said was okay.
Well, that was a long story. I don't know why but I believe I have every right to get mad at her. And actually I want to. But whenever i confront her I can't. She sent me a text message today that it is all her fault and she will take whatever from me however since we got this far and if i want to then she will break up with me. I don't understand that. I feel so lost and as much as I loved her, I really did, it really hurts. Am I doing something wrong? I really don't know what to do. Part of me says I dont want to lose her and another part says I need to let go.
If some people say what i did to maker her that way, I am very outgoing person, I respect her when she goes out and expect the same when I do. I don't go out too often but often enough so I have social life outside of my house.
Well it made me feel little better writing this. I don't want to make a decision that I will regret. So if some can please advise, I will be really thankful, and thanks for reading.