Overreacting or a reasonable concern?

[Evilette]

My boyfriend has just informed me via text that he's taken the day off work tomorrow to spend it with his best friend. He then went on to say this.....

"Ha! I'm sure they're trying to set me up with some girl tomorrow. I mean my best friend and his new girlfriend are, 'cos her best mate's coming too. If I'm not going they won't either, so I couldn't really say no to him. It'll be amusing though, considering I'm taken. But I wonder how it'll go..... I mean, she said it wasn't like that, but meh, who knows! And really, don't worry babe, I just thought you should know about it. If you'd rather not hear such things, please tell me!"

Now, my instant thought was this.....

"So it's blatantly obvious that they're trying to set you up with her, yet you still agreed to go, even though you have a girlfriend?"

It's what I feel like saying to him anyway! But then I think, since he's been honest about it, perhaps I'm being a bit harsh in telling him that I think he's being unfair by going, given that I WILL worry!

I haven't spoken to him yet so nothing has been said on my part, but he's calling me in like half an hour when he gets home from work, so I need to know how to handle this!

Like, should I just let it go and fake a smile, or tell him what I really think? What would you do/think?

Thanks in advance x

[ecojeanne]

this is what i think u shld do:

laugh lightly and say 'of course i dont mind...why wld i?...i trust u...haha'

firstly he's excited like a kid...pathetic!, he's testing u to see if u will get jealous....u need to let him kno this sort of thing doesnt phase u....because honestly if ur tight then u dont need to worry...he's just being immateur and as u pointed out....yes he is definitely trying to make u worry......dont let him play this game with u

and when i say laugh....do it sarcastically like he is an immateur pathetic child and that if thats what he wants to do...then go ahead....u see he is prob convinced she'll like him....because in his mind.....who wldnt? hehehe

i wldnt satisfy him by getting jealous

[Evilette]

Hah! I must admit, I do sometimes wonder whether he tells me stuff because he's so honest or if it's to provoke a reaction of some kind. I have a feeling it may be a little of both tbh!

He'll definitely be convinced that she'll like him 'cos he's an 'overly' confident person. =P

He knows I hate mind games though, so I really wouldn't like to think he's doing it on purpose to make me worry, but like I said, I have a feeling you could be right. Blah!

I'll try doing what you said and see if he pushes the subject further. If he wants a reaction and doesn't get one, I assume that's what he'll try and do.

Thanks for the advice x

[ecojeanne]

also dont actually let him kno that u think he's a big kid....the laugh will insinuate it for u....he'll be purplexed and prob wonder throughout the whole so called 'set up' why u didnt react the way he wanted...

[RelationshipBud]

I agree with Eco.

It looks like he was fishing for a specific reaction/response from you
(very likely it was you being jealous).

So simply don't comply. If he truly had "nasty" motives (cheating), then he likely would have kept the whole thing a secret.

Good Luck!

[Cain]

Personally, I'd have been irritated if my gf had decided to go somewhere with a group of people that were TRYING to set her up with someone else. It's not about trust. It's about her not doing something so disrespectful.

[ecojeanne]

If he truly had "nasty" motives (cheating), then he likely would have kept the whole thing a secret

thats exactly it! he just wanted to annoy u...dont fall for it!

[Cain]

Why do you all assume that he wouldn't cheat just because he told her? He could be manipulating the situation.

Think about this... if he had slept with her and it came out that he did but didn't tell his gf that girl would be there, the gf will automatically assume he cheated. Now, he has an advantage... because he can claim that if he was planning to cheat, why would he tell her about the other girl?

[ecojeanne]

Why do you all assume that he wouldn't cheat just because he told her? He could be manipulating the situation.

Think about this... if he had slept with her and it came out that he did but didn't tell his gf that girl would be there, the gf will automatically assume he cheated. Now, he has an advantage... because he can claim that if he was planning to cheat, why would he tell her about the other girl?

do u really think he thought about it that deeply? not disagreeing maybe ur right but i reckon its highly unlikely....and dont u think that maybe she would have reacted differently with more specific examples to my response if she was truly suspicious of him...her instincts are telling her she can trust him but he is just a dickhead who thinks he's great

[CompletePimp]

If the guy wanted to cheat he wouldn't even brought up the girl to begin with! Use your heads people! There's far too much distrust in young people's relationships these days. All the jealousy and insecurity, all it says is that YOU DO NOT TRUST YOUR PARTNER. And with that, it will only lead to a break up. Because it'll induce the person trying to control the other person. If someone wants to cheat, THEY WILL. You cannot stop that, and if you think the only reason they aren't is because you are holding them back from it, then you shouldn't be with that person to begin with.

[Cain]

First of all, I don't think he should have gone in the first place. He shouldn't be putting himself in that kind of a position. But since he IS going, he definitely should tell her and it's good that he did.

But I'm just saying, don't assume that he's not a cheater just because he said what he said. He shouldn't be going anyways.

[ecojeanne]

First of all, I don't think he should have gone in the first place. He shouldn't be putting himself in that kind of a position. But since he IS going, he definitely should tell her and it's good that he did.

But I'm just saying, don't assume that he's not a cheater just because he said what he said. He shouldn't be going anyways.

ye he's a dickhead........

[starbuck]

I think it's rude to tell your girlfriend something like this. It sounds like it's purposely designed to make her worry. And why the hell would his friends be trying to set him up if he had a girlfriend already?

Evilette, you aren't overreacting. This is strange stuff in my book.

Did you talk to him yet? What happened?

[ecojeanne]

I think it's rude to tell your girlfriend something like this. It sounds like it's purposely designed to make her worry.

starbuck u r exactly right...thats what we have been sayin....in my opinion her reaction will surprise him and because of this he might choose not to go anyway because it was designed to annoy her....there are plenty of men who act like this...its completely wrong but ultimately if they have a good solid relationship in all other areas he'll kno it wont work next time....and infact she'll find him telling her more things because she has been relaxed about this and react to more concerning issues he might bring up....if she reacts badly then he wont tell her anything and will accuse her of being possessive etc and will likely use her reaction against her whenever he feels like it....it IS bullshit for him to do this but in the grand scheme of things it is best for her to let it go....and he wont be as satisfied as he had hoped

[Dasein]

Um can I ask a question here?

Why the heck does his best friend feel that he needs to be "set up" in the first place? Where is he getting the idea that the realtionship he is in isn't good enough already?

Anyway I digress. I wouldn't be too happy if it is almost implied that he will be set up during this day. His easy compliance with this is a concern. He should let his friend know "Just so you know I have a girlfriend. If tomorrow is going to be a set up I wouldn't appreciate that as it is disrespectful to my girlfriend. I will have to pass."