Girlfriend just broke up with me. Need advice please

[shypshnius]

Good evening,

I was just dumped by my girlfriend and i'm currently really confused. I think the main reason why she broke up with me was cause i acted really clingy, super needy and annoyed her during the last week when she went to another city to meet her friends and have a good time. She was already acting quite cold the week before so i panicked a bit and kept messaging, calling her a lot during the days she was away. I could see that she was annoyed with that but i just wanted to understand what was wrong. I could clearly smell that something is not right and had a feeling that she is thinking about breaking up with me. I know it was a big mistake on my part not giving her space during that week. So when she came back, she told me that she needs couple days of space to decide whether she wants to be with me anymore. I've just called her today, and hung up on me, then we chatted a little bit and it turned out that she decided to break up.

But my main concern is, what she wrote me was:

"I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake.

I'm not quite sure what that means.. Do you think she still has some feelings for me? She's acting really cold though and doesn't seem to be interested in me anymore. However, he's still checking every single thing i put on instagram/facebook. We been together for 6 months and it seemed that we really loved each. She even cried in front of me at least 3 times, she used to be really comfortable next to me. It was a long distance relationship though. We used to meet twice a week. It's just hard to believe for me that like 10 days ago she said she really loved me and now she decided to break up with me after i was really clingy, needy the week she was away.

What is your opinion? Mainly about that thing she said to me today: ""I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake.".

Do you think i still got a chance to get her back?

Thank you.

[madotnw_nihs]

People usually say that to make it easier to say. Another popular one is "I am not good enough for you" or "The problem is me, not you"....Chances are the clingy thing isn't what caused the breakup, but it could have been the tipping point. Acting cold and not interested are tell-tale signs she does not want to be with in.

[shypshnius]

The thing is i still love her a lot. I will be doing the no contact thing from now on. I've just thanked her for the good times, said i love her a lot and that i'm leaving the door open, she can call my anytime if she changes her mind. Do you think it was appropriate to say?

[madotnw_nihs]

yeah that's perfectly fine.

[shypshnius]

By the way, i asked her to block me on facebook since i can't block her myself. But she didn't... That's kinda weird that she doesn't want to..

[madotnw_nihs]

Don't read too much into social media behavior.

[TheEvilJester]

I am pretty much echoing madotnw's sentiments here. Chances are there were some problems already. You even said you sensed as much yourself. So, as madotnw said, I doubt the clingy behavior was solely the cause of it, but more probably a final straw.

If you had come to us before all that, I'd have given you the same advice I will give now.... Give her some space. I think what you said to hear sounds good in theory. I don't know the exact wording you used, but the idea of what you said is definitely perfect. As long as the way you worded it didn't border on the clingy (for example: if you said something to imply or even outright say that you'd leave the door open for her return FOREVER... that could seem a bit much) I think you did good.

For now, just give her space. For now, ASSUME that the relationship is completely over, but leave the option open for her to change her mind. You should also take this time to evaluate the relationship yourself, and evaluate your own role in it. Never miss out on an opportunity to learn from your past mistakes. Maybe there are things you could have done better in your relationship and you can learn and grow from that. You can use that growth to show her you've changed if you two DO get back together, or use that growth so you don't make the same mistakes in another relationship if you two do not.

By the same token, remember that most relationships don't fail solely because of one person. So, while you are evaluating what YOU may have done wrong.... don't forget to also evaluate what SHE may have done wrong as well. There is a decent chance that if you grew too clingy there may well be reasons she made you feel the need to cling. Maybe she was not as attentive as she could have been. Or any number of other things she could have done wrong. So, don't beat yourself up and focus only on what you maybe did wrong. To do that would be to miss what she may have done wrong and risk you falling in with somebody who will just do the same things to you all over again.

Take this time to learn and grow and become an even better you. But, once you have, you deserve somebody who will appreciate that new you and treat you the way you deserve. Maybe in time you two CAN make it work, but if not that doesn't mean you missed out on your shot at true love.... it means she wasn't your true love. It just means your match is still out there and she's looking for you. Good luck to you either way.

[shypshnius]

Quick update: She just messaged me 4 days after breakup. She basically messaged me a random joke on facebook and we had a short fun conversation for like 20 minutes before she responded with: "your given minutes for today ran out, good night". What is this all about lol? Is she just playing with me, trying to get her ego fed or do you think she actually still cares and started regreting her decision dumping me 4 days ago?

[madotnw_nihs]

I read it as she is being a little b**ch.

[GLYC]

I don't think she's being a b*tch. Her line was kinda rude however, the "you used up your minutes for the day", i wouldnt really want to chat with someone after having them tell me that. That would turn me off.

In reality. She's unsure of things, you acted weak, now you're snowing strength with no contact.
She's questioning things because it showed signs that you can be independent and emotionally secure.

Get your act together and you might still have a shot.
Props to you on being honest with yourself and you neediness though.

Being able to recognize mistakes and flaws is huge. And you'll go far with that.

[TheEvilJester]

On your latest update I sort of fall between madotnw and GLYC. I think that definitely sounds blatantly rude and am almost tempted to use the B word myself. LOL! But, I think it is possible she may just still be somewhat confused and hurt over the whole situation. People aren't their best selves in moments like this. It doesn't make the way she acted okay, but I think it is something that can at least be understood and forgiven.

It sounds like SHE reached out to YOU... so that is at least a good sign. It at least shows she still cares to some degree, even if that may turn out to be in a non-romantic way. For now, I think just stay the course. Give her some space and time and maybe you two can make it work. Or, maybe it will turn out you two are just better off parting ways.

Though, another important qualification.... by give her some time and space, I don't mean indefinitely. There isn't really a set time frame per se, so I can't tell you some magical number of how long to wait... I'm just saying, it would not be right for her to leave you in limbo forever. At some point she either needs to make a decision and talk to you.... or you should simply make the decision for her by ending the relationship yourself. You can't and shouldn't put your life on hold forever.

Hopefully it doesn't have to come to that, though. Hopefully you two can come together and decide to take an honest chance to fix things and make it work... or at the very least, hopefully you can come together and decide to part ways as amicably as possible. Good luck to you either way.

[HelpmePlease10]

trying to fill up my 15 posts to PM sorry.

[Hooo!]

I think the problem is low „male energY“ or low manliness here

Instead of being proactive you act reactive
Instead of being decisive you are being cautious and letting her take decisions
Instead of calling her out on her bullshit you let her keep up with it
Instead of making her do things she is making you do things
Instead of making her go through the hoop first, you go first.
Instead of being clear and pleasant you are being sweet or nice.
Instead of dominant you are being dominated

This maybe (or probably is) also be the case in the bedroom.

Some of the above sound familiar?
I come to this conclusion because of multiple signs:
You have connection. So you are provably having issues with either attraction or seduction.
She is shit testing you. You don’t even notice it.
You being needy
You being clingy

The extreme scenario (probably not in your case tho) i have heard of regarding similar issues is the girl being ****ed hard by another guy who made fun of that „other guy“ clinging and not even knowing who ****s his girl when he’s not there. (Probably while they are at it)
And the girl liking that ofc, while at the same time still liking the other guy.