Marriage after seven years dating

[bluesummer]

Just need to satisfy my curiosity about something here, guys. It's not a situation I'm in, just someone I know.

As a guy, if you waited seven years to ask your gf to marry you, would that mean that you finally just gave up and gave in? The comment from the guy in this situation to me was "We just bought a house together so I figured the timing was right". Does that sound like happiness or like he's doing it because it's the 'right thing to do'?

My feeling is that if you loved someone enough and wanted to marry them, you'd know a helluva lot sooner.

[Seradin DaCuir]

Just need to satisfy my curiosity about something here, guys. It's not a situation I'm in, just someone I know.

As a guy, if you waited seven years to ask your gf to marry you, would that mean that you finally just gave up and gave in? The comment from the guy in this situation to me was "We just bought a house together so I figured the timing was right". Does that sound like happiness or like he's doing it because it's the 'right thing to do'?

My feeling is that if you loved someone enough and wanted to marry them, you'd know a helluva lot sooner.

Met my wife in 1994. Married in 1999. I could have waited til today to ask. It didn't matter. Our plan is to stay together til the end, married or not. We knew eventually we'd get married. It didn't matter when. When we knew it was right, we did it. If it took 10 years, that didn't change the fact we love each other. It didn't change the intensity or degree of our love.

Remember marriage is a social institution embedded in centuries of tradition tied with religion. Your relationship matters first and foremost.

People marry for their reasons, and stay together in a relationship for other reasons. If you're implying that your girlfriend hounded her boyfriend to death to get married and he finally caved, that's not a good foundation to a lasting relationship in the first place. Somewhere down the line this is going to surface as another problem. If on the other hand you're implying "the time was right to get married" and it happened to coincide with buying a house, good for them! It was the right time. Actually to be honest, that is exactly what happened in my situation. (bought the house in April and married in August)

Do I know you?

[Graham Berkeley]

I don't really think there is such thing as giving in in this sense. If a guy didn't want to marry his GF he wouldn't believe me. Sounds more like they have been together long enough and have made mutual investments so he sees it as the next logical course of action and doesn't see himself sharing this with anyone else.

[Mish]

Usually people marry when they are ready to start a family. So in that case the timing entirely depends on the person's readiness to provide for a family. It could be one year or it could be ten years, the marriage will happen when they are ready for a family.

[Gribble]

Ugh. Perhaps there'd be less divorce if people didn't rush headlong into marriage, and if people didn't base one of the biggest decisions of their lives on the batch of chemical fluctuations we call emotions. Maybe, just maybe.

[IndiReloaded]

The only real correlation I can make is that I've noticed that couples who marry very young (before 25) don't tend to do as well as those who marry later. Seems to be related to maturity. Even that seems to be tempered by personality. I've noticed that couples whose parents are still together also seem to do better. IMO, they are more stable & tolerant of their partners. That can only help.

[mylovelywife]

yea but seven years is a bit extreme, more like 2-3 years should be long enough for both parties to figure out each other pretty well

[Seradin DaCuir]

Guess I was right on the borderline. I was 26, she was 23.

[misombra]

marriage just isn't very important to a lot of people nowadays.

[Chupacabras]

Men not getting married quite often has absolutely nothing to do with love and everything to do with the inequities of divorce court. It's not romantic but something every man should think long and hard about before signing the contract.

[IndiReloaded]

Its true. Guys still get screwed by the courts. Especially when kids are involved. I saw this not too long ago, actually.

I know one case where that wasn't true. It was b/c she was the breadwinner (doctor) and she ended up paying alimony. So, guys, if you get married make sure they are your equal in earning ability it will help.

[bluesummer]

Thanks guys.

[solymirk]

Love is really wonderful, thanks to love, everyone will feel the life is more meaningful. Love help one overcome many difficulties in life!

[Gigabitch]

If it took him seven years, I'd think, "Why bother?".

[misombra]

cause she's pregnant?