REALLY long distance relationship, and i really miss her

[jonathan89]

Hi, my name is jonathan. I'm 19 this yearm im from singapore, and im currently serving the army. Every male in singapore who comes to the age of 18 must enlist and serve the army for a period of 2 years, before resuming normal life again. For me, i have ifnished my 9 weeks of Basic Military Training, and have been selected for the Pilot course. during the course, i will first spend 2 months in Australia, then come back to singapore for 9 weeks, then 10 months in Australia again, come back, then go for 11 months in the US. During these months overseas, there is almost no chance to come back, except for 2 weeks during Christmas for the first 10 months. Subsequently for the 11 months, there would be almost no chance to return to my country. I want to be a pilot, but this, is killing me. I haven't even flown there yet, and i feel like crap just thinking about the time i have to spend away from my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and i have been together for 1 year 6 months now. We are real close, real tight, and have talked about marriage before. There is no way i can see myself with another girl, nor herself with another guy. We are really, really very close and bonded to each other. Even our friends think we're gonna get married. Probably because no matter what quarrel we have, its over in less than an hour, and after that we apologize and hug and make up and everything. Nothing ever goes out of hand. I'm real happy about this, cos i know i have a real stable relationship in my hands, and i am truly madly in love with this one girl, but herein lies the problem; i cannot live without her.

Before i enlisted into the army, i was a student in junior college, and we got to see each other a lot, though we were in different junior colleges, at least 3-5 times a week. 2 days on the weekends, and up to 3 days on the weekdays. We need each other's company a lot, i don't understand why, we just need to be with each other, be in each other's presence. but now im in the army and it hasnt been easy. For our basic military training, we stay on an island away from singapore, and only get to go home on fridays. on sunday nights we have to take the ferry back to the island again. this alr made me very miserable, but now, its TEN MONTHS away from her.

TEN MONTHS. followed by ELEVEN MONTHS.

i know, wow. i don't know how to do this. i want both, and deep inside i know the only way is to hang in there all the way, for the future for us both is bright at the end of the road, but i need advice, and i need guidance, because i am the hopeless romantic kind, and i love her, so much. what am i to do? how do i get through this 10 months? and 11 months? please, someone guide me, someone with experience maybe.


Jonathan

[Cain]

Yes, 21 months will be a hard thing to overcome. I won't lie... it's going to take a special kind of relationship to make it work. Distance weakens relationships. It doesn't matter how strong a relationship is, distance WILL weaken the relationship. It's up to the two people involve though to keep it from weakening to the point of breaking up. I've seen many couples have to deal with distance and not make it past six months. It'll be easier for you to make it through the distance. You'll be in the military, busy often, with not much time and won't have much opportunity to find another girl, which I'm sure is great for you. It'll be harder for her to make it through the 21 months since she won't be as busy and she'll be encountering guys on a daily basis. It'll only take one of them befriending her and getting too close to make her have second thoughts.

Now, I don't say all of this to make you feel bad. But you do have to think about it. You have to know it is possible that you two won't make it through it. I definitely hope you do though. Just keep in mind that though 21 months sounds like a long time, it's really not that bad. Trust me. When I move in with my girlfriend next March, it'll have been 29 months. We've gotten through all of the rough patches. And yes, we DID have rough patches. You most likely will as well. You both just have to try and overcome it.

Hang in there and hopefully everything will work out.

[jonathan89]

sigh. i can NEVER imagine myself with another girl. she has said she cannot imagine herself with another guy too. our relationship is really, really strong. we don't even quarrel anymore. that is a thing of the past already. sometimes i just try to detach myself from her, it heals the pain, stops the hurtin. but that isnt doing anything for the relationship man. i just want a solution that can stop me from feeling so miserable. i ain't even there yet! everytime i think about it my mood drops. the only time i aint moody is when im occupied with sth else, like chatting and laughing with all the other pilot trainees, but we obviously can't talk non stop.

29 months?? wow. how did you get through that man. what did you do to keep yourself from missing her too much? for me im prolly gonna find her online and chat with her every night, but we all know there's a difference between chatting online and being physically there, being to hold her hand, in your arms. i just really want all this to be over soon.

[Cain]

You just have to do it. There's nothing you can do to change the fact you guys will have to deal with this distance, so just don't let it bother you. Talk, but don't show that this distance is hurting both of you because eventually one of you might end up needing to break it off. Distance is hard.

[lesa]

Waiting for you for 10 and then 11 months is a lot to ask for in such a young (both time and age) relationship.

That doesn't seem fair for young people.

[jonathan89]

It sure isn't. it doesn't help that I'm the hopeless romantic kind. I love sports, I like being in the army, i got the Best Trainee in Platoon award and i can do basically anything men do, no lack of testosterone in that department. But when it comes to my girlfriend im a hopeless wreck. i just hope i get through that phase fast man. worst part is, it doesnt even start till next year, so i get to brood over and worry about it for half a year before i actually go. This is not to say im extremely free now and have nothing to do. I'm still in Singapore but have to go to Air Force School etc etc to learn ground work. Soon i have to fly to Auzzie for 2 months for the first phase of my course. Lots of seperation man. And cain, i'm not worried about the relationship weakening, we're too close for that, we're both wondering how to survive without each other. We'd be chatting online every single chance we get. Keeping the relationship strong doesn't seem to be a problem. i hope.

[P1kaboo]

Hi jonathan,

I totally get how you feel, I mean mine is only 2 months of separation, which is nothing compared to yours, but like for now try really hard not to think about it, it has to happen so don't keep thinking about it. Like right now you wanna spend time with her as much as possible, and worry free time. Like when you are together you don't want to keep thinking about how you're leaving soon. Take lotsa pics and videos that you can watch when you are away from each other(it really helps) Once you do go away, in the beginning it'll be REALLY hard, like unimaginably hard, you'll be thinking about her ALL the time, and I could not even think about anything else for the first 3 days. But yesterday i went out with my frnds and it felt a lot better. Like he's still always there in the back of my mind but it hurts a lot less. I can't even chat with my bf b/c he's so buzy but you have to do what you have to do, like you said it's important for your futures. If you are sad stay around other people, keep yourself buzy in some work, don't give yourself free time, or you'll def go nuts! Umm and think about how good it'll feel to see her again.
I considered the whole detaching myself from him option, but that will only weaken the relationship, and a really BAD option. But ya right now just forget about what will happen, enjoy whatever time you get with her. It'll never become easy to go away, but eventually it'll hurt a lot less, and will make both of you stronger

[Cain]

If it's another 6 months from now, don't stress now. You might not even be together in 6 months.

I broke up with my ex the day before I went to basic training because I didn't want the stress of being in a relationship while away. Best move I ever made. Everyone else was stressing about whether their girl was cheating or not while I was fine. And trust me, a lot of those guys found out their girls DID cheat.

[jonathan89]

hello! i'm back, and i'm glad to say that i've stopped being so moody about not seeing my girlfriend for so long. and pikaboo thanks for the advice, but i did have been doing exactly what you said even before reading your post. haha. what a coincidence. anyway right now i just feel hyped up about my pilot course, i'm excited about it. I've literally stopped thinking about how i'm gonna miss my girlfriend cos i have realised that doing so just makes me moody which is pointless. might as well just go for the course, come back with a bright future laid out in front of me and enjoy life with her after that. Thanks for everyone's advice though! and Cain, cmon im definitely gonna be with her 6 months from now. Our relationship is really, really strong and i don't see anything going wrong. haha you seem kinda pessimistic about love! sure, shit happens but hey, not all girls would cheat on their boyfriends man. Especially here in Asia, its pretty much different from the West. are from the States? cos people here are generally more conservative.

[Cain]

I'm certainly not pessimistic about love... I'm realistic. People that get married certainly don't anticipate anything going wrong... but divorces happen. I don't know what it's like in your culture, but things happen. If it goes well, good. Just don't look too far into the future yet.

[luvispower]

i have passed through 4 months. and thank God i can come back to my own country during the semester break.

it's hard. both of u will have quite alot of problems. i dont know how to explain but spend EVERY SECOND u can with her. if u wanna quarrel wait till both of u r separated.

lastly, use skype, often.

[Cain]

if u wanna quarrel wait till both of u r separated.

I disagree. The problem with quarreling while you're separated by distance is the fact that you can't be there to fix it... to hold her when she's sad or mad. Fighting while in distance is a good way to cause a breakup.

[jonathan89]

i have to agree with cain on this one. i got into a quarrel with her RIGHT before i started training. thing is, in singapore when you start basic training there's a 2 week confinement, you don't get to leave camp for 2 weeks. it sucks. you don't get to be there for her when the quarrel is resolved, don't get to be there to hold her and everything. anyway, guess i will do everything in my power to maintain contact while focusing on my pilot training. thanks a lot people!