Private Cell Phone?

[CherriBlossomGirl]

Okay, I'll get straight to the point. About a week ago, my boyfriend left his cell phone on the couch and I was looking through the pictures on it. When he came back from the kitchen, he asked me what I was doing and I told him. He immediately tried to wrestle the phone from me, repeatedly saying, "What are you doing?" I asked him why he was freaking out. At that point, he said nothing and let me finish looking through all the pictures, with him watching carefully over my shoulder. Once I was done, the phone was snatched from me and placed safely in his pocket. We had a short argument then and a longer one later. I wanted to know what he was trying to hide. He said he was hiding nothing but it was just that his cell phone is "private". I was then accused of not trusting him.

Okay, so we talked through it and we don't argue about it now, but I'm concerned. Why would he wig out unless he thought I might see something he didn't want me to see? I never questioned him talking to other women, but now I'm not so sure what exactly it is that he does with his phone.

Anyway, last night, some girl texted him last night around 10ish while we were, ahem, fooling around a bit. I picked up the phone to turn it the **** off since it's on all the time, but decided to read the message. It just said, "What are you up to?" He seemed cool about when I asked him who Candice was. He said that was the girl his friend Blake (who is a tattoo artist) was working on a while ago and she'd been calling him to find out when Blake was going to finish her piece. He said it was fine if I texted her back, so I texted, "Nothing much, how about you?" She texted back saying "bored" and then "Want to entertain me?" I texted back one last time saying, "I'm actually busy" to which she said okay.

I've now entered full on panic. I checked his phone today, but he's deleted all the text messages that are from anyone but his mom and his best friend. Am I being a crazy jealous psycho or is this reason to be a little worried? Now all the girls in his phone book are some obscure friends that I've never heard of and he does his best to keep me from even holding his phone. Even when I confronted him and said that looks suspicious, he turned it around on me and said I don't trust him and then he said that he just had a "guilty concious" sometimes, even though he's done nothing wrong; that when I accuse him like that, he feels guilty.

Insights, please.

[CherriBlossomGirl]

I forgot to add, Blake has his own cell so I don't see why Candice would text my boyfriend late at night to see "What's up".

:|

And, I just realized, why would my boyfriend give this girl his number? Or why would she give him hers? And if the former is the case, why would he take it? Why text him so late at night and want to be entertained if he hadn't done so before?

I'm not usually obsessive or jealous like this. What is going on?

[jjj]

yeah that does seem pretty odd and to me no u dont seem psycho etc. Espescially as she text witht he do you want to entertain me. I guess it comes down to whether u feel u can trust him enough to believe him? or whether u feel or know that he has gone behind anyone else back before. It might seem annoying i guess but it seems all u can do is check with him who texts are from when u are with him etc. What did he say about the girl asking him to entertain her? surely u asked him?

[The_bobb]

Although i find the text message from the girl troubling. You were totally in the wrong for looking through his cell phone to begin with. Lets face it, this whole situation wouldn't have happened if you weren't snooping.

Since the Cell Phone has been integrated into our lives, so deeply. They're like a modern version of a Diary. They are very private things. Even if he has NOTHING to hide from you in the phone, you even looking around in it tells me your a snoop and probably tells him you don't trust him.

Now as for the girl texting, that is odd. Although it COULD be very innocent. She MIGHT have met your boyfriend BEFORE the tattoo artist and so had his number as well as the artists. She could have just been drunk texting (you said it was late).

You don't want to hear it, but this is all your fault. Next time? ASK before you go digging through someone elses personal stuff.

But the question remains, Did you ask him about the late night text?

PS: No you don't seem psycho. You were innocently snooping and now your worried, because of his perfectly reasonable reaction.

[Gigabitch]

Red flag, CBG. Also, leave his cell phone alone. It IS private. Sadly, I think he's hiding something and I wish you had had the sense to memorize Candice's number.

[Tiay]

this is why I don't snoop.

my ex had the tendency to look through anything I left lying around- which was mostly my phone. Luckily my phone was pretty much a shrine to him anyway, but one time he found these messages where someone was asking me where I was and we were arranging to meet in the city.

It was my elderly landlord.

Look, almost everyone has some flirty txt messages on their phone that can look bad when you start worrying.

I do think it is suspicious how he reacted when you were looking through the photos. He sure acts jumpy for someone who has nothing to hide. It's not like you were intentionally snooping because you lack trust in him- he caused you to lose trust by reacting like he had something to hide. The whole "don't you trust me?" thing just screams "i'm hiding something so i'm gonna make you feel guilty about not trusting!". so yeah, red flag.

[misombra]

he's a cheater.

[The_bobb]

he's a cheater.

You think so? I'm just not convinced... I think his reaction to the invasion was perfectly reasonable (albeit i wasn't there so i don't how BIG of a blow up it was). I don't cheat on my girlfriends but if i find them snooping through my phone i'd be pissed to. It takes 3 seconds of your time to ask, "Hey can i poke around in your photos?"

Now i'm ALSO not convinced she was looking around in his photos... I think she was looking around the texts too. And if that's the case, what spurred her to do it? ANY reason is better then just snooping for the sake of snooping or out of boredom.

In the end, i just don't see enough evidence to think he's cheating... one weird text at 10pm? And him getting mad about her invading his privacy? Not enough for me...

PS: By "girlfriends" i mean one of the few i HAD =) not girlfriends as in i have more than one at a time =) Just wanted to clarify.

[misombra]

i don't get pissed if my bf looks through my phone. pictures... texts... the only way i would get upset is if i had something i didn't want him to see in there or if he did it all the time just to be a jealous asshole and see if i was talking to another man.

doesn't sound like she does it all the time or that she was looking for anything in particular. although now she probably will because of his reaction.

[Cain]

i don't get pissed if my bf looks through my phone. pictures... texts... the only way i would get upset is if i had something i didn't want him to see in there or if he did it all the time just to be a jealous asshole and see if i was talking to another man.

doesn't sound like she does it all the time or that she was looking for anything in particular. although now she probably will because of his reaction.

How do you know how often she does it? She's done it twice just in her little story. I tend to believe she's probably done it more often.

You might not get mad if he goes through your stuff but others will. I would. I don't mind if she looks through it so long as she asks me.

[Gigabitch]

Well, then wouldn't he have the sense to keep his phone clean?

[misombra]

he didn't just ask her to please ask him before she did it. he got totally pissed and wrestled the phone away from her!

that is a sign that he is talking to somebody he shouldn't be on the phone. simple as that. and obviously she was right because the girl texted him that night wanting "entertainment."

[Gigabitch]

I can't imagine why she sent back "Actually, I'm busy". Oh, no, no, no. I would have played that one all the way out. I would have asked what she had in mind and then asked her to send a pic.

But then, I'm evil.

[misombra]

if that happened in my house there'd be some domestic violence going on over here.

[Gigabitch]

Me too. Let's just say nobody would be able to find his phone and he would be looking very uncomfortable about sitting down.