I want my Ex back Need advice

[>brando.]

My baby left me , we were together for 4 months and it was the best thing that has ever happened to me , we loved each other very much, had a great relationship with our families and saw each other often, however she told me she was not happy and left me, dosen't believe in breaks, etc...the reason she left me is because i didnt try to stop the fighting, we fought a lot , never too too bad though, she always said i love you B and always texted me , we talked every day and caled 3 times before bed every night, , and i saw her 3 days before the split and we speant the weekend together , had a fire , had fun , and 3 days later she left me , , yea i freaked at first and begged a little but then she texted and said sorry for my pain etc... i said u made a decision you belive to be right and i understand, its been a week and i havent texted her or called or nothing and through reading and research i have learned that to focus on myself is the only way to get her back, and things are better already, i am working out, making lots of money and speanding time with friends as well as working on problems i had that i believe made her leave like being over emotional, too sensitive and being dismissive and bad manners and a few other things i could tell frustrated her,

heres the thing, i want to know if it is okay to call now, of if i should give it another week or 2, i cant just wait for her to call because she is strong and i have a feelin even if she wanted to she wouldnt , i know what i need to to to make it easier for her to want me back but i was wondering if any women have any additional advice on having her want me again and when a good time to call would be , how do i go about asking her to see me after the contact has been re established again, i am confident i can make her as happy as ever and am willing to be friends and slowly rebuild attraction and jus simply be a good guy to her ,

please help, i love her so much and will go thru anything and do anything to have her laying beside me again ,

thank you

[cohen_girl]

ask yourself what you did to woo her in the beginning of the relationship that got her to like you. Did you bring her flowers, or give her nice compliments, or did you go out of your way to do nice things? What attracted her in the beginning? Also ask yourself what she didn't like about the relationship and what you can do to fix the things that went wrong. Try to prove to her that you've changed as a person and are willing to work on your problems and show her that you can be the man she was interested in to begin with.

[>brando.]

in the beginning i didnt have to do anything besides be myself, we connected and had a lot in common but after a month we began fighiting about dum things and it never got better . #1 is i can make her laugh like no tomorrow and i made huge efforts to do special things, we got used to in our last month to just doing nothing but sitting at my place , i began gettin frustrated with her when she fell asleep right after coming over and watching tv, i was also rude in some ways, i realize i lost a lot of attraction from her , i want to be the sweetheart i was and i need to sort some things out in my ife, financially and get over some confidence issues, once i do that and have made some progress i would like to start seeing her again,

what kind of things can i say when i am ready to call again and and how do i go about asking her out for a meeting, then dates then finally talking about getting back together, is it better to just be friends and see where it goes and to make her smile and happy being my friend so maybe she wil want me back, i am asking soo many questions and doing a lot of research because i want to do this right, even tho she left me i know we are golden together, i just stopped making her happy and i waant to show her it wil never be like that again, words do nothing so how do i SHOW HER ?

[cohen_girl]

I would say try and see her face to face (not via text, phone or email) because other methods of communication are so impersonal. Let her know that you've been working on improving yourself and tell her that you still love her and want to be with her and are willing to make an effort to work things out and try again because you really don't want to lose her. (Try and keep your cool while doing this, don't cry or anything, if she thinks you were too emotional, it's best to express this calmly)

[spiritofjosh]

Man no offense but I personally feel that the less time you were together the less of chance you have of getting back together. 4 months isn't a very long time but that doesn;t mean it's impossible. Just keep that in mind and work on you, don't spend your life dwelling on something that didn't last very long. It sounds harsh but I didn't say it WON'T work out. If it will, it will.

[xxazurexx]

I don't think that the time you spent together in a relationship is an indicator as to whether a couple will get back together or not. Whether it was short term or long term, I think it depends upon how strong the love was, still is and if the hearts are still in it, as to whether couples will reunite. I know people who were in very long term relationships and once it ended, it ended forever. My own 10 year marriage ended forever and I know plenty of other peoples who did too...
People may say 'Oh well you have a long history togehter, he/she will be back'. But not necessarily. It could have been a ten year relationship that had just lingered on, where both or one of them was unhappy - having a long history with someone, doesn't mean it was a 'glorious history' together.....

I think OP that you should give it one last shot. One last shot means that you are doing what you can, have done what you can and to try to salvage the relationship.

It sounds as though this wasn't really that good or healthy a relationship and because you would fight a lot. She has grown tired of the constant fighting, hence she ended it - I'm thinking things must have been worse than you say and for her to end it. You need to woo her back and show her that you have changed. Prove to her that if you got back together, that things next time around would be different.

It may be too late to salvage it, too much damage could have already been done. But I guess that sometimes we feel that we have to give things one more shot and before we can move on.

You don't say if you ever sent her flowers or not, so I'm guessing you didn't. Surprise her by doing something romantic, that you never ever did before and attach a note that says 'Thinking of you' or something along those lines and see what follows.

[spiritofjosh]

I understand your point but what I meant was if you're in a relationship for 4 months that's not always a lot of time to build something strong. I'm sure people have built a strong enough relationship in two weeks but I guess it really varies between couple to couple. Either way I believe it just depends one what developed in 4 months that will be the factor in where the OP's future lies with this girl.

[>brando.]

it was very strong, we spent endless amounts of time together , and even tho we fought we could get over it right away and say i love you , on top of that we both has strong connections with our families,

many books and such have said not to send flowers and notes etc,, even if i wanted to i couldnt do that because i don't have her address, never needed it before .


what would be a good thing to say the first time i call and should i ask her for an outing the on that call or wait another week to try and see her, should i talk about me changing right away or get a few dates first ?

thanks for all your help and advice already, however i am going in the diection of temporary no contact, i do eventually want to see her, and at least be friends if she has no feelings at that point, we had a lot of fun together and can make one another laugh easily , either way, i want to be iin her life and i am in the mean time focusing on myself and working on things she didnt like as well as building a decent financial status as well , working out, spending lots of time with friends etc,,

[spiritofjosh]

I really hope nothing but the best for you because I know exactly how it feels, having strong family connections is a good thing too I believe because it has that extra "backing" in your favor. One thing I will say is you mentioned spending lots of time together followed by mention of fighting. That may go hand in hand, seeing too much of each other will lead to more bickering, take things slow and if you don't see her every waking moment (not saying you do) the more time you'll have to miss each other. But before you get to that point just wait a week or so and see if she will contact you, if not I'm not sure because that's the point I'm at myself now.

[>brando.]

thanks man, i have realized that the main purpose of a breakup is change, to change yourself in good ways, exchange bad habits she didnt like or annoyed her into good ones , and be happy about myself before i try to be with her,

its been a week since we split and we talked one time, i hope to be able to call her in another week or 2 just for another hello, and go slowly from there and try to build her interest again. some ppl say let her go and wait for a call and if she dosent then give up, i dont believe in that, i have to commit to making change and show her and not say i have but really show it, take her out, make her laugh, dont bring up bad shit or be a downer, the most important is the timing on asking for an outing, too soon and she says no too late and shes moved on to another man , i am not relying on her calling me cus if she dosent than i have no backup plan. u have to know what to say and how in that first call and in the first time u see eahother,, those are the most important, she has to literally see that a change has been made and if you havent changed then she will see right through it,

these are things i am planning on doing, .. if any women have more advice on getting my baby back please feel free to help me out, as for my last reply, i hope it helped you out.

[cohen_girl]

thanks man, i have realized that the main purpose of a breakup is change, to change yourself in good ways, exchange bad habits she didnt like or annoyed her into good ones , and be happy about myself before i try to be with her,

its been a week since we split and we talked one time, i hope to be able to call her in another week or 2 just for another hello, and go slowly from there and try to build her interest again. some ppl say let her go and wait for a call and if she dosent then give up, i dont believe in that, i have to commit to making change and show her and not say i have but really show it, take her out, make her laugh, dont bring up bad shit or be a downer, the most important is the timing on asking for an outing, too soon and she says no too late and shes moved on to another man , i am not relying on her calling me cus if she dosent than i have no backup plan. u have to know what to say and how in that first call and in the first time u see eahother,, those are the most important, she has to literally see that a change has been made and if you havent changed then she will see right through it,

these are things i am planning on doing, .. if any women have more advice on getting my baby back please feel free to help me out, as for my last reply, i hope it helped you out.

Sounds like you're heading in the right direction. Good luck getting her back!

[jeffholland00]

the best thing you do.find the reason why your girl friend leave you and if you think that the reason is your bad attitude.you shoul change your attitude then let her know that you're already change the bad things in you, give her a flower and chocolate, do impressive things in her eyes. ask for a second chance,

[>brando.]

i have been told that asking for a seccond chance is a bad idea because it reminds them of why they broke up with you in the first place, i have bee told and have read that just re establishing communication, hanging out then getting some dates and :showing" her i have changed and am different in stead of saying it to her .

my gut tells me i have to wait at least a month , i want her to know i would do anything for her and that i stilllove her but many have said the best thing is to show that you have moved on by not calling or contacting her in any way, to dissapear and if she cared she will be curious about what is going on and contact me,... but what if she dosent contact me, does that mean she dosent love me at all or care anymore . or should i , in time try to meet with er and tell her how i feel or just play it smooth and be friends and re build the interest all over again, instead of saying iv changed and want you in my life, to me i feelthat is a last stand, like as if i have already waited and already tried being friends and already tried taking her out, and then if in a while i still et no responce then i say how i feel and want her back,

what is the best way to go about doing these things, what are the best tactics ?

[MerryH]

many have said the best thing is to show that you have moved on by not calling or contacting her in any way, to dissapear and if she cared she will be curious about what is going on and contact me

I think you're misunderstanding this. You're not meant to just "show" that you've moved on, you're actually supposed to move on. That includes not plotting ways to get back together with her. I mean, I guess if you insist on trying to get her back, talking to her about it sooner rather than later would probably save you some heartache. At least you wouldn't be waiting around for a month like a sadsack.

[>brando.]

well i just feel like if i contacted her any time soon and tried getting her back im pretty sure it would make me loose her forever, dosent she need time as well to get over emotions and to move on before i should contact her and try to get back in her life, i dont plan on counting down the days until i call her in a month i am impriving myself , for wether or not i get her back, i do know it will improve my chances tho , by developing a positive attitude, working out and letting go of the fact she left me , therefore when i do see her she will see a true change,

as opposed to calling her in a week or tomorroand saying will you see me or can we meet up, she will know it hasent been long enough to get over the breakup and will know i plan on talking to her about things that cant be changed at this very moment, . i think it would be wise to geve her space, give her time to think of memmories or me and miss me... if she does .. if i bomb her with i miss you and want you back and dont do things right i will loose her forever , with no chance of even being friends, we had soo much fun together , like a lot, and have a strong connection, the releatopnshi[ ended for reasons that i am working on and at least leaving it alone for a while and coming back as a friend will give her a chance to like me all over again instead of being reminded by reasons why we split in the first place.


i have already called twice since we split 2 weeks ago so i think i need to give it at least until december, the longer i wait the better the chances of he calling me right?


what do you ladies think, am i going about this in the right direction,? my goal is to move on .. and get her back, .. if that makes any sence