Really complicated problem that Im in......

[Halzman]

First off I'd like to say that Im glad I found this forum and I hope it can be as helpful as I hope it to be. My problem is very simple; Me and the girl (Jill) only kiss when either of us are leaving to go home for the night.... however, this problem requires a long story so please bare with me and I really hope someone can help me. Thank You.

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Alittle under a year ago I met Jill while hanging out with my friends and one of my friends girlfriends and her friends. From that point on I was pretty much determined that she was the next girl i would love. I didnt actually 'officially' meet her until septber-ish and things hit off pretty well between us, actually they were perfect. 2-4 weeks into it, we start to not talk as much b/c were both so busy, so from that point on we lose contact like we never even knew each other. It wasnt until some time (i dont remember exactly but in my mind i think it was a month or 2) that we started talking and chilling again, but things had to be talked about first. Now, During that month when things were perfect we never really established that we were 'together' or going out, and it would of been akward to ask the girl your with if your going out with them, so that was left a mystery, we both just went without and kept our mouths shut. After the long seperation it was kinda brought up and discussed and things were kinda explained but it was still a mystery. Since then we've been 'seeing' each other (i honestly dont know... but i dont look for other girls, i just treat it as though i am going out with her ina relationship) and the only time we kiss, as i mentioned before, is when we're saying good bye to each other. When were hanging out its just... theres so much tension in the air that it just makes it really akward, b/c i feel that we both want to but theres that thing in the past that kinda got screwed up, so its really weird.

I try to be as open as I possibly can; massaging her, playing with her hair, holding her... the thing is, i feel its to weird or wont be approved for me to move on to kissing, etc. I seriously treat her as though Im her husband and we're married. I just have no idea what to do to break the ice/damn/nuclear bunker blast door so that things can go back to what they were. In september she leaves for college and I may enlist for the marines. I really dont want to leave this situation open like this, im in love with this girl and it kills me everyday that i dont know how to fix this. I am in no way 'unexperienced', which is why this situation is every more frustrating. It just seems that no matter what I do to re-spark our "weird-relationship", i cant change it so that it can just be a regular relationship.

I really hope someone out here can help, this has been going on for atleast 2 confirmable months (my memory is horrible these day...) and its eating at me. If you actually sat and read this, thank you, and Im looking forward to your replies.

[true_love]

It's time to have a serious talk with her. I suggest putting yourself in a very comfortable setting (maybe romantic type dinner setting) and ask her where she thinks this is going. Remind her of all the things you feel that make the relationship special and ask her if she feels the same. I don't know your interest level but I would have to think its around 80-90%. If she is moving to college, she will be exposed to new people and new surroundings so if she doesn't know how you feel then its unlikely that your relationship will survive. If you establish the grounds in which you both realize your a couple, then I would say you need to pour your emotions into shaping your future with this girl. Not saying marriage but grounds for a solid relationship. Ask yourself these questions.....

1) How are you going to handle yourself when she is off too college? Sometimes you don't know what you have until its gone. Don't make this mistake because you will regret it later.

2) Could you handle a long distance relationship?

3) Are you ready to settle down?

If you can't answer these questions, then I would say you may anticipate moving on. Otherwise go for it. Tell her how you feel. Women value honesty and if you show some respect for her and communicate with her, then I think your walls can be broken down. Do something romantic with her? Holding her and playing with her hair does not qualify. Good luck.

[Halzman]

true love: the main problem is that because shes going to college she doesnt want to have a 'boyfriend', which is understandable, its more that we have a mutual relationship that we see each other. I just dont wanna over do it with the emotional feelings stuff because i dont want to push her away by scaring her. My interest level is 100%; i absolutly love this girl and she knows exactly how I feel towards her. I think shes trying not to get to attached because shes afriad of getting hurt during college (shes going to tulane and im either going to be in new york or in the marines). I try to do romantic things to re-ignite the relationship (im one of those hopeless romantics, i do whatever is neccessary... im either crazy or stupid heh). THe other part to the whole story is the family (i dont know how much of a role it actually plays) which im very close with, both parents love me, the grandparents love me, so the relationship is good on our level and on the overall family level. I actually not sure why i added that in now lol but i typed it....

As far as your questions:

1) I definatly know what I have because I lost it and now im still trying to get it back. I just need to make sure that I keep myself busy enough until school break or w/e... i am prepared to 'wait' for her though, its not like shes my weekend girl and then i have a weekday girl, she fits both profiles.

2) As I said above, if I keep myself busy during the away time ,I can definatly do it

3) If i was old enough and ready to settle down (im 19) I would, especially with her.

I appreciate your reply thank you, and i hope to get some more; the more opinions i get the better.

[Halzman]

anyone? Im still stuck in the same pile of shit with the wrong shoes...

[shh!]

Well, offhand I'd say you've invested too much of yourself in what looks like a fairly short-term relationship that may be heading nowhere. (The length of time you've been actually dating her is unclear - I got the 2-4 weeks in September, but then things are fuzzy.) If you are both heading in different directions, I'd back off, but then again, I am not a fan of long distance relationships, as I think they are not real unless you are married.

[icecreamISgood]

Well, I'm being honest here... it sounds like the same situation I've been in for the past almost 5 months, and there wasn't even a break in the "relationship" I was in. Well, I finally talked to the guy, because I didn't know what direction we were going in, and he said he wanted to be my friend. So I'm not saying your situation will turn out the same as mine, but be prepared... because sometimes people are unpredictable.

But since you said she's going away to college or whatever, it doesn't sound like she wants a commitment right away. If I were you, I would continue to have a relationship as friends, and then see where it leads..if you can be that patient (I know I can't usually). Usually the best of bf/gf relationships start off as just friends...it's better not to rush it..and if it's meant to be it will end up how it is supposed to in the end.