My girlfriend left me to go back to her emotionally abusive and manipulative ex

[skeet83]

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago out of the blue and it turns out she has gone back to her previous boyfriend who is the total opposite of me in every aspect

We started dating when she left him because he was emotionally abusive and preferred to spend all his time with his mates. He was very selfish and strung her along for about 4 years To him she was just a trophy. and if you knew her you would have married her asap.THESE ARE HER WORDS, NOT MINE. When she met me we clicked straight away and after about 6 months she confided in me she had strong feelings for me which had developed through friendship. Eventually she saw the light and left him behind to start up with me. I was affectionate, caring, passionate etc (not sooky or demanding or over the top though) and she absolutely couldnt believe how well i treated her & how strong we felt about eachother.

We did everything together and she would always tell me how much she loved me, write poems to eachother etc, it was fantastic. She even talked about marriage, a house etc and how she was so positive we would have it, I was in love and had no resson to doubt any of it. I truly thought she was the one and i am not a lovesick fool in these matters. As i said i was the total opposite of her ex, maybe not having someone for her to mother or rescue got to her as eventually it unravelled. her ex wouldntg leave her be and kept contacting her and played the poor me act and put her on a massive guilt trip which got to her. He also would tell her about girls he would pick up to get her jealous. She knew i didnt like him but i tolerated some contact as she is a free person, (apparently she wasnt allowed to much freedom in their partnership, her words again not mine). She ended up worrying about him when he was doing just fine, he only was playing mind games what really hurts is that we even went overseas together and 5 days later she left me, my world collapsed.

overseas she showed no signs of being unhappy, she even talked of baby names, honeymoons, etc how lucky she was etc. I had no reason not to believe her but in the back of her mind the ex was sitting there. When we got home he got in contact again and put on the i have changed act and i want you back etc etc. Sadly she believed it, he is very manipulative over her. She quite literally broke my heart even though all these people were telling her wtf?. I was nothing hut the perfect boyfriend apparently but i couldnt compete with mind games and guilt trips. I was just honest.

Anyway everyone cant believe it, they saw that relationship first time round and knew it was doomed and no good for her. They saw the change in both of us when we were together. So why has she gone. I find it hard to believe she fell for his crap. Since the split she has totally ignored me and refuses to speak, is it out of guilt?. I have not been given a chance to fight back and that kills me. She is very aggressive to me and i think she is trying to goad me so as to give her a reason to hate me when i never did anything to hurt her ever. this is totaly out of character for her, normally she is very sweet and gentle but with him she changes into a very bitter woman.

I love this girl and want to marry her even still now. I just cant understand why she would go back to someone who strung her along, treated her poorly and has put on the change act when he hasnt at all.Deep down she knows she will not be happy with him, she wasnt before. I am ready for the marriage and kids thing and it was her who always brought that up so i didnt push that on her.I really want to fight for this girl but am afraid that i will push her away even further.

She has already returned to him and it is literally killing me inside to think that she would do this to me. I genuinely think i am the better option for her and still believe we are meant to be. I am just so lost without her and i didnt think it would be this difficult but when you love someone as much as i love her it seems cruel.

So peoples, what on earth is with this girl? Please help me as I am starting to lose it big time.[/SIZE]

[jb1111983]

She dumped you for her abusive ex. If I were you I wouldn't want to be with her anymore after what she's done. Looks elsewhere for love, this girl has a big baggage you don't want.

[Horseyguy]

Good guys come last.

She wants someone that's going to challenge her, get her excited and is a risk. You sound too nice, too safe and a pushover

End of the day she doesn't respect you and that's why she not talking to you and trying to sort it out. As bad as he is for her she obviously wants that. Just get over it and move on

[Kyrina]

I think the guys are right get out of it yes it hurts but she has had her taste of both kinds of guys and sorry but sounds like a silly naive cow to me to give up a guy that is considerate and loving without being over the top.
Its not you she left its her responsible adult side she left,maybe your a good guy but this girl as tooooooooooo many self issue problems she had the chance to leave went to you and then oh my god this guy is too good for me im used she ran more from a positive thing to a situation of self destruction.
Sorry you say you love her i believe you do but honey get out stay out and dont go back to her, because she will come back to you when he batters the hell out of her, and hun dont be the sucker she will use you for because you will never be free or happy and will lose your real chance of happiness if you let this sad excuse run back to you each time
she needs therapy to walk back into that crap are you her therapist ?

[julinneray]

I agree with everyone...the thing with women in abusive relationships is that they tend to have dependency on their partner however much they are hurting. I have seen many times where a woman was being burnt with cigarettes, and bruised and and everything bad you can ever think of. But when she was given an option to get out of the relationship, she said no because she " loved" him. Thats some bullshit I think. But anyways piece of advice, I don't think you have any control over this situation because if she has made up her mind, there is no way you can change it. The only thing you can do here is just sit and wait. If at all she doesn't come around soon, then just know it wasn't meant to be and move on with your life but also keep in mind that u can do way better than being a rebound every time things get bad with her ex. For one thing I am sure she will miss your kindness, may be that will drive her back or may be she is still hang over her ex.

[Cerby]

My ex left me for her abusive ex. All that did was make me feel better, if she was so ingnorant and stupid to leave a balanced guy for someone who emotionally destroyed her, than she clearly wasn't good enough for me anyways.

I felt good when she went back to him, because I know she will never be truly happy the way he treats her. You should feel the same, she left a stable guy for an unstable one. Chasing the challenge or not, if the guy is a prick, he is still a prick.

[smackie9]

Some girls are just like that. It actually makes them feel more special to be with someone like that because they think they can fix them with unconditional love. Their nurturing nature goes into overdrive and makes them desire the lesser more. Sometimes it pays not to go overboard treating a girl "too well". It can make them get bored of you, because that challenge is gone. Make them earn it for once.