Help! Friends with Benefits with ex

[helpersly]

I'm really looking for just some advice or thoughts on my situation.

To start, I dated my ex for 3.5 years, and she broke up with me 5 months ago (i knew it was coming). The break up devasted me, and I'm still in the process of recovering. Over the past months I've brought up the thought of us getting back together, but i gave her the space she wanted and when she was seeing someone else I didn't interfere. Recently we started talking again, nearly every day. I've also seen her twice in the past 4 days, and last night we hooked up.

I'm still madly in love with her, and she still cares alot about me, however shes said "I don't want to be tied down...". Most of what she has said has been saying that she wants to be single and not have everything that goes with being in a relationship. Shes made it very clear that we won't be getting back together anytime soon(summer or next year).

I have been trying to get back together with her since we broke up, and she knows exactly how i feel about her. Part of the reason that we broke up was that she was having feelings for another guy(and things were going downhill for us), and they broke up about a month or two ago.

Its looking like I have an opportunity for a FWB relationship with her in private, but around others (her family) i need to be distant and just a "friend".

Honestly I'm probably going to be hurt, badly, again by her. But just being able to hold her again makes me feel so much happier. I just can't help but feeling a little used and that after the summer is over that I'll end up in the gutter.

What do everyone think about this, and anyone think there is a possibility of this actually getting us back together?

[xxazurexx]

Well I'm a woman who thought that doing FWB with an ex would bring us back together.
Guess what? It didn't....

Being used aint a nice feeling...but hey, if being the 'sex toy' for a while appeals, go for it

[Gigabitch]

You feel "a little" used? Seriously? How 'bout TOTALLY used? Like a Kleenex. You used to be her boyfriend and now you're willing to settle for being her dildo.

Someone needs to stop you from digging yourself any deeper into this hole.

[warriormaiden]

She's using you, because she knows you have deep emotions for her, and will probably, more than likely, do things her way. Plus, it feels really good to a girl when she knows that guy she broke up with, is still pining after her.

It'll just be easier if you just cut all ties with her, and walk away. I know it's tempting, (I was in this exact same situation) but you've got to do it. The pain is just going to be SO MUCH GREATER when she leaves you again. Just leave it alone.

[xxazurexx]

Someone needs to stop you from digging yourself any deeper into this hole.

or her hole for that matter or was that your subtle way of saying it, lol

[cmacattack1]

Find your dignity and realize that she dumped you for somebody else, it backfired, and she just wants to use you as a cushion. You can't help how you feel, but you can control what happens in your world. Letting her waltz back in after she dropped a serious bomb on you and emotionally cheated on you is doormat behavior. You aren't going to change her mind, she doesn't really love you, and you are going to go back to square one or worse after all the progress you made to get your head back on straight.

[Cosmo]

No way. Get away from this girl, cut off ties, no contact. Move on with your life!

I've given a few of my exes a farewell tour so to speak, but I was always very, very cold with them immediately after and they only saw one tour of duty. It seems to provide closure for both parties to be honest. That and I lack discipline. I get a surprise knock at my door and its a lady seducing me in my all time favorite fetish, I don't care who it is I can't say no.

That lingering passion and 'i wish I could see her naked one more time' goes away and all that's left after is logic. After 2 weeks to a month I realize how much happier I am single, but I'm typically starting to get horny so an encore is the bees knees.

but it depends on the situation. With my ex fiance there is no way I would give in and allow a rematch. My feelings for her are too strong for one and I can't ever allow myself to take her back and breakup sex would ruin our memory. It would just cheapen everything.


so that's where you are at. Was she a passing girlfriend and you have no concerns about cheapening everything you ever had just to put your penis in a warm and moist hole? Or was she something special that never worked out and you need to move on and cherish the memory?

[Kaius]

I wish I had a FWB so I could tap and disrespect and treat like trash. Free sex sure beats paying for it.

[Mish]

Don't do it. It sounds like she's moved on, but you haven't.

[IndiReloaded]

Some ppl just love to hurl themselves in the shredder. Head first, even. Unbelievable.

Come on Helpersly, you posted here b/c you already know this is a bad idea.