Difficult situation - Advice needed please

[pete82]

Hi all, I've never posted anything on a site like this before but would like a few opinions.

Ok, so I met a girl that I really liked. We've been together for a few months now. Everything has been brilliant and since we met we've been spending almost all weekends together as well as a night in the week.
However her family live in south africa and her last few family members who did live here are moving in a few days time. Over the last few weeks we've been arguing a lot and she has become really distant. Now she wants to slow things down and see each other a lot less (also talk on the phone less - we talked every day)Her reasoning is that she needs to see more of her friends as she feels she's been neglecting them and also she needs more time to herself.
This all seems reasonable however I thought this would make us closer and she would want me to be there for her family went but it seems the opposite is happening.
As I said I'm really into this girl and want to be there for her. I have a habit of being too available to girlfriends and being 'too nice' which I know isn't a good thing. Also she has said that if we see each other less she will be in a better mood and the time we spend together will be better.

I know what she is saying is totally reasonable but I am aware that we may have been too full on so soon and am worried that she will just push me away completely and we'll break up.
My instinct is to be there for her when she calls and meet up when she wants to see me but on the other hand I don't want her to think she can use me like a door mat and have a one sided relationship where she dictates what she wants and I come running.
I think had her family not been leaving we wouldn't be in this situation but I am finding it hard to deal with as we haven't been together for that long.

I'd just like to know what do people make of this and any suggestions on how to handle it?

Cheers

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You can give her space without being a doormat. Stop initiating contact and start going out and doing your own thing. When she calls you, be upbeat and happy to hear from her and try to keep phone calls short. Ask how she's doing, set up the next meeting between you two, then be on your way. Go out with your friends, and you can still talk to girls; have a competition with yourself and see how many numbers you can get. I'm not saying you should cheat, but outside female attention will help take some of the focus off of her. It all starts by not initiating contact though, just go dead silent and wait for her to get in touch; no 'good morning' text, no ' how's your day going', no 'goodnight', unless she initiates.

[pete82]

Thanks for the reply. What you've said is what I was thinking of doing however I'm a bit worried that this will seem to her like i totally dont care. Her family leaving the country is going to be really hard for her to deal with and as she hasn't broke up with me or asked to go on a proper break I'm concerned that it wil make it seem that I've stopped caring.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

That's what she's asked for. You won't know how much contact is too much, until she sets the bar. It won't seem like you don't care as long as you're available when she needs you. Let her be the one to decide she needs you, and until then, back off and do your own thing. I'll bet she can't go two days without calling you. If she gets upset, just explain to her that you didn't want to annoy her so you complied with her wishes as best you could. Is it really that hard for you to go out and have a good time with your friends without her? She's rescinded some of your responsibility, so you should thank her and go enjoy your spare time, and don't worry about her. I can tell you for sure that it won't end well if you don't give her the space she asks for. She wants to miss you, so make her miss you.

Also, if she asks you for a 'proper' break, just break up with her. You seem clingy so I doubt you'll have the balls, but it's what you should do.