can't stand my girlfriend's...PAST..but cant leave her just cause of it

[paokun]

hi everyone,
well it's more than one year i'm dating this girl, i never had sex before dating her, but she did with her ex-boyfriend, just with a guy. this is something i still hate after one year, i had my first experience with her and her first time was with someone else. that makes me feel too bad everytime i think of it, and after one year i still cant make this feeling calm down. i love her so much and thinking of marrying someone who did sex with another guy even if before than dating me, makes me crazy.
alright, this was a thing. but today i discovered that her ex-bf had sex with bitches. my girlfriend is such a pure and innocent girl, maybe too much, her ex-bf used to drink, smoke, go to bitches, he even raped my gf before becoming a couple (that was their first time), and before separating he used to hit her so much. obviously my gf was so scared of him and decided to separate, and went to the hospital for 3 months cause she was kinda shocked.

so she hates him. should be fine with me, cause no way for she to go back to him. but anyway i'm pretty stupid and still hate the fact she could date with such a bad guy and had sex with him.
anyway, he did sex with bitches and obviously such a bad guy doesnt wanna use condoms, so he obliged my girlfriend to have sex always without it. the first thing i told her after she told me he went to bitches was "get and hiv test NOW", by now meaning as soon as possible. so well, she will have the test next week, hoping everything's fine. anyway, i know many guys dont care to do sex with my girls and they dont care if they had sex with 10 or 50 girls before marrying.
but my dream was to date a virgin and to marry her, so that no other guy could have sex with her. well..now it's one year we are together, i cant leave her just cause of her past because i would be too bad, moreover she is so pretty and pure and always next to me, so she would be the best if she was virgin at first.

anyway, one year together didnt change much my feelings about her past, so i keep getting sad everytime i think of that. any opinion?

[music_jim]

What's in the past is in the past, and you can't change it. How would you like it if someone took a piece of your past and judged you for it the rest of your life?

It sounds like you put her on a pretty big pedestal too with the whole "pretty and pure" deal. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is pure. You're lucky to just find someone who's sane in today's world. An idealistic image of "pure" is bogus. If she's still a good person in general, that should be all that counts.

Take her as she is and write new, exciting chapters into her life. And if you can't get over it then cut her loose, because otherwise you both are getting cheated out of what could be something beautiful.

[NeoSeminole]

well, seems like you can never marry a virgin now or you would be a hypocrite. So you might as well get used to the idea of dating an experienced girl.

[misombra]

how old are you?

[paokun]

you're both right..i'm 24, well now i should be with a girl who did it with just a guy a well. but i dont wanna leave my gf, she is perfect for me, just i hate thinking a guy who goes to bitches probably treated my gf as a ***** as well.

[whaywardj]

No. What you got, Paokun, is a control issue posing as a morality play. Might want to start looking into that while it's still manifesting on her behalf and before it starts expressing itself ON her.

[Junket]

Yeah dude, either get over it.

Or leave her if you can't.

[Late_vamp]

dont think too hard about this past , i used to have the same thing , if you keep thinking about this , it WILL destroy the relationship ... in a ugly way .

[Morboro]

Good luck on finding a pure girl these days.

[music_jim]

you're both right..i'm 24, well now i should be with a girl who did it with just a guy a well. but i dont wanna leave my gf, she is perfect for me, just i hate thinking a guy who goes to bitches probably treated my gf as a ***** as well.

She's not his b|tch now, is she? I think not. So stop thinking of her as one and don't become one yourself. He's the bad guy, be the good guy who's going to make her life worth living.

[whaywardj]

Nice comments, Music.

[misombra]

leave her alone about it. she's probably not very fond of what she's been through but that's what makes her her. and she's probably more willing having been through all that to be with a nicer person. you can't change the past. so move on from this before she dumps you.

[music_jim]

Nice comments, Music.

Thanks, I try.

[whaywardj]

...you can't change the past. so move on from this before she dumps you.

Or before the unresolved conflict you're experiencing transforms into resentment and YOU become her next abuser.

[Mish]

What's in the past is in the past, and you can't change it. How would you like it if someone took a piece of your past and judged you for it the rest of your life?

It sounds like you put her on a pretty big pedestal too with the whole "pretty and pure" deal. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is pure. You're lucky to just find someone who's sane in today's world. An idealistic image of "pure" is bogus. If she's still a good person in general, that should be all that counts.

Take her as she is and write new, exciting chapters into her life. And if you can't get over it then cut her loose, because otherwise you both are getting cheated out of what could be something beautiful.

Everything I was going to say, has already been said in this post and by other posters...

The only thing I can add is for her to get tested as you mentioned before...