something i wrote

[alidile]

So a few members suggested i post something i'd written, i decided to post this. It was the prologue to a book I was going to write but got bored of after this and the outline. it was just going to be about eventful things that led to my leaving home for half a year. here goes! you can be honest, i've had shitty criticism before.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR! WOO WOO!"
I stare at a part of the wall that juts out which the t.v., on, is pushed against. I can't bare to look at the television. I can't bare to look at anyone. That would mean looking at them in the eyes. I don't think I know any other way to look at a person anymore. I don't want anyone to talk to me because I don't want to answer.
I've forgotten how to smile. I couldn't cry if I wanted to. The only expression I have is one of a mouth slighty ajar and big black eyes. That doesn't convey anything.
I hear someone's passed out on the bathroom floor. Aware no one knows exactly how to handle the situation I force myself up and make coffee, start fetching and dealing water, and walk around like a machine. I am on this mission that I have to complete but don't know any of the details to. I wait to see that the girl is alive. I know that she is after watching her vomit in the kitchen sink and drink sulfuric water for 15 minutes. I mutter for everyone to stick their fingers down each others throats and make sure no one is lying on their back.
The stairs are so steep, luckily only one person fell down them. I trudge up.
I walk into a room, followed by two cats. They're the only company I need. I had to get away from everyone asking, "are you okay"? Two people lie in a bed. Someone asks me if I can spare a line. /Why be selfish?/ I reluctanly line one up, with all the precision and dilligence I have in me. I explain to the girl in bed, a long ago friend I was seeing for the second time in years, that I had to get away from everyone asking me about how I felt. She understood being in her own mood and all.
I hear a long inhale followed by much sniffing in that dark room. He then crawls back into bed with her. "You smell like coke", she says. And you hear their bodies fall into a cuddle.
I get into my set sleeping place. I got to pick where I slept, I felt bad doing it but was so glad I did. It was the most comfortable thing I have EVER slept in. With one cat on a cubbie in the wall that my cot was pushed against, one on my stomache, and another wandering about the other bodies strewn about the house, I fell asleep. This was after trying to create enough white noise in my head to knock me out.
At around 3:30 am I hear my phone vibrate. A message was sent to me that I can't read at the time, it isn't until the next morning I realize it said "Happy New Year".
I wake up and make my way down the stairs after looking for my clothes and gathering my belongings. I walk steadily down that mountain of a staircase and take a piss in the washroom. I head to the living room and look around, about 8 bodies are sleeping and a couple of people play video games. I re-heat the coffee and sit down in a chair that I sink right into. People start to emerge from their slumber hungover. It isn't until I get confirmation of how horrible everyone else's insides feel that I realize how amazingly well rested I feel. The more I think about it I may have just had the best sleep I can remember. This surprises me and I feel like running around with a banner and singing, "Nah-nah-nahnah-nah".
The host's mom comes home. She compliments me for having the smarts to make coffee and boil water.
We get our stuff together and leave. I get dropped off at my friend's house, he is off at festivities of his own. Feeling extremely awkward I walk into his house greeting his mom, her cousin and his wife, and her friend.
I rush upstairs where I take a brief shower, not wanting to run up a hot-water bill. Then I hide in his room not wanting to face people and explain why I was in her house and her son wasn't with me anymore. However I go downstairs and find it easy to be around everyone. A movie is being watched, no surprise it's a comedy. I watch the movie, which I've seen before and it doesn't happen to be one I really liked. However it's not horrible and I'm fascinated by my friend's mother. She laughs at the same things he and his brother would with a similar sounding laugh. She makes the same comments.
Then as though she can't believe she would have have forgotten to, like forgetting herself, she tells me to feed myself, this is the only right thing for her, a Philipino person with someone in her house, to do. It is something I've observed over the years. If you are hungry and walk into a house with Philipino people living there, you will most-likely leave with a full stomache. I eat and eat until there is a rap at the door and I am collected to be driven the one hour drive back to my house. I say goodbye and extend thanks for having me.
The car ride takes one and a half hours I wish I could have skipped.
I get home.

[IndiReloaded]

This reads like a journal entry. I'm not sure I got the 'flavour' of the subject of your book from this. Doesn't a prologue typically finish w/some kind of 'hook' to entice the reader to go on?

If you are still developing this, I would suggest you work on that.

Still, its better than any fiction I've ever written (which would be none, lol). Brave girl, good job!