Restoring Trust and Happiness

[hopelife]

Me and my girlfriend of 6 years (we started dating in highschool) we are both 20 now, we are at college together, and within the past 6 months we have been very rocky with multiple small break ups because of some of the stuff I have done in the past which has basically destroyed all trust in our relationship. (no i have not cheated)

We both do want to work this through and continue our lives together, we both love each other and do not want anyone else.

Can anyone give me some advice on restoring trust? Cause at the moment we are not together.

[cookies27]

If you want to restore trust in the relationship, you both need to take breaking up off the table and really commit to working together and communicating instead of just breaking up every other week.

You've been together a long time- I'm not sure what has broken the trust here, but maybe some couples therapy might help you along. It's also a great way to learn how to communicate better. Until you both address how you're feeling about whatever the issues at hand are rather than just losing tempers and breaking up, you're going to be stuck in the same cycle, I think.

It takes time and effort from both parties to work on that- I'm in the process of it within my own relationship, and it's a rough go lol. Best of luck to you x

[basilandthyme]

Restoring trust takes two things.

1. for the person who broke the trust to not do it again and to stay transparent with future activites
2. the person who was hurt must be open to letting go of the hurt and moving forward with a clean slate.

If either party is unwilling or unable to do the above, it's not going to work out.

[hopelife]

If you want to restore trust in the relationship, you both need to take breaking up off the table and really commit to working together and communicating instead of just breaking up every other week.

You've been together a long time- I'm not sure what has broken the trust here, but maybe some couples therapy might help you along. It's also a great way to learn how to communicate better. Until you both address how you're feeling about whatever the issues at hand are rather than just losing tempers and breaking up, you're going to be stuck in the same cycle, I think.

It takes time and effort from both parties to work on that- I'm in the process of it within my own relationship, and it's a rough go lol. Best of luck to you x

Restoring trust takes two things.

1. for the person who broke the trust to not do it again and to stay transparent with future activites
2. the person who was hurt must be open to letting go of the hurt and moving forward with a clean slate.

If either party is unwilling or unable to do the above, it's not going to work out.

Yeah we've done the counseling thing, but she does have a very bad temper, she is the sweetest girl otherwise, and I would do anything for it, it's just when something happens she just blows up.

We always thought she might have ADD or w/e but she isn't bi-polar. We were in the process of communicating better and I thought we had been doing a great job.

I have had pictures of girls in my email that have been passed around in high school and I didn't even know they were on there anymore and she discovered them and brought them to my attention, this happened twice. It was an old email account that I didn't use anymore that had 20,000+ unread emails in it and they were dated back to 2009 and one was 2012. I did get one from a friend my senior year of highschool thought while we were together. I feel like I just keep messing up and I just want my past to go away because if it wasn't for that we would be great!

And it's always been said your younger years are the time to make mistakes and learn from them, and I feel like thats what I have been doing but it seems that we just keep going back to square one every month for the past 4-5 months.

[cookies27]

Well, if that's all then it seems to me that she's being really unreasonable in still making you pay for what you've "done", if you can even call it that. That makes little to no sense to me considering it was an account that you don't even use anymore.

Basil hit the nail on the head- she needs to be willing to give that up and move on. She's been holding that over your head for a long time which isn't fair to you. Obviously, you have been transparent since she found additional photos (in an un-used email account).

She's built this up in her head to be something that it's not. She needs to let it go, or you need to let her go unfortunately. Best to you both xx

[hopelife]

Well, if that's all then it seems to me that she's being really unreasonable in still making you pay for what you've "done", if you can even call it that. That makes little to no sense to me considering it was an account that you don't even use anymore.

Basil hit the nail on the head- she needs to be willing to give that up and move on. She's been holding that over your head for a long time which isn't fair to you. Obviously, you have been transparent since she found additional photos (in an un-used email account).

She's built this up in her head to be something that it's not. She needs to let it go, or you need to let her go unfortunately. Best to you both xx

Yeah, well I guess in 2012 (we were split up for about 4 months) she was seeing another guy, and I ended up having sex with another girl, and she did some oral stuff with this guy, and when we got back together in the summer we asked each other if either of us had done anything and we both lied to each other and said no, but then she found out in August of 2013, and because mine is "worse" I'm automatically at fault.

[cookies27]

You were split up. She tried someone else, you tried someone else. Time to get over it. It's not worse, there's nothing bad about it. It's not cheating when you were split up and both actively seeking new relationships.

Again, she really has no right to be holding that stuff over your head and making you feel badly for it. And you don't need to feel guilty anymore.

[michelle23]

You are both v young, you have both made mistakes. The reality here is if she cannot forgive and let it go then you guys need to split up. This relationship is unhealthy and dysfunctional. Breaking up every week solves nothing. It just causes more trust issues and insecurity so your either both committed to a fresh start, clean slate or you both go your separate ways

you do need to put your foot down and say enough is enough. Tell her straight those emails were not your fault and she needs to get over it. As for what happened when you were apart is not a breach of trust