Attention ALL Women... I need your advice

[RonHedlund]

Ladies, I need your advice and I need it badly. My name is Ron and I am 39 years old. Her name is Morva (that is short for here real name) and she is 37. 7 months ago I found a wonderful woman. After a few months that went by we declared our love for one another. She is everything I have ever dreamed about in a woman. She is smart, pretty, kind, patient, loving and so much more I cannot even list them all. We have even talked about marriage. In the beginning of the relationship she told me all the things she wanted to do with me. Mostly after we were married. Nothing sexual. Just the things that she was looking for too. We talk all the time. I tell her my wants and needs and my expectations out of the relationship. She has also told me some of her expectations as well. Now for the twist. I am really In love with this woman. For the time I wake up in the morning till the time I go to bed I think about her and text her and tell her that I love her constaintly. I am also always trying to come up with new ways to spice up our bedroom life as well as our romantic life too. Planning trips outside the bedroom, and trying new things inside the bedroom. We have both been married and dirvorced once with both of us having daughters that like to hang out with. I feel like my feelings for her is on fire and I am always expressing my self and telling her my concerns. She has told me a little about her past. She has also told me that she never intiates anything outside or inside the bedroom and never has. I told her that it take two to make the passion and romance stay alive in the relationship, but she just does not get it. She will tell me she loves me, but her actions often say different. She never intiates sex, but she will go along with it everytime. I am able to give her orgasms and sometimes even multiple orgasms but I never feel she is quite satisfied with our sex life. She says she is but once again her actions speak differently. Now the biggie and this is for all you women. She told me that 7 years ago she went thru a horny time in her life where she was able to give herself incredible orgasms (deep vaginal orgasms, not just clit orgasms) and even when she had during this time a one night stand the guy was able to give this to her. She say that she was not able to get this ever again and she only had it by herself a few times. The killer is she tells me that I am a good lover (B) but this guy was a great lover (A). This has bothered me alot. I am obsessed with giving her this overwhelming orgasm and she says to me always that she does not think it is possible anymore. I know you all are going to think that I am a immature but I told her that I could not marry her until I felt I was the best lover she ever had. We have had MANY discussions concerning this to the point where I have thought about breaking up with her. Don't any of you women know how fragile a man's ego is? Come on. How many times have you heard you man tell you that you are fat or you got a big ass. You have an ego too and I promise you, you are now longer with them. Anyway back to the origonal thing. She never expresses her feeling to me. IS this normal? I want a woman who is so in love with me that the world stops for just the two of us. This is how I feel. I want the same from her. Please ladies give me all you got. I need your opinion on all topics with woman. Love, sex, relationship, how horny you all get, how many times you all want to have sex, how many times you all can orgasm, is deep overwhelming orgasm throughout your body very important to you to keep you satisfied with your man for all time. Any advice will help. Thanks

[Wakeup]

Don't any of you women know how fragile a man's ego is? Come on. How many times have you heard you man tell you that you are fat or you got a big ass. You have an ego too and I promise you, you are now longer with them.

First off I don't know why you'd blame any of us woman for what your insensitive gf said to you. Talk to her about that, not us.

Please ladies give me all you got. I need your opinion on all topics with woman. Love, sex, relationship, how horny you all get, how many times you all want to have sex, how many times you all can orgasm, is deep overwhelming orgasm throughout your body very important to you to keep you satisfied with your man for all time. Any advice will help.

I do believe that's something else you need to resolve with your gf. If she's quite satisfied with regular ole orgasms and never turns you down then maybe you need to tell your ego to stop bugging you and just enjoy the ride???

[tremolo]

Wakeup is spot on. If she's happy with your sex life, then you need to get over your ego and quit worrying about whether you are the most phenomenal lover she's ever had.

[RonHedlund]

Ladies. Thanks for the info. But that is what I am trying to say. Her actions speak different than her words. It is not just about my ego here. Don't any of you believe that the person you are with is the greatest sex you have ever had? If not why would you be with the guy. Come on. You ladies can't tell me that incredible sex is not important to you. Would you really be with a guy that could not give you everything your hearts desire including phenomenal sex? Perhaps your not being honest with yourselves. I am trying to be honest with you all. I know my ego is brused here? Putting that aside I still would like to know that I have the ability to be the best lover she ever had. Any pointers? you all know your body better than any man does.

[tremolo]

Ladies. Thanks for the info. But that is what I am trying to say. Her actions speak different than her words. It is not just about my ego here. Don't any of you believe that the person you are with is the greatest sex you have ever had? If not why would you be with the guy. Come on. You ladies can't tell me that incredible sex is not important to you. Would you really be with a guy that could not give you everything your hearts desire including phenomenal sex? Perhaps your not being honest with yourselves. I am trying to be honest with you all. I know my ego is brused here? Putting that aside I still would like to know that I have the ability to be the best lover she ever had. Any pointers? you all know your body better than any man does.

What's that? Oh, yes - that's still your ego talking.

Your issue is that you want the reassurance that you are the best she has ever had. Stupidly, she didn't tell you that, but told you some other guy did something for her that you have so far been unable to do. I understand that you want to be the bomb that rocked her sex life. Everybody wants to be that for their partner. She's not saying you aren't - she's saying that one time, with another guy, she had a different kind of orgasm than she's had with you. Just because he did that one thing she liked doesn't mean her sex life with him was better. And even if it was - there's a reason she's with you and not with him. You are sweating something that is really not a big deal, because she's told you she's happy with your sex life and she's having orgasms with you.

If anything, you might want to spend some time with her experimenting and seeing what you can do to improve upon what you already have. But honestly, it doesn't sound like there is a whole lot that needs improving.

[RonHedlund]

Thank you very much tremolo. I needed very much to hear that and especially from another woman. Please understand that there are alot of divorces in this world, alot and I do not want to be another statistic. I would like to be everything and the best of everything to her. This may seem like an ego thing, you are right. But I believe it is so much more. Both Men and Women cheat alot on each other and sometimes they look back at something they might of had better and they wonder if they will ever have that again. I know I probably think about it to much, but I want to be everything to her. It is not just about the sex. I have talked to her about ALL these subjects, including that. It does not sink in and I do not understand why. I on the other hand hang on every word she says. She has a hard time opening up to me. I can be a bit overwhelming. Do you think I should back off from giving her all of me. Perhaps be alittle distant. Do not talk that much. Some people like the chase in a relationship. I often wonder if I am to open to much and express how I feel to much. She tells me she like it, but once again her actions speak differently. I told her you dont get to act like a kid very often and you may only get a few times in your life were you can fall in love. I tell her to act on her impulses. Be free with her expression. If she wants it, go get it. Insert any topic with me. Our sex life is pretty good, it is just from a man's point of view if you are not with the one that is the best at that point you need to move on and I figure that woman are the same. I do not want her to settle with me. I want her to 10 years from now to look back and say I have given her the best of everything that she ever had. I do not feel that way right now. Once again thanks for all that you have said. Any more info would be great. With me sometimes it just takes some thing small to make my mind click. Thanks for your honesty

[tremolo]

OP, it sounds like you two might have some general communication problems. The fact you don't feel like she opens up to you is a lot more troubling than the fact you can't seem to (re)produce this amazing orgasm she once had. I don't think you should play games with her by pulling away - particularly if you've been thinking and talking about marriage. You need to have a really candid and honest conversation with her about your feelings.

But the orgasm thing is not a big deal. I know this because I've experienced what your girlfriend did with an old boyfriend, and I've never experienced it again. For whatever reason, no other guy has been able to re-create that sensation for me - but the guy who did was a jerk, and it was in fact my last boyfriend who I told, very honestly, that he was the very best I ever had. It wasn't because of the number or quality of the orgasms he gave - it was because I felt more loved and cared for and respected with him than I had ever felt with anyone else. Don't assume that what is most important to you in bed is most important to her.

[smackie9]

Well at least you both do communicate well, and this is crucial for any relationship, anyways if you find things with her that you dislike to the point of wanting to break up with her, then end it. Only a few months into it and you are already complaining. You are not truly fulfilling each others expectations and that means you are not compatible. So stop bitchin about how your ego is getting hurt and get yourself someone new that fits you better.

[RonHedlund]

Thank you both for your candid views on the topic. I cannot tell you all how I appreciate your view especially you tremolo. you all seem like wonderful women. Thanks again.

[Wakeup]

Any pointers? you all know your body better than any man does.

There's your mistake right there. Every woman does not respond in the same way to the same technique. But, I'm thinking you are smart enough to know that.

Ask your girlfriend what her other lover did to her to get her this deep orgasm and then experiment from there. You might want to google "How to accomplish a G spot orgasm" and read up on that.

[RonHedlund]

I have done both of those things and believe me we have praticed those things. She told me that she was able to receive those types of orgasms for only a brief time approx. 7 years ago. Mostly with herself. During this time she had went to a bar, got drunk took a guy home and they were able to have this orgasm too. She told me that he did nothing special. Just that she had it. She told me that she had these deep orgasms by herself mostly. Only once with a person and it was still not the same. The deep orgasms that she had were even more intense. When she had them with the guy she said is was the same but not as intense. Ladies. you all know your bodies better than I can. What can I do do give her this same pleasure. I have tried everything. I last along time (Sometimes hours), there is alot and I mean alot of forplay (more than hours sometimes). We have tried ALL the positions. She even on occasion tells me that I am TOO big and that it hurts sometimes, but she likes it. I am very romantic to her. We always plan private getaways for her. We talk about everything for hours. She is truly a great person. I just really need this (EGO thing I know). I am even planning a romantic candle light dinner for two on Thursday night that she has no idea that I am planning it. It will include dinner and dancing and everything she likes. We have even stated watching porn to see if that gets her to that point (it does really nothing for me, my opinion is why eat hamburger when you can have steak and lobster). I have googled " How to accomplish a G spot orgasm " and followed it to a 'T'. I am at a loss. Hell she can't even have an orgasm period unless she plays with herself. But that is not a big deal. I mean whatever you have to do, you do in my opinion. Also "Wakeup" I do realize that not all woman respond the same. But I am trying. I just thought I could get some advice and insight to a women's body. Believe it or not the majority of guys have NO idea what they are doing and there are really only a few that are man enough to ask for advice. You all are awesome and I appriciate your advice. Thanks

[IndiReloaded]

Your post says she can give herself a big O. Ask her to show you. Pay attention to what she does. After that its just practice. Good luck, she's a lucky woman that you care so much to satisfy her. Just make sure its not the only thing you have going with each other.

[MerryH]

I can be a bit overwhelming.

No kidding. You're really putting a lot of pressure on her with this need of yours to be her everything. I would feel stifled in her shoes. Let things come naturally, stop trying to control her emotions and responses. Ease off.

If she knows that you're trying really really hard to recreate that orgasm she's had a few times, then the pressure she feels might prevent her from achieving that.

[RonHedlund]

You all are right. I will ease off of this subject for a while and see if things just come naturally. you all have been awesome and I thank you for all your help and patience.

[kageri]

Don't any of you believe that the person you are with is the greatest sex you have ever had? If not why would you be with the guy.

Absolutely not. Each guy still is just as good or bad as he was when I was with him. That doesn't matter. If my main reason for a relationship was to have the best sex ever then to hell with individual guys. I'm gonna go pay a professional or invest in a very expensive sex machine. Much less maintenance and a lot more availability. My husband can't even physically accomplish sex as often as I want it. Does it matter? Not in the least. Most of the time I don't have an orgasm. If I want one I can tell him to go get a toy but most of the time I don't because I don't care. I have a huge sex drive but I still don't care. I care about the emotion and I care that he cares about whether I'm satisfied and that's it. There are plenty of ways to have good sex and it is entirely normal to only accomplish amazing sex for women during certain times of their lives or only while on or off birth control pills. Hormones make a huge difference. Sex is not the same now as it was when I was 19 and masturbation at 19 was not the same as at 15 or 13 or... yea I masturbated earlier than that. I will probably never ever again see the level I did at 21 right after taking a break from birth control pills. Again I don't care. If she's not hung up on the sex then why are you?

Just because she doesn't do something doesn't mean she didn't hear you or doesn't understand. It may just mean that is not her. I have a high sex drive and I rarely initiate sex. I never do things outside the bedroom. I just don't do those things. If he wants sex less often than I feel like having it there is a drawer full of solutions next to the bed for that problem. Being female I can masturbate all I want and still have sex as many times as he wants so it really does not cause any problems. The sex is still good and I keep myself happy. I am not a dependent type personality and I don't rely on anyone for anything right down to how fulfilled my sex drive is. My husband accepts me for who I am and that I will never be aggressive in the bedroom. He allows me to have toys and I do pretty much everything that he can think of whenever he wants to. It works just fine even if maybe one of us would slightly prefer something else we know the personality of the other person and what they will or will not be comfortable doing. Initiating sex on my part = discomfort and will result in lowered sex drive from the stress. Why make someone in to something they are not? If you need constant reassurance through actions and an aggressive lover go find someone that has such a personality and leave the more independent minded who are happy being submissive to someone else.