Ex sort of contacted me..help?

[bart]

I broke up with & started no contact with my LONG DISTANCE ex about 5 weeks ago. 3 weeks after we broke up he had a new girlfriend. The final time I spoke to him he was very cruel, and I decided no contact was best for me to heal.

1 week after out final chat, which was horrible, he posted on twitter, "hey not sure if you still check up on this but just messaging you to see if your alright. You dont have to come on skype, just making sure your safe and ok. Erm yea would be nice to get a little message on here. Thanx xxxxx"

I never responded, still hurt, and obviously not ready yet to be friends. Plus I was still pissed at the way he treated me the last time we spoke.

Last week I started getting really depressed, and these feelings of, "omg, is he the one? will he still want to be my friend? should i contact him?" kept coming into my head. Luckily, I didn't contact him. I had to tell myself that I wasn't in the emotional state to, especially if, god forbid, he mentioned his new girl when talking to me.

Today he wrote on twitter again, "How you doing, not heard anything from you. You ok ???? xxxx" This is exactly a month since his last post. So, he didn't try to contact me for a month.

I haven't responded. I really would like opinions on this. I know him, & have this feeling that he just wants an ego boost. I think he wants to know that I still check his twitter, & have feelings for him. But I don't WANT him to know that, and honestly..I'm proud of myself for keeping no contact this long. I usually suck at it, & talk to him within a day, and I think he knows it..so now he's shocked that I haven't spoken to him at all.

I mean, he has a new girlfriend right? And I haven't spoken to him since before he got her, but shouldn't he be happy with her, not wanting to check up on me? Does anyone have any opinions on why he's contacting me? (even though he doesn't know if i read it or not) Do you think he's doing it for that ego boost or because he actually cares? Or maybe just to see if I'm honestly not dead? And really, if he got a new girlfriend within 3 weeks of our breakup..he couldn't have cared for me that much right? So, is his contact really caring for me, or does he have an ulterior motive? Maybe he feels guilty?

BTW, He has NO way of telling how I'm doing. I don't have facebook, twitter, or anything he could go view. He only has my email, & knows that I have his twitter link, but I haven't responded..so as far as he knows, I don't read it.

I guess now I'm just second guessing myself again. I think that I want to be friends, then I don't. I realize that he's with someone else, I'm not over him, and talking to him as friends will just be a set back for me. But then I think that if I don't respond to his twitter's..like, what if he just stops? And he never tries to contact me again, and we really are never friends..EVER? I realize that once I'm fully over him I won't even care, and won't desire his friendship. Blah, it just hurts right now. So, any opinions on what to do with this would really help. Thank you.

[xxazurexx]

I wouldn't be friends with him and given that:

1. He has a new gf
2. You are not over him.

I think all he is doing, is to check in via a Twitter profile and to see if you are ok. Why use Twitter though? Why not personally email you?
Come to think of it, he could easily text or call your phone and if he was 'that' concerned.

I know that when my ex first contacted me, he called me directly to speak to me. If he'd said something over a Twitter page, I'd have ignored it and because I wouldn't have wanted him to know I was still stalking his profiles. And what makes this guy think you may still be viewing his profiles? For all he knows you may not be looking and for that very fact and if he was serious about hearing from you, he would find an alternative way to communicate and by a means where he knew it would DEFO reach you.

If you do decide to reply, then I suspect that once he gets your answer, you won't hear from him anymore.

[LoveYou]

Try your best to not reply to him...its better if you dont!

[Gigabitch]

If you think he needs an explanation so he'll leave you alone, send him a very brief message that says "I think it would be best if we didn't have any contact".

Do NOT embellish this message with anything else. No justification, no emotional outpourings, nothing. If he keeps contacting you, he's not respecting your boundaries.

[cmacattack1]

The best thing to do is establish indifference. Which you have, with no contact, and I applaud you on that effort because I know your head is spinning with thoughts of, like you said, "Is he the one?" and so on. Which we all go through and we all think of. Very possible it could be just for an ego boost, to know that you are still there pining for him and to establish a kind of cushion. It also supports the fact that his new relationship, if it's still there, isn't solidified yet and indicates he could be having the same thoughts you are.

He could also feel terrible about the mean things he said to you and wants some forgiveness. Not your responsibility though, he'll find a way to deal. Small price to pay if he blindsided you with this. And if his new girl's the one for him, you won't hear from him. I promise you.

You don't have to be friends with him and you have to completely cut him out of your life before you can really begin to heal. If he starts up again with the check ups again and they are really starting to bother you, you can let him know. However I think it's best to just not respond at all and he'll get the message. If you wanted to talk to him, you would. But don't settle for being friends because you feel like you rather have him as a friend then not as anything at all, especially if it's detrimental to your recovery and moving forward. You are your top priority right now, so do things that act in your best interest. And talking to him is not in putting you first.

Just remember that everything is going to be okay, and logically cannot be THE ONLY ONE for you. There are plenty of people that you could find happiness with, and maybe he has been the most important or influential guy in your life to this date, but if you noticed the trend of your past relationships, for most people each one has been more important than the last. So the next guy is going to be GREAT! That is if you are happy and confident with yourself, not playing a victim role, and you have used your experience and wisdom to know which guys are not good and which behavior is not tolerable.

[Charisma]

Yeah, I give you kudos for your willpower so far!

When I was dumped(on 2 occassions) there were hurtful things said about me. I wouldn't have said anything particularly cruel about either guy, but they felt it ok to reject me, then make me feel even worse about it afterwards. Such sadist pricks!

Your life doesn't revolve around this guy. Ok so you might check his twitter or whatever, that's pretty mild. And you know better than to contact/reply to him. His comments to you were uncalled for, you should keep them fresh in your mind every time you read anything to do with him. He has had plenty of time to apologise for the mean things said to you.

So yeah. He's LONG DISTANCE. He's capable of being verbally cruel to you. And he's probably still dating whoever he was with weeks/months ago. He isn't worth it, you deserve FAR FAR better.

****
And I'd be reminding myself where he can shove those bloody XXXX's at the end of his messages!!!

[Ashurii]

I do agree with the others; kudos for not talking to him before! I'm sure we all know how hard it is. I also agree that you should keep it up, since you are not over him, and he probably still has a girlfriend, along with the fact that he was verbally cruel to you. My last ex was this way and it was an on/off/friends thing I blindingly stayed in for months thinking he'd eventually grow up and stop.

He didn't.

[bart]

thank you all so much, your advice has sincerely helped me, and made me feel better for at least a little bit! haha, thank you guys