he doesn't want anything serious

[qwerty99]

Hello, I am new to this forum and would like to post the following to get other views/input from males or females

I met somebody back in February where I always go dancing... we danced together and he would always ask for my phone # or if he could drive me home... in a way I thought he just wants sex so I never had him drive me and didn't give him my phone # UNTIL April - we talked a bit and I mentioned I had car problems and he said he works for a auto body shop and said he might be able to help me... so he gave me his business card and a few days later I called him... it turned out I had to bring my car to a shop and it was there for 1 week... without hesitation he borrowed me his car for 6 days (his friend had 2 cars so he borrowed his friend's car for himself)... I had to get my car into that shop a second time a week later and he came with me and drove me back to the shop after work that same day... so I really appreciated his help... during that time he asked me if I wanted to come to his place, he would bbq and we could talk so I did... we had sex that night... he would come dancing here and there when I was dancing and last weekend I asked him if he wanted to come to play pool as a bunch of my friends played pool... he came and brought a buddy along as well and we had a great time... so we have been having a good time for the last 4 weeks, hanging out once in a while, etc he told me that he really likes me .... 2 weeks ago I was dancing and I asked him if he would come with me and he said no, he wouldn't go out that night...

I asked him recently what he is looking for - in a way I did get the feeling that he was not looking for anything serious (my gut feeling) and so he said to me that he is not looking for a girlfriend/nothing serious... I said ok but I was looking for a relationship that leads into something serious... he said that he wouldn't want to hold me back finding somebody who I can love and have a serious relationship with... I asked him why he is not looking into anything serious with anybody and he said that none of his past relationship ever worked out - so that told me that he built that wall, protecting himself... he was married for only 1 year and got divorced 2 yrs ago. When I asked him what happened he would not tell me - his face was not happy at all...

So 4 days ago after thinking I said to him that it's better if we just stay friends and have no more sex... he said 'ok'... at night he would send me a text saying 'sweet dreams' or 'Good night'... we are still in contact and 2 days ago I was at his place we had bbq together... and I said to him it's best if he finds a woman who just wants sex like him and I find somebody who is looking for something serious... he said 'sounds good'... BUT he keeps texting me here and there saying just 'hi' ... 2 days ago I mentioned that I am having a house party at the end of June... I didn't say I am inviting him but he said he would come and he even said that he could come earlier to help me with preparations... in a way I feel I get mixed messages... I am a bit confused, he doesn't want anything serious but he sees wanting to stay in contact with me, wanting to see me...

Here is my concern, I could give it a try and keep seeing him, maybe his wall comes down but I could also get hurt big time... or I just forget about him and move on...

Guys, why would a man act like that? Why would a man not want anything serious? To me just meeting for sex and having some fun time here and there is not a meaningful relationship.

[Gratedwasabi]

.....I.. Okay. You really seem to be serious so I'll try to respond that way.

Guys like sex. Guys don't always like relationships. If a guy can get a woman to have sex with him without having to spend money on her/invest time/invest emotionally/etc.. they'll almost always take that over a relationship. It's easy and it fulfills a base need/desire for us.

He would act like that to get sex. Not want anything serious because he just wants sex. To him it's not either, but he gets sex.

Guys like sex. Guys don't always like dealing with emotional stuff. He just wants sex and no emotional attachment.

He. Only. Wants. Sex. I'm not sure if you missed the memo, but guys are big fans of non-committed but sexually charged arrangements.

[Wakeup]

Just quit seeing him.. he keeps in touch with you in the hopes that you will take him to bed again and, because he's already told you he does not want a relationship with you, if you go to bed with him again you are going to end up being his fk buddie and nothing more. You want a full blown relationship. He just wants sex. You have two completely different dating goals. Forget about this one.. you WILL NOT talk him into a relationship by giving him sex.

Quit being so naive. Next time, get to know someone better before you go to bed with them.. not go to bed and then get to know them if you don't stop what you're doing, you're chances of ending up with guys who only want sex are high.

[qwerty99]

I know guys like sex but maybe it isn't as black and white... he told me last weekend when we danced at the club that he was jealous when another guy danced with me (a friend of mine) who then texted me later on thanking me for the dancing which he saw... I had told him yesterday that he should go out and find a woman who is just interested in sex and that I will find myself a man who wants something serious... today he called me and asked me how my night was last night and if I had already found a boyfriend as he knew I was going out last night... why would a guy get jealous at other guys who dance with me if he had no emotional attachment? I told him to go and find somebody else, he texted me this morning, the then called me...

[surfhb]

Lol! Yeah....were funny. Well say anything to get in your pants.

He already told you his intentions.

[ShellyZ]

He's just trying to get you to have sex with him again. He does NOT want a relationship, but he'll be happy to get free sex from you if he can. Like the others said, forget about him and stop spending time with him. Find someone who wants a relationship with you.

[doppelgaenger]

If a guy can get a woman to have sex with him without having to spend money on her/invest time/invest emotionally/etc.. they'll almost always take that over a relationship. It's easy and it fulfills a base need/desire for us.

Not true. When I don't want a relationship, I still want to go out and have a good time - no strings attached. That's half the experience! If I just wanted to fück something, I'd get a rubber vagina. It's so much easier than going out and doing the song and dance when you're not even interested in the girl; that's the real waste of time.

[qwerty99]

Yah that's it, having fun, having sex but no strings attached... he invests time in me, he pays every time we go out, he cooks for me, he called his boss to say he comes to work late when I had to drop my car off and he picked me up from the shop... he talked to the mechanic regarding my car and went to scrap yards to find parts for me... he invested quite a bit of time in me for just getting sex lol

[surfhb]

That doesn't sound like a whole lot for banging some fine girl.

[Sonrisa]

damn, another qwerty....confuses the shit out of me

[ShellyZ]

That doesn't sound like a whole lot for banging some fine girl.

Especially when he still has the freedom to bang other fine girls. Maybe he has done a lot for you, but he still has no intention of getting into an exclusive relationship with you, probably because he doesn't want to limit himself to just you. Do you really want to get involved with a guy who's sleeping with god knows how many other girls at the same time?

[Gratedwasabi]

Yah that's it, having fun, having sex but no strings attached... he invests time in me, he pays every time we go out, he cooks for me, he called his boss to say he comes to work late when I had to drop my car off and he picked me up from the shop... he talked to the mechanic regarding my car and went to scrap yards to find parts for me... he invested quite a bit of time in me for just getting sex lol

I'm sorry, I should have been clearer.

All that stuff he's done for you? I've done twice as much for women I merely wanted to stick my dick in. Why? 'cuz, it eats time. And it's all a game.. a chase.. ways to get her more in the mood, improve the sex, get her to do things I want in bed.

He might enjoy the chase, enjoy hanging out, but he doesn't want emotional attachment. He's jealous because he wants to be the only guy sticking his dick in you.. **** buddy or not, he doesn't want to know/think other guys are ****ing you.

And so ****ing what? I invest a helluva lot of time in getting laid. It doesn't make you special.. it means he wants to get laid and he knows you're willing if he puts effort in. A guy will put a lot of effort if he KNOWS it will be fruitful. Much better than putting ANY effort in when you don't know if it'll end with anything. Bet more on the sure thing than a little on the odds, hun.

[Wakeup]

The thing is OP: he wants you to be emotionally attached because it means better sex for him. So: He does nice things, he gets you all worked up (like you are now) and then when you finally cave and fk him again... you're going to be all over him like white on rice.

You are not any more special or valued to him than any of the other women that he primes for non-exclusive sex.

You are not going to get any of us to tell you what you want to hear because it's painfully obvious that he wants exactly the opposite to you.

Now learn that sex WILL NOT garner you a relationship. Sex is not a bartering tool that will get you a man in an exclusive way. Men can get sex easily this day and age (look how easily he got it from you). You have to show a guy you're different for him to want more than just sex with you. Even then there are some men who are only interested in NSA sexual hookup so get to know who you're allowing inside of you before you allow them inside.

Don't answer his texts or attempts at any form of contact anymore.. It will help you to forget him if you stop the banter.

[oneandonly]

Guys on this forum are amazingly good in interpreting other guys actions and intentions. It's such a shame that girls are so wrapped up and don't see (or mostly refuse to see) what's so obvious. Guess some of us can only learn in hard way.