My husband want to divorce me?

[Emmiesays]

This happened 3 years ago, when I was only 19. I was really young and stupid. I have never gone to party or clubs or anything like that when I was 19. After I finished high school and started getting my own apartment...Well I had a boyfriend, but he was a jerk, didn't pay rent or anything...so at that time I was depressed and I went over to my friend from school (it was a male) and well we had a one night stand. Brandon who is the guy that I had a one night stand with, well he was really kind and understanding. But he didn't want to have a relationship with me, though he did advise me to dump my loser boyfriend and beware of online boyfriend because it was dangerous.

Anyways, I dumped my loser boyfriend and I met this online guy through a friend (who is my husband right now). We started doing this online dating, though I didn't consider it was a date or relationship since we didn’t not meet in real life. But My husband did and about a few days after later I slept with Brandon again...I know I shouldn't have done that...I was stupid I was only 19 years old at that time!

No, I don't have any HIV or any diseases. I’m in good health; just a bit underweight.

After a month later my online boyfriend and I decided to meet up in real life and we did. And we started get along so well. It was so different talking to him in person in real life. Fast forward, now I'm 22 years old and married to him for one year and a couple of months.

He never really trust me because he always asked me about that night when he was trying to call me and I didn't picked up the phone because I was...yeah you know....I know I'm a slut in his eyes. I was the first girl he ever slept with and I have only been sleeping with 3 guys including my husband in my entire life.

Well every time he asked me about that I tried to change the subject or tell him a different story. Last night when he asked me that again...I told him the truth because the guilt was pilling up, and he got upset with me. My husband was saying that I cheated on him when we were “dating.”

I deserve it...now my husband want to divorce me...and I'm only 22 while he is 23. I'm currently a college student and about to finish with school. My apartment lease is going to end on this month, February.

Anyways, after I told him, he got upset and hurt. Then he started to call me slut, whore and etc. I didn't argue back, because I know that I hurt him. He told me that if I told him early, he would have break up with me, finish his degree, and etc. He told me that I messed up his life. Once I heard that from him, I break down and cry. I know that I'm a useless, selfish slut woman in his eyes and I don't know what to do. But the worst thing was when he said that I destroyed his future and his life. That makes me so freaking low.

I apologize to him, but he didn't want to see my face nor talk to me. So I stayed up all night writing him a letter about how sorry and until this day I regret sleeping with any guys beside him. If I can go back in times, I would have never done anything that will hurt him.

So in the letter, I told him that I will find myself an apartment with a female roommate. Because I can't afford to pay rent that is over 500 bucks since I'm a full time student and a part time sale associate. Also, there is no point living together, if he want to divorce me. I don’t want to see us being roommates, that would just hurt so much.

I just talked to Gina and she got a room for me to rent at her house for only 390. It’s a good deal and I’m planning to move in sometimes this month. My husband doesn't want to see me nor talk to me. I left the letter on his pc table this morning before he left to work and to my surprise he took it with him.

I know that what I did was consider wrong in the past. But that was 3 years ago. I mature...and gosh I was freaking 19 years old at that time. All I wanted was to have fun and experience...now I regret it all.

My husband won't forgive me and he said that I cheated on him twice. He mentioned that since I cheated on my ex and now him, it makes me cheated on him twice. I know it is on the same guy, but gosh! L I'm not a bad person at all...if I met my husband in real life I would have never slept with Brandon!

Since I met my husband in real life, I have been faithful to him since now.

To be honest, I don't want to divorcée my husband...22 years old and already a divorcee.

I'm so depress and I cried all last night. This morning I beginning to pack all of my belongings and put them in boxes. My husband doesn’t want to see my face nor does he want to talk to me. It’s understandable; if I were him I would do the same thing. I feel like I’m the biggest slut in the world. I feel 100 times horrible. I know that my husband won't forgive me...I just hope he will...but I know it will be a miracle if that happens.

Is it hard for a husband to forgive his wife?

No I don’t have any kids

[Lite]

To answer your question about is it hard to forgive infidelity. YES.

That having been said, it happened while you were dating, not married, so that mitigates it a little. Not by much. The fact that it happened once, and only once is a good thing in my eyes, but then again I've sort of been in your shoes.

Pretty much all you can do is give him some time to calm down, apologize a lot, and ask if you two can go to counseling. You broke his trust, and it's going to take a long time to regain it. If he gives you the chance that is.

Pretty much you're going to have to be willing to have a completely transparent life with him. As in he knows your passwords to your e-mail accounts, can look at your phone records, calls, and txts for your mobile. Pretty much give him access to ANYTHING he needs in order to feel secure in that it isn't happening again or any more.

He has every right to be angry and hurt. You betrayed him. There is no excuse, not even being young and stupid. You still did it...

Good luck. It sounds like you're going to have a difficult road ahead of you in the future. Oh, and if you're going to lie keep it simple. "I must have been in a bad reception area." "My phone somehow turned itself off." "My battery was dead." You know, normal shit.

But then again, if he's so worried about where you were one night over and over again, it sounds like he didn't trust you to begin with (rightfully so in this case)...

Why did you marry before you graduated anyway?

[Emmiesays]

We decided to get married, because he was the right guy for me. Now my marriage is going down the hill. If my husband won't forgive me, then no matter how hard I tries to get him back he won't come back. He's a type of a person who doesn't like to do the plan b, but only stick with plan a.

[Gigabitch]

If he's ready to throw in the towel because you slept with someone a few days after you met online, a month before you ever even met in person, he's looking for excuses.

Yes, lying is wrong. You should never lie, to anyone, ever. It feels like shit and makes you look like a weasel when you get caught. However, it sounds to me like your husband is the kind of person you felt you couldn't tell the truth to, even after a couple of days. (This, by the way, is no excuse, just an explanation.)

The new rules Lite has mapped out above are going to work if he goes for it. He should go for it. It's perfectly reasonable.

Look, I came very close to chucking my now-husband a while back because I found out he had lied to me about something. It shook the very foundations of our relationship. It was a kind of a Humpty Dumpty proposition. It took a long time to get it through his skull that what i was upset about was the lying, not what he had lied about.

I think you need to clarify with your husband what he's really pissed about. Is it the lying or the "cheating"? If it's the lying, I think it's fixable with enough work. if it's the cheating, then I must say he's being somewhat unreasonable. You hadn't even met the guy, for God's sake.

[Lite]

We decided to get married, because he was the right guy for me. Now my marriage is going down the hill. If my husband won't forgive me, then no matter how hard I tries to get him back he won't come back. He's a type of a person who doesn't like to do the plan b, but only stick with plan a.

That's really kind of how it works though. Either they forgive you, and you two work to move on. Or he doesn't, and you move on separately.

I really should write up a post on cheating, and how best to keep your spouse sometime...

[Lite]

Oh, and if I haven't already said it, you're most likely going to need couples counseling to get through this.

[Lite]

Yes, lying is wrong. You should never lie, to anyone, ever. It feels like shit and makes you look like a weasel when you get caught.

Weirdly enough... Study after study has said, "If you've cheated, love your spouse, never will be discovered, and truly love them... Don't tell them about the infidelity. Period. You'll actually hurt them more in the long term than if they never knew."

I'm not sure that I agree with this morally, but emotionally I can understand it.

[Gigabitch]

Well, that might work for someone with more self-discipline, but I am a compulsive confessor. This is part of why I have such a rigid moral code- I could never get away with anything.

I agree that dumping guilt in a partner's lap is inexcusable. Not only do they then have the burden of knowing that they were betrayed, but also the excruciating decision to make about whether or not you can forgive them.

[Mish]

Is it hard for a husband to forgive his wife?

Cheating is a touchy subject and you did do wrong. Though I have a feeling that the extent of your wrong doing is way over rated by your husband. Tell me this, at the time of online dating did you and your husband declare exclusivity for one another? If you didn't then you can use this to regain the moral high ground. This is what I would say "When we first started dating, I didn't really know you and I didn't know which way we were going to go. I dated a couple of people at the time you being one of them because I wanted to find the right partner. When we first started dating we did not specifically agree to be exclusively with each other until after we actually met in person in real life, so you really don't have any right to call me a slut. I believe that you owe me an apology. Failing that, goodbye."

And if he does fail then just say goodbye. It would prove that he's just an uptight idiot willing to sacrifice his marriage for something menial. If it's not this, it will be something else in the future.

[lesa]

I was the first girl he ever slept with...

I didn't know what to say about your situation until I read this above. Unfortunately (somehow) that alone can cause problems in a relationship.

You two had issues communicating when you first met. He expected one thing and you another.

Now he wants to divorce? Like Giga said there is much more to it than that. There always is.