My husband has a hard time being a caregiver

[heartach]

I had a plate and screws taken out of my leg and am not able to walk on it for 2 weeks so my husband has to help with a lot of things around the house and a little extra. I have had other surgeries too where he has had to help around the house no more then a month and he has a hard time with it.



What can I do? He does a " poor me I have no life I need help and I am at my wife and kids beckon call". He is grouchy a lot and I tell him all the time that I don't want him to feel that way and he can do stuff for himself and the kids can help and he can tell me if he needs a break. I also thank him all the time for all he does and tell him to tell me what I can do to help him.


It really bothers me and kinda hurts. How do I not take it personally and help him. He complains to his lady friends about this and exaggerates the situation and is very negative. Would love some ideas on what to do. Thanks.

[michelle23]

Could he be having an affair with this "lady friend"? When he starts complaini.g about u or ur marriage to another woman alarm bells should be ringing in ur ears-look up emotional affairs.

Also when did he start being all "poor me and my hard life" bullshit? If its a recent thing-again that is a sign of an affair as well as his moodieness and being grouchy.

If ur not well he should be more understanding. Hes being very selfish. If he is having an affair-kick him out-if not put ur foot down and tell him to stop his whining. If he was sick ud do the same for him

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Get a divorce. I'm sure you feel bad enough physically and mentally, and he's only concerned with how your inability to walk affects him. I doubt you'll actually file for divorce, so you should start asking your kids to help you and just pay less attention to your husband. If there's something you can do, but it just takes a lot of effort, do it anyway. Don't ask him for help unless you absolutely need him for it, but if you just need something from the fridge, get it yourself. Don't ask nicely either, and don't ask what you can do to help him.

Michelle makes a good point too. If he isn't ****ing his lady friends already, he wants to.

You ****ed up. You married a child. He's not going to change. Do something about it, or quit bitching.

[heartach]

My husband has always been a bad caregiver and I have read about emotional affairs. I agree that he is having one. I even mentioned it to him a long time ago and said he doesn't agree and think that is stupid. He doesn't understand why there has to be so many stupid rules. So I try and ignore it


I do do a lot for myself and have kids help me. I even do things I shouldn't be doing and have other people help so I can get it done and because he feels others should help for those 2 weeks or couple of months

[HeartIsAching]

Is this the same emotionally and mentally abusive asshole who's got nekkid pics of other women on his phone and is on dating sites? Why are you still with him?

[michelle23]

Y are u still with him tolerating his emotional affair? You need to kick him out so he understands his behaviour is not okay. Does it not break ur heart? Do you care? Are u happy?

Nobody should have to live this way. You sound like u have given up. Ask him how hed feel if it was the other way around or find a male best friend to prove ur point.

Come on woman-ur marriage is in serious danger. U have to act now! Do something about it.

[bearz]

If your husband truly loved you he would be taking care of you. Helping each other through tough times is part of marriage.

How is he treating you in general? Is he at least making attempts to show you affection and love or is he simply just giving you the cold shoulder?

[michelle23]

If he is on dating sites etc tell him your marriage is over and move into the spare room till ur back on ur feet. Dont be a doormat for him. You can do better than this!

[HeartIsAching]

Guys, read some of her older posts. She's hopeless.

[Wakeup]

^^^ yep! Codependent beyond reason.

[michelle23]

I dont understand y anyone would put up with this. Its sad how someone you marry could treat u like that but the longer u let him-the more hell do it.

I dont get y ur all nice to him saying tanx all the time etc-u shud put a collar o him and tell him to bark coz hes a ****ing dog!

[smackie9]

It's obviously he feels trapped in a failed marriage. I'm guessing he hasn't asked for divorce yet because he doesn't want to pay child support and alimony. Snap out of it lady and get a divorce.

[Rowen]

If I were you, I'd probably go the bitch route and give him the attitude right back... Have your kids do what they can and continue to do some things for yourself. Then, when he asks "Why are you doing (insert task here)," you could just say, "Well, my husband feels like he's at my beck and call." Maybe it's not the best approach, as I'll admit I've never been married, but it works for my mother when my father acts self-centered about helping out when she CAN'T do certain things.

However, if you'd like to go the diplomatic approach, I would probably confront him and tell him this needs to stop....that either he can do this or he can't but he has to make up his mind. I agree with Michelle that it's an emotional affair. And if he's saying marriage shouldn't have so many rules, I'm sorry (no offense against your match choosing), but I don't think he's mature enough to be married...

Out of curiosity...how long have you been married?

[Boisdevie]

So I try and ignore it

Denial at its very best. Do they sell replacement brains at Walmart - sounds like you need one

[michelle23]

Look up the five stages of grief after infidelity. The longer you stay in stage 1: denial, the longer this will go on. You are the only one with the power to change your life. Its time to take your head out of the clouds, stop being a doormat and grow a backbone.

Your marriage is over. You have three choices:

1/. stay and put up with this crap for another 5 or ten years or until he leaves you for his "lady friend"
2/. End your marriage, look after yourself and try to meet a man who appreciates and loves you and doesn't take you for granted.
3/. Stay where you are for now but try to meet someone else in the meantime. Online dating?

Id personally go for number 2 but I think 3 might suit you better coz your obviously not ready to end it so play him at his own game