2 months since break-up, trying to figure out what to do

[abreed07]

Okay so this is going to be a little long. So I just started college last August. After about a month i started to feel old feelings for this girl that i had known for about 3 years over the internet. (never met face to face). At thanksgiving i took a trip down to her college (by plane) and met up with her for the weekend. After i got back to my college i called her up and told her i still had feelings for her and she did as well. (we really liked eachother before). I told her i was transferring colleges and that i really wanted to go to her college (because of the culture) and that next year we could be together. So i spent all of christmas break getting my transfer in. This whole time she told me she didn't want to make a decision on whether or not we should get together until she found out where i was going to be next year. she also said that the problem with it was the distance which was the reason she didn't want to be with me before. After christmas break i took a weekend to fly down there again to see her since we both wanted to see eachother again. It was a little awkward cause the whole time i wanted to ask her to be with me. I finally did about a couple days before i was to leave. She told me "i think we should wait" In response i said " i can't do that, being friends until next fall would really hurt me because im suppressing feelings for you the whole time." she said "well i can't be with you now because it hurts too much to be alone when you aren't here" I told her "well there are three options, two of which we both can't do, the third: we end it now and never talk to eachother again. But we both don't want that" The next day i woke up and talked to her again about it and this time she said "I think we shouldn't talk anymore, i need to move on." i asked her "so you are going to remove me from facebook, delete my number?" and she said yes of course, then i asked "what about if im here next year, can we be together" and she said "no, i think that's a bad idea, i can't do this anymore, i need to move on" She drove me to the airport the next day where we didn't say anything together for a good 2 hours. When she dropped me off, we hugged and i told her "i guess i won't see you again" and she just walked back to her car mumbling something. I got back to college pretty upset but having gone through this before i was more optimistic and was looking forward to trying to move on. I spent about two months with a counselor who's helped me talk about it and my transfer. I also hung out with friends, watched movies, sports, concentrated on my studies. All of which have dulled the pain throughout the day. The nights are what kill me though. I spend probably about 15-30 mins a night thinking about her. I also am on spring break now. Being back home has really opened the pain up for me. Not being near friends and not having anything to really do is causing problems of trying to dull the pain. It honestly feels just as bad as when she first broke up with me. I also still plan to transfer and her college is still very much at the top of my list. I wonder now if i feel like this at home, what will it be like if im there the next year? I see my counselor again the week i get back but right now i feel terrible and not sure what to do. also, out of respect for her wishes, i haven't spoken to her since and still won't because i know that she will just say that she won't talk to me. I don't know how to handle my situation. I might be young but i still am looking for that right person for me. I feel like i found a person that i would absolutely spend a lifetime with though thats being maybe a little 'naive'. I know there are plenty of people out there, but she is a great person that i don't want to lose. and i want to be happy!

That was the short version of what happened. Going back 5 years is a lot to cover so i tried the best to make this brief. What i am looking for is some advice on what the implications are if i go to the same school, if its normal to feel like this after just 2 months, and what the next steps might be.

[lahnnabell]

I highly recommend you break this lengthy story into paragraphs.

[Lipp]

I highly recommend you break this lengthy story into paragraphs.

Okay so this is going to be a little long.

So I just started college last August. After about a month i started to feel old feelings for this girl that i had known for about 3 years over the internet. (never met face to face).

At thanksgiving i took a trip down to her college (by plane) and met up with her for the weekend. After i got back to my college i called her up and told her i still had feelings for her and she did as well. (we really liked eachother before). I told her i was transferring colleges and that i really wanted to go to her college (because of the culture) and that next year we could be together. So i spent all of christmas break getting my transfer in.

This whole time she told me she didn't want to make a decision on whether or not we should get together until she found out where i was going to be next year. she also said that the problem with it was the distance which was the reason she didn't want to be with me before.


After christmas break i took a weekend to fly down there again to see her since we both wanted to see eachother again. It was a little awkward cause the whole time i wanted to ask her to be with me. I finally did about a couple days before i was to leave. She told me "i think we should wait" In response i said " i can't do that, being friends until next fall would really hurt me because im suppressing feelings for you the whole time." she said "well i can't be with you now because it hurts too much to be alone when you aren't here" I told her "well there are three options, two of which we both can't do, the third: we end it now and never talk to eachother again. But we both don't want that"

The next day i woke up and talked to her again about it and this time she said "I think we shouldn't talk anymore, i need to move on." i asked her "so you are going to remove me from facebook, delete my number?" and she said yes of course, then i asked "what about if im here next year, can we be together" and she said "no, i think that's a bad idea, i can't do this anymore, i need to move on" She drove me to the airport the next day where we didn't say anything together for a good 2 hours. When she dropped me off, we hugged and i told her "i guess i won't see you again" and she just walked back to her car mumbling something. I got back to college pretty upset but having gone through this before i was more optimistic and was looking forward to trying to move on.


I spent about two months with a counselor who's helped me talk about it and my transfer. I also hung out with friends, watched movies, sports, concentrated on my studies. All of which have dulled the pain throughout the day. The nights are what kill me though. I spend probably about 15-30 mins a night thinking about her. I also am on spring break now. Being back home has really opened the pain up for me. Not being near friends and not having anything to really do is causing problems of trying to dull the pain. It honestly feels just as bad as when she first broke up with me. I also still plan to transfer and her college is still very much at the top of my list. I wonder now if i feel like this at home, what will it be like if im there the next year? I see my counselor again the week i get back but right now i feel terrible and not sure what to do. also, out of respect for her wishes, i haven't spoken to her since and still won't because i know that she will just say that she won't talk to me.

I don't know how to handle my situation. I might be young but i still am looking for that right person for me.I feel like i found a person that i would absolutely spend a lifetime with though thats being maybe a little 'naive'. I know there are plenty of people out there, but she is a great person that i don't want to lose. and i want to be happy!

That was the short version of what happened. Going back 5 years is a lot to cover so i tried the best to make this brief. What i am looking for is some advice on what the implications are if i go to the same school, if its normal to feel like this after just 2 months, and what the next steps might be.

--------------------------

Brought to you by Lipp Alternative Format Editing Inc.

[Lipp]

Anyways, as an actual response to your issue, if the college is pretty large (and if you won't study in the same batch as her) then the likelihood of you two having an awkward run-in is unlikely (unless you actively try to find her, which makes it...Stalker-ish), it's pretty normal for you to be feeling this way, in a way it can be painful to not end a relationship/friendship on bad terms, because it usually makes it easier to let go and skip any hopes of recovery, and her reasons for not continuing your thing seem pretty valid (say, not causing any further anguish before meeting up, making sure that you both are "free" as college can be quite a new experience with tons of new people, making sure that you won't transfer just for her, breaking it off before you become too serious and whatnot).

If you're still transferring, and its for reasons other than her (no excuses, make sure you're not fooling yourself) you can still go ahead with it, but as you already mentioned keeping yourself busy is the best way to keep your mind off it, so try to find a hobby or any kind of activity over the holiday and if you go to the same place, don't try to find her, and if you guys happen to meet and/or she initiates contact and wants to stay in touch, then you can give it another shot, but wait for her consent.