I was too naive, and it came back to haunt me
I loved this girl. We knew eachother for 5 years, and became good friends since 2 years ago. We texted eachother every week-end and even when I was on vacation far away, we still managed to keep contact almost daily. I've never been good with my feelings, and she was the first person that really connected to me and made me give up my fake emotions. So, as time went on and we got to know eachother better, my feelings for her also grew along. However, I've never thought I'd one day tell her that I loved her, because she was pretty, very (maybe even too) kind, smart and athletic, while I wasn't anybody special.
So, a year past, and we are now in our final year of highschool. During christmas, I finally got enough courage to tell her I loved her on text when she was on vacation and, although I never expected anything else but a ''no''( she had already told me that she liked other guys), she said that she didnt know if she liked me back and that we can do something and see if it works out. It made me very happy, and for a moment I felt like I was on top of the world. Looking back at it, she was probably just too kind to say no, even though it would've hurt me less.
I've tried to make things work after that night. She agreed to go on a ''date'' with me someday, but I always felt she did it because we were friends and didn't want to hurt me. However, it became obvious after a while that the feelings were one-sided. I tried to act confident, but eventually my insecurities were too much to bear.
I've also asked some of our mutual friends their opinion, and they admitted that they didn't think I had a chance. I always knew it too, but I was too naive to admit it. I felt bad. It was like finally waking up from a sweet,long dream only to realise that I didn't have anything I dreamt of. I felt that I had done so much, waited so long, endured so much and all these efforts went to waste. I only have myself to blame. I aimed too high, and I felt too hard.
The truth has finally hit me, and it hurts..