*btw, i am not rareporkchop, am using a friend's account
Sorry people, my English sucks too Anyway a year ago, my bf got into a partnership deal to start off a new company (a local automotive magazine) and everything was great until lately.. I caught him the other day, he was text-flirting with one of the models who was featured on February issue. I didn't mean to invade his privacy, I was just randomly checking my old messages to him (I know I sound like a psycho, sorry) as he used to keep all the funny ones. So okay, I forgave him after few days of "silent treatment" but he did genuinely apologize, beg and all that. however, that incident literally CHANGED everything I feel for him.
Me and him have been together for almost 3 years; and now that he's venturing into this industry, his lifestyles have changed. he needs to go out to drink, parties, etc. you see, all these were NOT exactly my biggest concern at that time, but they did affect our re/ship a little. I wasn't a jealousy/possessive type of person but lately, I just don't know why we've gotten into so many pointless arguments about women, women, and women! He would make remarks about a hot girl, or to say some "nasty" exclamations about them. For instance, he said once, "wow, check out that girl's spidey legs! imagine if I were to lick them, hmmm gonna take a while to reach there!" and then he merely laughed it off. that night, I expressed my feelings - I was hurt because of that remark, he said I was being too sensitive. so maybe.
I'm 24 and still studying, while my bf is BUSY with his new lifestyle and he gets to meet lots of new models. sometimes I feel that there's a big gap between us now; I don't know..maybe I think too much, maybe I was being too comfortable in our previous lifestyles..we used to spend a lot of time at home, mountain hiking, picnic, movies at home, cook together etc. but now.. it seems like we're a bit distant away. He'd even hang out with the girls, he claimed they're just friends. It's not that I disallow him to hang out with girls, but knowing these models.. sigh. they wear whorish clothes, aren't afraid to bare their assets to the camera and they're pretty aggressive (in a way that, knowing my bf is UNAVAILABLE, they'll still flirt with him). I don't even dare to flip through the magazine!
Now and then, he'd only tell me about cars, cars, cars and some stupid rumors about the models. I acted like I was interested.
Last week, he told me he wanted to marry me after my graduation (on August) and I just don't know what to do. I smiled at him but I didn't say anything. Do I want to spend my whole life with this man? Should I trust him again?
From time to time, I wish that I have the guts to move out from this country and to chase after my dreams at somewhere else. that was my initial plan, but because of him.. I promised to stay here and to just get a normal job. I may be selfish, at this point.. I want to escape from all these worries and constant anxieties. I'm a girl, no matter how fit or how beautiful I am, I will always have insecurities - let alone marrying him. But what if I make this mistake? what if he's the one? I can't just tell him, like, "can you quit this job for me? i am so insecure"
I did try to voice out my fears to him, but as usual, he gets really sweet and tells me stuff like he won't leave me, it's his job to entertain the girls, clients etc. it's his LIFE now. but what about mine? I am so..lost.
Thanks for reading guys. I have no one else to turn to.