Help Me Please! Boyfriends Ex

[somethingcorp]

I really need some advice so I would really appreciate any comments. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. We have been doing a LDR, and I see him about every two weeks. He asked me to officially be his gf in June of last year which means we have "officially" been together for 11 months. I felt that things were good and I believed we were exclusive. He asked me if I had ever cheated and I said no and so did he when I asked him. He said he would never do that to someone. I found out today that he slept with his ex gf less than a year ago, although I do not know the exact month I believe it was while we were dating. I had no idea that they had even talked recently because he said that they hadn't. They had been broken up for almost two years at the beginning of mine and his relationship. He said she treated him horrible and didn't want anything to do with her really.

Well in June, when we were officially together, she would send him messages and it really began to annoy me. I would ask him about it calmly and let him know it bothered me that they were talking. He and I both knew that she was jealous that he had found someone else and was trying to get him back. He said he wouldn't tell her to stop talking to him which really upset me because it made me feel as though my feelings didn't matter to him. He wouldn't say anything to her that would stop her from talking to him. She finally backed off a little bit and nothing was heard of her for a few months though.

He told me one day that he was going to hangout with her and a few friends at a bar one night. And the fact that he told me made me feel okay about the situation. Come to find out, I visit him a few weeks later and try to log into my myspace account on his computer. I don't know if you guys know but when someone has been logged in the last name on will show up like.. "Hey, so and so". Well it was her name. I asked him why she was on his computer and he told me that they had all come over to his house and it was nothing. I had a hard time with this and he tried to apologize and do what he could to make me happy. I finally forgave him. I found out that he had gone to dinner with her and her sister and one of his friends one night. She had come over because he was unsure of what he wanted (me or her). He said that nothing happened whatsoever and that he had made up his mind. He wanted me. That was about all that was heard of her for several months.

In January she began sending more messages and then stopped again because he said he didn't want to ruin things between me and him. Well in the last couple of days (im going to be honest here) I looked at his email without him knowing..and she has been saying that she misses the old times and tries to get him to remember things from the past. He responded saying that he didn't want to mess up what he has with me, but if he wasn't seeing someone he still couldn't do the LDR thing with her. This has me assuming that he would still consider getting back with her if she moved back to his town. She responded to his message saying that she was planning on moving back into town (his town), and thought it would be the perfect time for her to makeup for everything. This is also how I found out that he slept with her less than a year ago. This is incredibly hard for me because we will still be in a LDR when she decides to move back and also because I have a feeling he has slept with her before while we were dating. The reason I will not be around then is because I am in school and will be taking some summer classes.

I cannot say anything to him about this for the fact that I was looking through his emails without him knowing. Things with me and him are going pretty good except for the fact that I can't find it in me to trust him with her now. I have no problem with any other girl at all. I just want her to leave him alone, but she is so persistent. What can I do? I can't tell him that I read his emails. What should I do? Do you think he still wants to be with her? I would trust him completely if he would tell her to stop talking to him, she is giving me too many problems and I am tired of worrying over her. Please help me!

[Gigabitch]

LDRs don't work without complete trust. If you don't trust him, you should get out of this relationship. You're going to drive yourself crazy wondering what's going on.

[IndiReloaded]

I just want her to leave him alone, but she is so persistent. What can I do? I can't tell him that I read his emails. What should I do? Do you think he still wants to be with her? I would trust him completely if he would tell her to stop talking to him, she is giving me too many problems and I am tired of worrying over her. Please help me!

The problem isn't with her, its with him.

If you tell him his contact w/her (who is obviously into him) bothers you & he does nothing to make you feel better, then its a problem.

Either you need to just trust him, or he needs to clearly choose you over her.

There is no such thing as 'just friends' b/t guys & gals. Esp if he's slept with her/dated her before.

Have you asked yourself what kind of guy would string a girl along like he is doing to her? He hung out w/her. Went to dinner w/her. And he's ignoring your feelings about it? You don't actually believe its only one-way on her part, do you?

No offense, but your BF sucks.

[Kromat]

He sees friends with benefits his option to keep in touch with her. I doubt it was only one time that he has slept with her before.
He seems like quite a liar, and focuses on what is best for him, so he swaps u with the ex.
Get out, or find out the truth, if this is going to work, let him prove that he is trusting.

P.S. Be strong, and stand up for what is right, If u still feel uncertain about where the relationship is going, just avoid the heartache and leave on your own terms.

[vashti]

Why do you want to keep a guy around that breeds insecurity? You better figure this out, because after you two split up, you will likely end up with the same sort of guy unless you repair yourself.

[Kromat]

I hate all these cheating assholes getting into relationships.
I feel sorry for the girls that have to put up with their shit, they always think that the bad boy persona is very appealing, until it bites them up the ass like ( arrested, rape, drugged, or even getting killed ).
Too many nice guys out there like me are being avoided, because chivalry doesn't exist, it's all about your arsenal and How u use it.

P.S. Hopefully when i find that special someone, she'll be with me for what i offer her with my feelings, give her an enjoyable experience, and be truthful about any doubts.
You shouldn't get into one until your ready, and not because you need one from what people are saying.

[Petit Papillon]

Nice advertisment Matt
Personally I hate them too,but unfortunately they are all around,and they wear masks of nice and honest guys. That's why people don't accept words,we need proofs,proofs,prooooooooofs! Have a nice morning,day or even evening I just woke up ..

[veinteuno]

though i don't think that everyone needs to abide by this, for me, i think that if i'm gonna be in a relationship with someone, i need to limit/reduce/eliminate time talking with exes/people i used to sleep with/etc. sometimes this means that i don't talk to people that i consider myself to be genuine friends with but, i think it should be done out of respect for the other person, and the relationship. i know too many people (myself included) who can't deny that they would sleep with someone again, that they are "just friends" with now. (to clarify what i'm saying since when proofing it sounds confusing: since getting involved with my current gf, i have reduced my contact with my friend tammy to almost nothing. we are genuinely friends but, i know if we were both single, we would probably sleep together again).

[holaluna213]

this guy is horrible. i do not think i could trust someone like this.

[Hellfire]

You can't continue the way you were knowing what you know now. Though it's awful to have to admit to your boyfriend that you did read his e-mails, to lie about it is another wrong thing. Sins breed sins.

I did a similar thing myself reading though my bf's chat history and discovering his unfaithfulness. I confronted him with the information and he fought tooth and nail to keep me, which is the only reason why I'm still here. Even though you have breeched his trust, you did so with sound reason. If he's not willing to fight for you, he's not worth holding on to.