I feel so broken and really could use some advice and opinions please..

[JollyRancher65]

I feel like I need some sense knocked into my head about my relationship with my bf. This may be a little long but I'll try to shorten the details as much as I can.... thanks in advance, for reading.

We've been together almost a year on April 10th.

He cheated on me with his ex who he broke up with, in March of last year. But he's never admitted to the cheating. I feel like he may still be in love with his ex but I can't be too sure about that.

We moved in together with each other in June of Last year. I love him so much and have put so much into our relationship that I don't know why we can't work out. I try everyday for us to make things work out. All of the cheating, came out on New Years Eve. He has a birthday in Late January, even after all of the problems we've had, I wanted to make sure he had a great birthday evening. I bought him a few shirts for his birthday, took him to a movie, then wanted to take him out to eat for dinner, then drinks later. He said he wasn't hungry, proceeds to drive to the strip club.... I told him that I didn't want to see him touching all on the dancers. So we argued, he got mad blamed me for "ruining everything" and drove us home. At home, he accused me "trying to change him" when all i was asking for was respect in our relationship. The problem is, he took me to a strip club once before and he was rubbing all on the dancers thighs as she danced in front of him while I was there. I felt so disrespected. And after all that planning for his birthday when he did nothing for my birthday, I felt so upset. For my birthday, he and I, one of his sons, and my 2 daughters and sister all went out to eat. I had to pay. I don't know if I am being ridiculous about that but I felt that since it was my birthday, I would hope he would take me contribute.

The worst part about all of this is how he treated me a weekend I was at a jewelry show. MY show was over at 6pm. Then we were supposed to go out to celebrate our 5 month anniversary. He tells me he was at a birthday party and didn't get home til after 10:30 pm. Little did I know, he took his ex to that party. Then the following day, he goes and takes her furniture shopping, buys her a couch and dining room table. And while I was offering up the money I made from the show, he tells me he didn't need it but only to ask me days later for $1000 because he needed it by noon. I told him that Ididn't have it and spent it on the bills. He got mad at me and told me he was going to ask that ex for the money.

I question my reasonings for staying and his reasonings for being with me. Early on in the relationship, actually when I was moving in with him....we share bought rental property in a town nearby, I thought he and I were going to split the down payment to the property. When I mentioned that to him, he dumps for it. He told me that he wanted someone that would "contribute".

Someone please help me. I want to believe everyday that he loves me and is not with me for his own benefit. I do love him and need to know if you all feel like he loves me. Please help me

[Hooo!]

What do you love about your man?

[JollyRancher65]

Well I love that he's a good father. He seemed to have values in the family dynamic. He wanted me to move in and start a relationship and build a future with me. He shows affection.

[Hooo!]

Well I love that he's a good father. -granted
He seemed to have values in the family dynamic. <-- i do not understand what you mean by this
He wanted me to move in <-- and then he buys his ex expensive furniture
and start a relationship and <-- ****s around with his ex
build a future with me. <-- i do not see what future exactly you are building together?
He shows affection. <-- interesting. In what way does he show affection to you?

[Hooo!]

so. what do you want?

[JollyRancher65]

I want him to be a boyfriend to me. Show to me that I am worth it to him. I do love him. I don't see my long posting. Were you able to read that?

[Hooo!]

Well, for me it seems the wrong decision.
But if you want that: then tell him you want it.
Go do something about it.
sit down and talk about what you need to do so that he can show you that you are worth to him
also make him understand what it is you need.

good luck.

[lovemenot]

First of all he obviously doesn't respect you. And that is one of the most important things in a good relationship I think. And it's not something you can just ask from a person and he gives it to you. Respect has to be built just like trust. And honestly he doesn't seem to be interested in building it.
Secondly he is clearly still not over his ex. And it is impossible to built new relationship if you aren't over your ex yet. And it doesn't even look like he is trying to get over her. Buying her furniture and taking her to parties...
And lastly he cheated on you. In my book of relationship rules that is inexcusable. I would certainly advise you to leave him. I know this is not what you wanna hear, but I guess if you came to this forum you have these doubts already. He really doesn't even seem to be interested in being there for you and trying to be better person for you ad the disrespectful behavior and not being over his ex and then the cheating on top...I couldn't stress this more LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. You are clearly unhappy with him, and I know that when you love someone truly it's difficult to see the wider picture, but your relationship just doesn't seem healthy at all to be honest. Good luck to you! I hope you will make the right decision.

[JollyRancher65]

Thank you all for your responses and reading my thread.


Sadly, I agree with you.

Something that within my conversation to the ex.... she told me that once she confronted him about our relationship, he told her that the our relationship ( his and mine) wasn't what it seems.... She said she was confused by that and didn't know what he meant by that. I'll be honest, I'm confused about it too. He also told her that he's going through the motions which leads me to believe he's not happy with me.

[lovemenot]

I think you really just need to sit down with him and have a serious honest and open talk about how you both feel and what you both want and need. Don't hesitate to tell him about your wants and needs openly and ask him to tell you the truth. say that you are unhappy with how things are going and maybe say that you feel like he is not happy with you too. Ask if he sees any future with you and if he is willing to work on your relationship or maybe he just doesn't see the need for it and wants to quit...Really have this conversation with him, cuz we here don't know all the details and can only guess Good luck!

[JollyRancher65]

I also want to add that I have talked to him about things but he just shrugs it off and feels like we should move on and if I can't move on then I need to leave.


I guess a part of me feels like he can't still be in love with the ex because he would simply just dump me and try to go back to her. THen another part of me feels like he IS still very much so affected by her in some ways. I know that tattoos are a way of expression and body art. He has quite a bit of tattoos on his body... no big deal. However, back in April ( the same month we became official), He got a tattoo with the word "DAMAGED" on his arm. This was right after they broke up in March. But he started seeing me. I thought it was odd at first that he would placed that on his arm... out of all the words to place on your body, why that one?

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you lovemenot.

I will have to try and talk to him again. I hate feeling like this

[lovemenot]

I am sorry if this will be difficult to hear, but it seems like when he broke up with the ex, he got his heart totally broken (that tattoo..) and then he started seeing you way too soon.
It's not healthy to just jump from one relationship to the next so quickly (trust me I am in the very same situation myself right now..).
And he still hasn't healed and is still attached to his ex, maybe it's not love but still he clearly isn't over her...
And seems like he's not even interested in trying in this new relationship with you and that your relationship is just like some safety net for him, just so that he isn't totally alone.
Talk to him and take serious actions, because now the relationship is neither here nor there and is only causing you harm.. Hang in there and good luck!

[Hooo!]

stick to it in the conversation
dont let him shrug it of

tell him that if he cant talk about the relationship then how he is expecting it to change
if he is not expecting it to change then tell him you are expecting it
have that discussion
have it constructively but have it really and deep.
no excuses.