Need some jealousy advice??

[djn002]

Alright, so my fiance and one of her co-workers used to be f-buddies. Its taken me a while to get over the fact that they see each other and interact everyday. Im ok with that, and its getting better and to a point where im starting to not care. But i cant stand when she talks about him, or what he did or said, or when she mentions his name. She brings him up almost everyday, but its always in context of work. They work directly together, and need each other to perform their job well. And rarely does she bring him up outside of work context, IE past stories and such. I just dont wanna be in the wrong because they do work together closely, and when i ask her about her day, hes her direct partner at work, so its inevitable that she talks about him. I still hate it tho. And because they work together so closely, i also dont want her to feel like she needs to curb what she says. But, at the same time, is it wrong of me to ask that she not talk about him, even tho they are direct co-workers?. If its wrong of me to feel this way, well too bad, i do. My question is, would it be alright if i asked her to not bring him up or mention him? And if so, how should i approach it? And if its not a good idea, why not?

[Caleb]

You should defiantly talk to her about it. Though I would advice you that when you break it down for her, you should go about it intelligently. Play it smart. Don`t make it end up seeming like a trust issue. You don`t want to take a step inside the wasp`s nest. Tell her that even though you do trust her with this ex F-buddy (i`m sorry, "co-worker"), hearing about him on a daily basis makes you feel somewhat uncomfortable. She should be able to understand that because it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. Think about it this way, its either that or waiting until it comes to the point where it explodes in your face. And I believe me it can. Though if you ask me, she should have been a bit more understanding about this whole subject. I mean, yeah, just because she is working with him it doesn't mean that she he f***king him, but who the hell would want to hear all about his fiance`s F-buddies? I don`t know man, to me this is some crazy shit. I hope I helped in some way.

[lastwish]

I think they are doing a good job drawing the lines. From what you wrote, I would think she is bringing him up more because he is so close to you so maybe she thought you would be more concern about things regarding him than other coworkers? I don't think you should worry about this. Let us know if anything else fishy progresses.

[KellBell]

Also, I'm sure that you have not been reacting negatively for so long when he is mentioned, she sees that it's 'okay' to bring him up in conversation. I agree that the best thing to do is to talk to her and go about it intelligently so as to not fuel the flame of possible past jealousy issues on the matter. Just a thought.

[Gigabitch]

It's perfectly understandable that you should find this upsetting. I think it's weird that she can deal so casually with this, like nothing ever happened.

[styla786]

first of all you should to understand the reason of jealously and then you should try to overcome it.you should think positive than the problem will be solve.

[BoredButterfly]

It's perfectly understandable that you should find this upsetting. I think it's weird that she can deal so casually with this, like nothing ever happened.

Some people are like that though. My boyfriend still goes over and stays the night at his friend's house sometimes. The problem I have with that? His friend's sister used to be his girlfriend. So, from my perspective, he's staying the night at his ex-girlfriend's place. He says I'm an overly jealous person and shouldn't be worried, but I think EVERYONE worries when the person they love is dealing with ex's. It's not a matter of being suspicious. It's a matter of wanting to protect what's important to you. Ask yourself what's more important though, her being able to speak freely to you about her day, even if you have to hear about the dreaded ex-effing buddy, or not having to hear about him at all? She will have to guard her words a little more around you. I wish you the best of luck. It's a nasty situation to be in. Here's to hoping he gets transferred far, far away!

[twerto]

I love how this is something that's going to bother you for the rest of your life, and you're pretending it's not an issue with the woman you love. Man up and tell her it's a problem for you for them to be working together, because we both know it is. That's not stupid jealousy. I'm sure you trust her, but the situation bothers you because you don't trust him. You know that she is putting herself in a situation where there's a danger that he could try something. You know you're putting yourself in a situation where if you have a fight with her, she might go talk to the guy she used to have sex with about it. Not good.

If you can say "this is not alright with me" and she really loves you, she'll find a new job. Your lives together should be more important than whatever she is doing now.

[lovefool87]

Tough nut to crack, this one. I know that when someone tells me to not mention another person, it's like my subconscious always ends up mentioning them. Instead of trying to shut it down, why don't you try listening when she talks about him. Laugh at jokes and make it comfortable for her. Eventually she will see that she mentions him a lot and cut back on it herself.

This happened to me when my parents divorced. All I could talk about around my stepmom was my own mom. It wasn't to upset her, it was just that I lived with my mom and we were very close so it was hard to mention my day-to-day without her coming up. Eventually I realized what I was doing and put myself in check. Because trust me, my stepmom DID NOT want to hear about my mom all the time!