Any thoughts on this?

[Katty]

I've been dating this guy for almost a year now. From the beginning, he told me that he fears commitment. He also said that he was in love once.
I think the world of this guy. I love him to death - seriously. I always tell him what a great person he is, how much I like him, how smart he is, how I love holding him, etc. I make him food all the time. Any time he mentions that he wants something, I go and buy it and surprise him with it. Whatever he wants to do, I'm there for him. I just want to make him happy.
He tells me I'm sexy and pretty all the time. We cuddle every day, we have sex at least once a day (sometimes 4 times in one day), and he never turns away from a kiss or a sexual gesture.
The problem is, I feel like I'm in love with him already. I mean, he's absolutely perfect and very easy to fall in love with. However, I don't feel like he feels the same way.
I really want him to feel the same way. I always ask him how he feels about me. He says that he likes me, but he's not in love with me, and probably never will be. He also said that he wants to be with me for a long time, but not forever. What does this mean? I don't understand - how long is a long time? Even more, if I'm not the ideal person for him, then why would he waste such a "long time" on me?
I know I'm not mentioning all the details of our relationship, but from a guy's view, does anyone have any thoughts on this?
Also, I know this sounds weird, but what can I do to change his mind? I feel very hurt by what he said to me. I also feel kind of jealous because he was in love before, but it's not likely that he will ever be in love with me.
Just fyi, he's 18 and I'm 24. I know - there's a big age difference here. We're both fit, attractive, educated, etc.
I think that's all I have to say. I really need some advice.

[Mathias]

Aegis knows his ****ing stuff.

Listen to him. Seriously. (I've done the same thing before)

[Ellynn]

Your like his suger mama, and who wouldn't stick around for that? But, at least he's being honest about how he feels.

You cannot buy things or do things to make someone love you. It either happens or it doesn't.

It sounds to me like you are setting yourself up to be hurt by hoping and waiting he will feel the same towards you one day.

Trust me, I've been there.

[Gigabitch]

He's an eighteen year old kid, for God's sake. You want him to be able to give you a future? I'd be suspicious of any guy his age who knew what he wanted for dinner in three hours, let alone who he wanted to be with forever.

You're being completely unreasonable.

[Junket]

He's an eighteen year old kid, for God's sake. You want him to be able to give you a future? I'd be suspicious of any guy his age who knew what he wanted for dinner in three hours, let alone who he wanted to be with forever.

You're being completely unreasonable.

I want fettuccine alfredo with steamed broccoli and carrots topped with a light sprinkling of black pepper served with a side of garlic bread and a glass of milk.

[Gigabitch]

People in Hell want water.

[Katty]

Thank you for your replies. Especially the first one. I actually feel a lot better now. I believe everything that has been said, however this guy really isn't your typical 18 year old. The way he looks, acts, or presents himself got me thinking he was older than me when I met him. I was shocked to find out his age, but I tried to look past that

[Gigabitch]

Thank you for your replies. Especially the first one. I actually feel a lot better now. I believe everything that has been said, however this guy really isn't your typical 18 year old. The way he looks, acts, or presents himself got me thinking he was older than me when I met him. I was shocked to find out his age, but I tried to look past that

That was Aegis. Keep in mind that he has had a string of non-relationships and really knows what's going on in the mind of a guy who isn't going to be there next year.

Now everybody go back and read his post before he deletes it.

[CAM]

Yes, he's a "different" eighteen year old. Okay....maybe, but the odds are against it.

I teach eighteen year olds...I've taught literally a two or three thousand of them...haven't met the eighteen year old male student yet who is "different." Ever.

Whether he realizes it or not, you are either his mommy or his piece of stuff. I don't say that to me mean--really, I don't

I think being a "traditionalist" as a woman is your choice (neither good nor bad) and giving your man what he wants as a domestic woman...very nice. But, in a dating situation...you are just being his slave and deep down he knows it and doesn't respect it. Make him earn it by being your own person until he shows real commitment to you.

Are you afraid of being alone? Is that why you put up with this?

A story: I knew very attractive blonde woman who dated my hall director in undergrad. She did everything for her boyfriend, the hall director. Years later, I got a job at my undergrad school and ate breakfast a particular restaurant near campus. the waitress looked very familar. After about a year, I realized who she was and asked her if Mike (her hall director boyfriend) had married her. She said, no but that they were STILL dating (at that point for nearly 12 years). She preceded to make all kinds of excuses for his lack of commitment...he was troubled, he was busy, blah, blah, blah. In the end, I thought, "And you have wasted your youth on him."

[misombra]

You might have been describing me, but for the fit, attractive, & educated part. Otherwise, this is exactly how I've acted toward a couple girls in the past. I’ll answer these questions as though I were him:

What does it mean when he says he likes you but probably will never love you?
It means he enjoys being with you, but he’s certain another girl will come along that he will want to be with more than you. It means that he's not planning a future with you. A long time is a couple of years or until he finds someone that might fit the bill.

Why waste a "long" time on you?
He isn't, per se...he's happy with you & enjoys your company, but at the same time he's on the lookout for a girl he can see in his future. He isn't "cheating" on you and he won't...he's an honest-type straightforward guy, as evidenced by what he's already told you, but he is looking for your replacement. He knows he won't be with you when he's 30, but he's also sure that he's not going to find a wife in the next couple of years, so he has you.

How can you change his mind?
I don't think you can change his mind. One of the girls I was with tried this with every manner of good-intentioned act, but I realized what she was doing and so it did nothing but cause her more trouble than she should have been going through. I even told her this on numerous occasions, but she turned a deaf ear and proceeded as if she didn't know. I felt bad at times, but I'd told her specifically, don't do things for me; we aren't long-term. If the love-blind fool can’t see, even after such explicit statements, there’s nothing I can do.

My advice to you: Realize what type of relationship you’re in…a temporary one. It will end by him at some point, if you don’t pre-empt him. However, there’s no reason to fly-off half-cocked & terminate the relationship. Just be aware that this isn’t your guy. You should be looking for someone else, but while you’re doing that, enjoy what you’ve got going with him. If either one of you do find someone else, obviously a break-up is in order. Tell him this…just as he’s told you. Don’t do it in a fit of rage or tears; tell him as a simple statement of fact…just as he’d told you. There’s no love or marriage here; there’s just two people enjoying each other’s company.

aeg, you're pretty cool.

isn't going after the replacement kinda like cheating?

you know it's funny you say this cause i have a theory that it's eventually the guy that ends up getting burnt. example: i once dated this guy where it was just temporary i guess lol. well when i found someone who could be a replacement he was very angry. another example: i once dated this guy who was probably not as up front as you claim to have been. well nowadays he's trying to hook up with my (uninterested) friends.

i don't know, ever get burned doing that shit aeg? matt?

[misombra]

wow. so because you can't get girls that you really want you use other (back up, auxillary) girls and then feel good when they get rid of you? i thought you said you weren't a complete jerk..

but anyways, you didn't answer my question. what happens when you find that other girl that you really want to be with, that's not cheating or conspiring to cheat (which is almost as painful)...? i'm just wondering how a guy would come to the conclusion that he is "honest and straightforward" after doing this. you might tell the other person, "you and me are temporary" but you know that people (especially females) secretly want more, and maybe don't tell you because they're afraid you'll leave them. you know this, man. as i'm also sure you know that these girls have low self-esteem and you're taking advantage. why you gotta act dumb?

[misombra]

aeg don't even start pm'ing me thinking i'm gonna be your auxillary/back up girl. lol jk.

well i'd like to make my intentions clear to you aeg, i want you to be my pool boy.

[Junket]

aeg don't even start pm'ing me thinking i'm gonna be your auxillary/back up girl. lol jk.

well i'd like to make my intentions clear to you aeg, i want you to be my pool boy.

Would you mind if I just used your pool?

[misombra]

go ahead. just don't pee in it, i wouldn't want to create more work for aeg.

[Katty]

Are you afraid of being alone? Is that why you put up with this?

Well, I am afraid of being alone, but I'm not desperate.
There are currently two other guys who have a major crush on me, and they're both very attractive. However, I really really like the guy I'm with. You'd have to put me in a Saw III torture device in order for me to break up with him. I don't want to lose him.