I need some major help...

[drakefan92]

So, 3 months ago I started to like this guy. He's sooo amazing, you don't understand. He had just gotten out of a relationship like 2 months ago. And one night on FB he told me he has always wanted to kiss me. He confessed that he liked me and I did the same. But, he wasn't ready to get back in a relationship yet since he had just broke up with his girlfriend.

He told me that he wanted to get to know me better before we jumped into a relationship. So, i waited and waited. We hung out some. Then finally, on the 12 he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wasss sooooo happy!

Now, as of yesterday he told me "we act like we a just friends when we hang out." I was shocked because we don't really act like friends together. He said "Our conversations and the way we act when we hang out" are more like what friends would do...so i'm sooo lost.

Sooo he kind of wants to break up, but I don't want to at alll! It would hurt way too much. It would break my heart even more now. I cried all last night. I just feel sooo connected to him.

So, what do I do? I don't want to lose him at all and go back to square one again. I like him a lot and I kind of thing that the problem in the relationshihp is me... I want to be with him... Help?

[Chupacabras]

Did he actually say he wanted to break up? Do you do physical things together?

[drakefan92]

Well, he said that we should hold off on the relationship. We hold hands and we have kissed once...

[firewired]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you are having these troubles. It's really hard to say what is the problem.

Do you feel that you are relaxed when you guys are together? Are you being yourself?

To me it seems a little strange to say that your conversations are more of just friends. In my opinion, that's how they should be! A relationship is built on a foundation of friendship and then turns into more. I've had some of the best conversations with my girlfriends that I couldn't even talk to my other friends about because I knew that she wouldn't judge me. I was relaxed enough around her and felt that she was a close enough friend as well as someone who is more than a friend and that is a great feeling!

A common thing to see at a wedding is also "Today I marry my best friend."

I'm wondering if it is still too soon for him to be in a relationship...? Maybe he is scared of the commitment this soon, or still has some emotional issues to get over from his last relationship.

Maybe asking him to expand on his comments would be good, or maybe you should just give him some space and some time to think...even though I know how hard that is when this means so much to you.

Sometimes it helps me to write a letter to that person...even if you don't give it to him and it is just for yourself. If you write a letter and get some of those feelings out of you (even if you keep the letter) it really helps.

Good luck! I know things will turn out wonderfully for you no matter what you choose.

- firewired

[drakefan92]

It really depends on where him and I are in order for me to be myself. It's weird, when I'm in a more comfortable place I'm totally myself, but then when were somewhere else that's odd to me I'm kind of quiet. I think that is the problem.

So I want to keep going with the relationship. Yet he doesn't want to because it might ruin our friendship?!!??! Do you think we should try to keep going with the relationship and maybe be more...intimate or something?

[firewired]

Being more intimate before you are ready for that will only make things more difficult. If you do that, and then he doesn't change his mind then it will make it 100 times harder for you to let go. Plus, that doesn't send a very good message, and I don't think it would make you feel very good either.

It kind of sounds like he is making an excuse about it ruining your friendship. The tough part now is that when you are with him you are worrying about if you are relaxed or not...or if you are really being yourself. I have been in this situation before too and it's not a good one. The best thing you can do is to just relax about it...and I know it's super hard, but if you can find a way to be ok with letting him go, he may just want to be with you even more.

[drakefan92]

Sigh, I was afraid of having to let him go. I don't think it can hurt any worse than it already does though.

Thanks Everyone.

[drakefan92]

Wait, I am ready to be a little more intimate. Its just that I was afraid to get too intimate/clingy with him for fear of what he might do...

I'm sure I'll be able to calm down it awkward places. I just gotta tell myself to chill out. Do you think that would work?

[firewired]

You may be ready but it sounds like he may not be. I just wouldn't want it to get too intimate for the wrong reasons.

If you can chill out when you're with him and just be yourself I think that would be step 1 and you can see what happens from there. You could maybe try not talking to him as much and giving him a little space and let him talk to you first and see how that goes too.

I hate playing the little games in a relationship....like who's going to talk to who first etc. To me that is a sign that something needs fixing. So hopefully things will relax and find there way to a comfortable place for you guys where you don't have to think about everything so much and just let it happen.

[drakefan92]

He's pretty touchy feely. He hugs up on me allll the time. Touches me. Puts his arm around me (even before we were dating). He holds my hand. He kissed me first. He holds me. He does everything that couples do. Then there is me. I do grab his hand. and hug him, but that's about it...
I really think i'm the problem...

[NeoSeminole]

"we act like we a just friends when we hang out" is guy speak for "I want to fool around but you don't."

[drakefan92]

Really Neoseminole? Dang. I thought that's kinda what he was leaning towards.

"If you can chill out when you're with him and just be yourself I think that would be step 1 and you can see what happens from there. You could maybe try not talking to him as much and giving him a little space and let him talk to you first and see how that goes too." - - - So what ur saying is...we should just go back to being friends? And then from there we just hang out a lot and then maybe, just maybe, we could try again?

He, like a hour ago, told me that its not what we do or don't do, the relationship doesn't feel right.

He also said, i'm not the problem at all and that he doens't think we are good for eachother in a relationship.

[Avata]

So, 3 months ago I started to like this guy. He's sooo amazing, you don't understand. He had just gotten out of a relationship like 2 months ago. And one night on FB he told me he has always wanted to kiss me. He confessed that he liked me and I did the same. But, he wasn't ready to get back in a relationship yet since he had just broke up with his girlfriend.

He told me that he wanted to get to know me better before we jumped into a relationship. So, i waited and waited. We hung out some. Then finally, on the 12 he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wasss sooooo happy!

Now, as of yesterday he told me "we act like we a just friends when we hang out." I was shocked because we don't really act like friends together. He said "Our conversations and the way we act when we hang out" are more like what friends would do...so i'm sooo lost.

Sooo he kind of wants to break up, but I don't want to at alll! It would hurt way too much. It would break my heart even more now. I cried all last night. I just feel sooo connected to him.

So, what do I do? I don't want to lose him at all and go back to square one again. I like him a lot and I kind of thing that the problem in the relationshihp is me... I want to be with him... Help?

Hi, i know it been sometime you posted this issue and that other people have given you some advice but i cannot start reading them now but from your first post, i can say one two things.

You should realise tow things....

You see, in any relationship, its always good to have an atom friendship in it where you can actually talk to your partner, so i don't think this should be a problem

Traditionally, females wait for the guys to n'ttake the initative, but if you have noticed most guys wouldn't mind the females steping up once in a while,

So i think you should let him know how you feel and suggest the tow of you have a heart to heart talk and explore each others feelings

Wishing you the best, bY the way HAPPY NEWYEAR