I don't want a this relationship, but girlfriend is too dependent.

[Benedikt]

Hey everyone! Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this and drop me some advice; it is much appreciated. I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.

The short of it is, I've decided that I no longer want to be in the relationship I'm currently in. I've been living with my girlfriend for about a year now, we've been dating for almost a year and a half. Things moved much more quickly than I wanted them to, because of the situation she was in. It started as me just giving her a ride to school (college) everyday, then turned into me spending a few nights a week there so I didn't have to make the commute back and forth so often, then eventually I just never left. So it just stayed like that, and now we have a new place under both our names, and officially live together.

I won't go into detail right now about why I want to break up with her, unless anyone is curious and really wants to know; I just need some advice on how to break up with her. She doesn't have a job (hence the reason why I suddenly lived with her and was paying all the bills), and she moved here from Wisconsin. She's been having trouble making friends since she moved here, so she literally has nobody else but me, and she has since dropped out of college. It's gotten to the point where she is just so clingy and dependent on me that I have to ask her permission to let me leave (several days in advance, mind you) to hang out with my best friend of over 10 years. And then I get the "you don't spend enough time with me" shitstorm when I get back.

So really, I've just come to the conclusion that this relationship is too much work for me. I think she really really loves me, and has given me the "you better never leave me" lecture, and I know that if I break up with her she'll be crushed. How do I end it?

[devonbrown]

You tell her that you have enjoyed your time with her but you feel like it is time to break up and both of you find new adventures elsewhere.
No matter how you coat it, she is going to be hurt. Unless she wants to break up with you too, she will be hurt. Unfortunately there is no way around it, so you just have to accept it and make it clean.

Good luck.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah just put it gently but BE HONEST.. also make sure you want to break up before you do it... having second thoughts and changing your mind is real bad.

[Benedikt]

Ugh. But where is she gonna go? That's the biggest thing stopping me right now. I'm not trying to be all emo or anything here, but I feel like I'm throwing her out on the street.

DarkHelmet, I'm 110% I want to do it. I don't think I want a relationship at all.

[Saya]

I'm sure there is other reason why you want to leave her, but...
Do you still love her or you don't love her anymore?

What if she get a job and gives you more space etc?

[pisces25]

Ugh. But where is she gonna go? That's the biggest thing stopping me right now. I'm not trying to be all emo or anything here, but I feel like I'm throwing her out on the street.

Not wanting to sound heartless here and I know you are a caring guy which is why you are struggling with this but where she goes has nothing to do with you. Maybe it is what she needs to get a kick up the butt and stop depending on you and controlling your life. When you break it to her tell her you care deeply about her and understand her situation re having nowhere to go and offer to assist her with finding something. She will have to stand on her own two feet and that means getting a job, finding a flatshare, making friends etc. Staying with someone just because they have nowhere else to go is not fair on either of you. You are just delaying the inevitable and in the meantime resentment will build and things will just get worse. It is going to be a shitfight breaking up and she will be crushed but what is your alternative?

[bloodtippedrose]

That is a lopsided relationship. She should feel guilty about sponging off you. My boyfriend has been supporting me for half a year while I'm in college and I am incredibly appreciative and plan on getting a job asap to pick up my own slack when I graduate in June. Before he supported me I would drive him to school everyday and share my car.

If he up and left me I would have to temporary move into my parents house who lives a few hours away, and possibly have to drop out of school to pick back up later. Its always good to have a plan B. Don't you think she has thought about what to do encase your relationship fails?

You're a standup guy for helping your gf out financially and committing to living with her, and even thinking of how she'll manage when you're gone, but the fact is that you are not married to her so she is not your responsibility. Giving her a heads up is very noble of you and is more than you need to do. It helps her in the big picture as well to be more self-reliant so she doesn't fall flat on her face by mooching off someone else.

What I would do if I were you is tell her straightforward that the relationship isn't working for you and you will be moving out on this specific date (a few weeks.) This will give her plenty of time to figure out a plan. If she spends a week of it in denial and crying and trying to get back with you then remind her she is wasting time to figure out what she will do.
If you feel REALLY guilty then maybe you can leave her with enough for one months rent or buy her a plane ticket to Wisconsin. She has no friends, no job and no schooling so there should be no problem booting her back to her mums.

[Boisdevie]

However you do it she will be hurt. BUT if the relationship isn't working for you then you should end it asap. Of course it's not easy - I was with my ex for 8 years - do you imagine it was easy to end things? No, of course not.