i know that you guys are probably going to rip me a new one. and i understand that. i just really feel like i need to talk to someone. even if they are just going to say bad things. i know im a horrible person.

in June... i started cheating on my husband. I started out my using dating websites and advertising that i was just wanting a FRIEND when benefits. I have a very high sex drive, and my husband works a lot. I was just planning on having a nearby friend with benefits or two and keeping it a secret.

on one of the dating websites i met a man. we were suppose to be friends with benefits, but it was more like LOVE at first sight. we actually dont even have sex. We do snuggle, and talk a lot. and we both love each other. he is aware of my husband.

Well, my new guy friend wanted a change of scenery and was wanting to move. He lived an hour away from me and it made it hard to see each other. well, i found him an apartment about 15 minutes from me. It is great because i can be near him... but i realize that what i am doing might cause me to get caught with my husband.

believe it or not (i am sure you will not) i love my husband. and he has been head over heels for me since day one. he is a wonderful man and i am very very lucky to have him around.
but i also love this other guy.

i am actually going to try to juggle the two... and have two homes.
i feel like this is not fair to my husband because he is unaware, and would be very hurt if he knew. but the other guy is aware and is fine with the situation.
i am also fine with this situation.

If i tell my husband he will be hurt... badly. i think he would cut his wrists...
he would definitely want me to leave. but i have no where to go... and my mother lives with us while she is trying to get on disability, so she would have to come with me too. and i would have to find a place that allows dogs. and i only have a part time job....
I dont want to tell my husband because i dont want to hurt him. he is a sensitive emotional guy and i do actually love him.
leaving him sounds unreal.

i am posting this because.....
well, i have no idea.
i guess i want someone to tell me that they understand. or tell me i should leave, and im a horrible person...
i am just wanting some feed back please.

yes, im ready for the flamming i will endure.