something like a movie

[mmzambrano]

I fell in love with an amazing guy a year ago. We are still together but things have changed....
My mother isnt too fond of him and this has caused me to feel mixed emotions towards the relationships future. My mother is they type of woman whom has endured hardship and believes her children deserve the best. The best in this case is not my boyfriend. His mother died at a young age and he was left with his father and older brothers. Theres quite an age difference with the two brothers therefore communication is very little between them. His father worked hard to make ends meet until his death just last year while my boyfriend was in the middle of college. After his fathers death he was forced to leave school and work to support himself. As a young teen he made a few bad choices and dug himself into debt....and we all know this is one of the worst mistakes one can make. Now a year later he is working very hard to correct the wrongs he has made. To sum it up, he isnt the wealthiest of men at the moment. He managed to get his Associates in Business Management but this doesnt seem like enough. We struggle together everyday to somehow make things work. He currently works day and night hoping soon he can find a company whom will take a chance on him without a bachelors degree.
Very early in our relationship we had strong feelings for each other...so much as to knowing we belonged together. Uncoditional love is there, understanding is there, chemistry is all there....
Until I think of my mother. Everyone that has met my boyfriend has complimented us and have been able to see the love we have for each other, except my mother...
This has come to bother me so much that I've thought of breaking it off with him. The thought weighs down on my head more and more each day. I've become short tempered, easily bothered and snappy. Its as though the thought of him not being good enough for me has take over my mind and my emotions. Now, our difference get to me, I look for things to start arguements and with each arguement I bring up a break up between us. He's been strong so far and gives me my space when I need and is supportive of me. He's always pushing for us and reminds me that he does the best that he can. His love for me has kept us going.
I feel terrible for what I do. I'm torn.....I do not know what to do.
Do I listen to my mother for I know she always wants the best for me, or should I be brave and keep rowing the boat that my love and I have created. The situation has reached a critical state and I am caught in the middle.....please if anyone has any advice I would appreciate your thoughts.
mz

[Jimmy1218]

**** the parents. You're old enough to be responsible for your choices, she has no right to tell you to do anything.

[vashti]

You have only been dating a year. Why do you need to decide NOW whether or not to keep him? Your mother may be right, and in time you will know for sure. Don't move in with him or marry him until he gets his shit together. Let him pay off his debt all by himself. Love is only one component of a healthy, adult relationship. Responsibility is equally important. Some people never DO get it together, and you don't want to be having to continually pick up the pieces for him for all eternity.

If I were you, I would set a REASONABLE deadline for waiting around for whatever it is you need to materialize. I don't know how much debt he has or how hard he works to get rid of it, but you be the judge. Does he spend his money frivolously, or is he ultra-responsible? Is he extremely focused on paying it off? Does he have a reasonable plan for doing so? He may never be able to get the kind of job he wants without formal education, but is he advancing in the job that pays the bills? Does he take pride in being responsible?

This will tell you a lot about his values. If you find over time they don't match yours, then move on.

BTW - I think it is really a good thing that you consider your mother's advice so carefully. She has invested a lot in you, and I am sure only wants what is in your best interest. Unless she is psycho, it is entirely possible she sees some characteristics in your boyfriend you are unable to see because of your love for him.

[Jimmy1218]

Well said...and whats with the sub name? "Lloyd is a dirty old man"

[vashti]

He was an old regular... One of my all-time favorites. Way before your time, though.