What is it like to be married?

[Inexadra]

My perceptions:

When you get engaged, everyone you know congratulates you and celebrates with you. You immediately elevate in social status. You get to have a party and then you get to have a bridal shower and a bachelor/ette party. Then you get to have a wedding, followed by a honeymoon. Then, for the rest of your lives, you get to have an anniversary.

But that's not all. When you're married, you get tax breaks and you don't have to pay singles supplements when you travel. You get generous social security benefits as a married person, as well as an easier time qualifying for a mortgage. This is not to mention that when you're married, you're more likely to get promoted at work.

Beyond all the material benefits though, is the love and the respect. When you're married, society has a much higher respect for you. Most importantly, though, is that no matter what difficulties life throws at you (and when you have the financial security of marriage, those difficulties are significantly less), you know you'll always have someone there to love and love you in return, and that someone will always see you through the difficulties, fighting them with you.


What do you think? Wouldn't you agree? What is it like to be married?

As a singleton, who has none of the above, what can I celebrate?

[pcmaster]

I think being married creates the bond and I would marry a girl I love if that helps keep her in my life. But being single still gives freedom and you can yet to choose that special person.

[basilandthyme]

I have been married (and subsequently divorced) and now live defacto with my partner of 20+ years. So, having done both, I think your view of the benefits of marriage are erroneous.

*I didn't experience an increase in social status when I got married....nor do I feel that I lack it now that I'm simply defacto.
*All those parties you talk about....engagement, wedding, bridal showers etc....they are part of the reason I chose not to marry second time around. They are just parties and have no meaning.
*Damned if I can ever remember an anniversary.
*As defactos we get the same financial benefits as a married couple. (I realise this won't apply to all)
*Not sure how being married helps qualify for a mortgage...my partner would probably qualify more easily without having the other three of us to support!
*The thing about always having someone there to love and support you if you marry....have you not heard of divorce? Marriage is no guarantee that a person will be with you forever.
*Are people really more likely to get promoted at work if they're married? Can you cite evidence for this? I would have thought that the best person for the job is the one who is most promoted.
*Society does not have more respect for a person who is married. We all know married people who are complete assholes and undeserving of any respect. And we all know some amazing single people. Respect comes from behaving in a manner which earns respect...not from simply having a ring on a finger.

None if this is to say that one shouldn't marry. Marriage can be great. But you're giving it far more credence than it deserves.

[michelle23]

Sometimes marriage just equals divorce. If your getting married then make sure its to the right person. Thats all I will say

[smackie9]

Never did it, I find all that crap just costs money and could be put to better use. I have been with my common law husband for over 24 years with no problems. The Canadian government still recongnizes you as being married so you still get the same benefits as if you were married.....in other words they can still take half your shit when you separate.

[chinagirl]

I think that your view of marriage is very superficial. You really never know what you are getting into until you are in there. Like anything else, marriage is a work in progress. Love and financial security will not guarantee that you will remain married to your spouse for the rest of your life. There are people who love each other and yet get divorce. The key is to be respectful, supportive and appreciative of your spouse whether you agree on certain things or not. Communicate with respect.

Things will even change drastically once you have kids. There will be unexpected things/situations, life might throw you a curve ball and may not know how to deal with it (e.g What do you do if your spouse lost her job and you have a mortgage plus kids to support? What about if someone gets sick? How do you handle hospital bills that will pile up? Plus the stress of taking care of someone who is sick? Plus many other problems that you would not anticipate. You learn as you go)

Couples sometimes grow apart after years of being married. There are a lot of facets in marriage that you need to dig into because the stuff you mentioned is just barely scratching the surface of a married life.

Hope this helps...

Just look at Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin from Coldplay, they are worth $140,000,000 each and they claim to still love each other, and yet they chose to live separately.

[dem862]

The problem with marriage is that you have to give up sex.

[mollymari]

^^^^ so sad yet often, too true. and I say boo hoo to that.

[cosquin]

The benefits you speak will be in your country. Not all live in the United States. The situation in countries that are undeveloped like this where I live does not provide any benefit to married people.

[HeartIsAching]

My perceptions:

When you get engaged, everyone you know congratulates you and celebrates with you. You immediately elevate in social status. You get to have a party and then you get to have a bridal shower and a bachelor/ette party. Then you get to have a wedding, followed by a honeymoon. Then, for the rest of your lives, you get to have an anniversary.

But that's not all. When you're married, you get tax breaks and you don't have to pay singles supplements when you travel. You get generous social security benefits as a married person, as well as an easier time qualifying for a mortgage. This is not to mention that when you're married, you're more likely to get promoted at work.

Beyond all the material benefits though, is the love and the respect. When you're married, society has a much higher respect for you. Most importantly, though, is that no matter what difficulties life throws at you (and when you have the financial security of marriage, those difficulties are significantly less), you know you'll always have someone there to love and love you in return, and that someone will always see you through the difficulties, fighting them with you.


What do you think? Wouldn't you agree? What is it like to be married?

As a singleton, who has none of the above, what can I celebrate?

Well... you've really only touched on the basics of it.

For me it means that I wake up next to my best friend. She's the one I can trust utterly, which is key as there are a lot of people out there that think that it's quite alright to hit on married people. Single women often think that they've found a guy that's not afraid of commitment, though the obvious contradiction there seems to escape them. Single men sometimes see a motherly figure or perhaps that her husband smiles a lot and thinks "she keeps him happy".

Frankly, what I really get out of it is that I get to spend time every day with my favorite person in the world.

- - - Updated - - -

The problem with marriage is that you have to give up sex.

Not always.

[michelle23]

Marriage doesnt ruin sex. Being a crappy spouse does. Im living with bf 3years (practically married) and sex gets better and better

[IndiReloaded]

Beyond all the material benefits though, is the love and the respect.

This is the right idea, but your interpretation is wrong. It is love and respect. For each other, not others, is what matters if you want a marriage that lasts.

The rest is social convention. Not trivial, but not the core of what is important for the relationship.

Hence, the truth is simpler than you think but also more profound. Hope this helps.