Hi! New and need advise

[riley]

Hello,

I just signed up here to find some people to be able to talk to about my relationship problems. I don't have any family and friends I think aren't able to be objective about my issues with men. So here I am.

My name is Riley, I'm 34, female, divorced, have kids and long distance "something". Not sure you can call it dating. It's a long story, which of course, I'll get into.

My real question as of now, is how much do past relationships effect our relationships now. I'm feeling a bit confused and hurt with my guy (for lack of a better term). He is divorced as well and obviously our exes are a part of both of our lives, as we share kids with them. I have no problem with him talking about his ex wife. At all. I've spoken to her. I'm not threatened by her or jealous. He has had one girlfriend since his divorce, and then me. He had originally told me a little about his last relationship. They were together about eight months, she broke up with him saying he couldn't give her what she needed emotionally.He never mentions her or anything. Never told me her name.(Yes I snooped and know it all) Seemed like it wasn't a big deal. So now we have been seeing each other for a year. Long distance but we fly out and make visits. We have never said those three words to each other, but we are very close. Our kids are close. Neither of us see other people.First person in the morning and last person at night to talk to.For both of us.
Somehow it came out in a conversation that he had told the last girlfriend he loved her, and I was floored. I really thought that we were closer than he and his ex had been. When he realized that I was a bit put off, he started saying things like since the last two times he ever told a woman he loved her she ended up hating him, it makes him gun shy. But now I'm really thinking that maybe I thought more of what we have than he does and maybe I should walk away.I was fine with not having said it to each other, until I realized that he had said it to her.
Any advise or thoughts?
Riley

[sherylinfenn]

Dear Riley, I Am not an expert but if someone loves you they will say it ( regardless of them being hurt in the past or not). I mean - we all have been - everybody over the age of 15 has been broken hearted.. that did not stop any of us to say I love you. My question to you is - why is it so important to you that he says that?? Sure its nice but if he proves you that he does why are you so insecure?? I have a man who tells me he loves me every time we speak on the phone but in the same time I have the feeling he is happiest when I am not around so he can do his thing and I pay all the bills. I have been away for 10 days now and he called me twice ( once being to share his dad was diagnosed with cancer spreads so it does not count).
My thoughts in a nut shell - evaluate the relationship and see if it makes you happy and gives you what you need and want. If it does dont insist on him being perfect and saying he loves you. Keep in mind thought that if he did love you he would have said it by now...I realise i dont help much but its never black or white. Best of luck!!!

Sherylin

[grayluv]

is nice reading your post here and also would not want to just jump in , into your feelings ,but would want to seek your attention by winning your mind with joy you need and rest in life is very much important in love and pacient hope when we get to know each other we can exist in love and then start from somewhere.Because all you need right now is them is the man who can care for you and ready to be there for you as you have promise in your note that love is rest and caring .

Am JUSTIN GRAY we can get to know more by you sending me mail to my personal box @ [email]gray0109@yahoo.com[/email] ,or if you dont mind send me your contact will do it by all means to reach you and contact you at the world at large .

JUSTIN