Can a single man be a good friend to a married woman?

[survivor08]

It has been a while since I last was on here. Single life is good, I have been taking Salsa lessons for a few months and this is where this story starts. A couple of weeks ago I met a young woman during class, and from day 1 we really hit it off. We have good conversation, share smiles, have some similar interests etc. etc. This woman (late 20s) has been married for 10 years (first mistake, got married too soon) and wants to try out new activities (hence salsa lessons) and make new friends. She is a good woman who just wants to make new friends. I have no problem being a friend to her. I also understand clearly the risks involved in being more than a friend to a married woman. If there was no chemistry between us, I would say this would be a non issue, but there is. However, I am mature about things and know that I can also keep that in check.

What say others, anybody here has had or has a successful friendship with an attached, married friend? A Platonic relationship?

[IndiReloaded]

Its possible, but IMO only if you are friends with BOTH the husband and wife. Even then, you need to be careful to maintain boundaries.

This woman (late 20s) has been married for 10 years (first mistake, got married too soon)

This^ kind of comment means you already have boundary problems. Who told you this? Her? Bad, bad news if so.

If there was no chemistry between us, I would say this would be a non issue, but there is. However, I am mature about things and know that I can also keep that in check.

When a M-F get along well enough to be good friends, there is always chemistry. I have never known otherwise. So no, you won't be able to keep this platonic. Especially if you two are going out and dancing, etc. Sorry not to tell you want you want to hear, but its the truth. You are better backing things off to the civil, acquaintance level. You probably won't be able to though, from the sound of things you are already hooked on this married gal. Good luck.

[Gigabitch]

This is a BAD idea, survivor. Don't pursue a friendship with someone you find even remotely attractive.

[IncognitoSir]

Yeah, clearly she's "looking" for something different. I could only imagine why a wife would go take salsa lessons without her husband and with the goal of "meeting new people". This is the beginning of bad news, save yourself a lot of trouble and bad karma bro. Get out why you can.

[girl68]

Salsa dancing is very, very sketchy in this case. You're interest is peaked accompanied by fairly sexual dancing. I'd say you're screwed. Back away.

[RdHrshyKss]

When a M-F get along well enough to be good friends, there is always chemistry. I have never known otherwise.

not true. i have two male friends that are literally just my friends. they are practically like brothers to me. i have never had any type of sexual thought about them whatsoever, no chemistry. maybe my situation is a rare case, but it can exist.

This is a BAD idea, survivor. Don't pursue a friendship with someone you find even remotely attractive.

i agree with giga to a certain extent. if you are already having those feelings of attraction towards her, you won't be able to develop a safe friendship with her, those feelings will always be there and will interfere. you can be friendly towards her in class, but that should be the extent of it. even if she were to introduce you to her husband and he became trustworthy of you two, that would probably make the situation even worse.

[girl68]

not true. i have two male friends that are literally just my friends. they are practically like brothers to me. i have never had any type of sexual thought about them whatsoever, no chemistry. maybe my situation is a rare case, but it can exist.

Chemistry is chemistry it doesn't have to be sexual thoughts. Chemistry is simply getting along naturally.

[VincenzoG91]

Friends with benefits, maybe. It sounds like she should be considering marriage counseling or divorce instead of salsa dancing with you.

[Endlessagony]

I don't think it's a good idea because things will most likely escalate even if you tell yourself something else.

[RdHrshyKss]

Chemistry is chemistry it doesn't have to be sexual thoughts. Chemistry is simply getting along naturally.

i was interpreting the OP and Indi's comments as referring to sexual chemistry...that if a woman and male get along, that there is going to be some kind of sexual chemistry. if i was wrong in my assumptions, please disregard. just wanted to point out that it IS possible for a man and a woman to be friends without there being any sexual, romantic, or "more than friend" feelings between them.

but it's my personal opinion that since the OP is already having doubts about the possibility of them being "just friends", that it is highly unlikely that it can happen. he should probably just remain friendly with her for the sake of being nice in class and that's it.

[girl68]

^ I see...

Well the very minute one of you is physically attracted I think being plantonic friends strictly is way out the door.

[IndiReloaded]

not true. i have two male friends that are literally just my friends. they are practically like brothers to me. i have never had any type of sexual thought about them whatsoever, no chemistry. maybe my situation is a rare case, but it can exist.

No, you aren't special. The feelings can go either way. Its usually the guys dig the girls in the early stages. They just aren't saying or you don't want to see it, or both. Unless you are ugly, then its possible but usually the guys aren't that interested in friendship then.

Well the very minute one of you is physically attracted I think being plantonic friends strictly is way out the door.

This^.

[RdHrshyKss]

Well the very minute one of you is physically attracted I think being plantonic friends strictly is way out the door.

i agree to a certain extent, but there is a possibility that someone can get over those feelings, right?

Its usually the guys dig the girls in the early stages. They just aren't saying or you don't want to see it, or both. Unless you are ugly, then its possible but usually the guys aren't that interested in friendship then.

so in the case of my two guy friends...i've been friends with them since high school. one of them is married, and i'm pretty sure the other one is going to get married to his gf eventually. are you saying that there was a possibility that they were attracted to me back in high school when we became friends and i just didn't realize it? they were more interested in trying to get in my pants back then? if that's the case, how did they continue to be friends with me all these years? and i'm definitely not ugly haha...so that's not it . i'm just having a hard time grasping that kind of ideology, i really don't want to find out that my view of my relationships with them was wrong all these years. the thought of sex or physical attraction or any of that kind of stuff never came to my mind back then, i literally looked at them as family almost. *idea for new thread*

the OP should do nothing more than just have a good time in class. should definitely not hang out with this woman outside of the class and should keep the sexual aspect of the dance at a complete minimum...no excessive movement of the hands near her booty, and no extra long dips!

[IndiReloaded]

so in the case of my two guy friends...i've been friends with them since high school. one of them is married, and i'm pretty sure the other one is going to get married to his gf eventually. are you saying that there was a possibility that they were attracted to me back in high school when we became friends and i just didn't realize it? they were more interested in trying to get in my pants back then? if that's the case, how did they continue to be friends with me all these years? and i'm definitely not ugly haha...so that's not it . i'm just having a hard time grasping that kind of ideology, i really don't want to find out that my view of my relationships with them was wrong all these years. the thought of sex or physical attraction or any of that kind of stuff never came to my mind back then, i literally looked at them as family almost. *idea for new thread*

Depends what you mean by 'friends'. Are you are in regular communication with these guys? Are you emotionally unloading on them, and do they take the time to listen? B/c thats what the OP of this thread is probably meaning by 'good friends'.

I'm NOT meaning guys you've known for a long time and only occasionally see each other b/c you happen to move in the same social circle. I'm talking about guys who know your phone number and aren't afraid to call you up to chat or go out. If THAT and the above is the type of 'friendship' you have with these guys then, yes, its not 'just friends'. Guys just don't make that amount of effort for someone who isn't a possible sex partner. Sorry to shatter your world.

[survivor08]

I have no doubts that I can be just friends. I know I can be. I think backing off and staying civil is the way to go. And unless we are out together with a group of people, there should be little problem why she can't hang out and join us. BELIEVE ME, she won't be the only married woman who shows up for class without her husband/significant other. And even though we are talking Salsa dancing, which is a sexy style of dancing (reputation) it is really an ELEGANT dancing style. I say this because it is not a big deal to dance with someone's significant other in social dancing circles, and it is widely accepted.

i was interpreting the OP and Indi's comments as referring to sexual chemistry...that if a woman and male get along, that there is going to be some kind of sexual chemistry. if i was wrong in my assumptions, please disregard. just wanted to point out that it IS possible for a man and a woman to be friends without there being any sexual, romantic, or "more than friend" feelings between them.

but it's my personal opinion that since the OP is already having doubts about the possibility of them being "just friends", that it is highly unlikely that it can happen. he should probably just remain friendly with her for the sake of being nice in class and that's it.