Approaching girls??

[djbox06]

Hey everybody, this is my first post. I'm a 20 year old guy, almost 21! I've always been shy and have always had pretty low confidence in myself, mostly about girls. I usually have a pretty healthy outlook on myself and my future, but when it comes to trying to talk to girls, its the complete opposite. A lot of self defeating thoughts go through my head, I'm not tall enough, not good enough, etc. It's to the point that I even questioned my own sexuality! I've been in love with girls before, had sex before, the whole 9 yards, but that initial approach is crippling to me, and the lack of confidence starts to affect other parts of my life too. I was wondering if any guys ever had feelings like this or if any girls could give me advice on how they like to be approached and stuff?

[BoredGeorge]

Well, I have thoughts like that because I am ugly and no one would ever want to date me.

I think you should focus on your looks and how you dress. You should go to the gym and lose weight if you need also dress very neatly and try to wear the latest clothes. If you are 21 and don't already have a career study something like accounting because women are very shallow and will see that as the potential for you to make a lot of money in the future.

That is my advice to you.

Also don't take shit from bitches and don't have feelings for them until they put out. Women are pieces of meat until proven otherwise.

[djbox06]

I'm a pretty handsome guy, and I know it! I'm also studying engineering, I have about a year and a half left. I work too part time (where I flirt with all my female coworkers funny enough), and I think I'm a decent person, but for some reason all these positive thoughts go out the window when I think about going up and talking to that pretty girl working at the movies, that pretty girl walking to class, walking through the store that looked at me. All the time lol.

[NeoSeminole]

if only you knew how worthless most girls are. Then you would have no problems approaching them and saying whatever the f*ck is on your mind.

[soulsurvivor23]

I like to go with:

1. Hey baby, my hearts on a string so it's easily accessible for you to play with until you get bored.

2. I'll buy you shit

Both of these usually work.

[Jovanny]

What the hell is up with these responses? Honestly and realistically, those responses won't help this guy.

Anyways back to the topic. You seem like a guy who just seems to be suffering from lack of confidence. Dressing differentlty and having money won't boost it. I used to be that same way and I am far from ugly, so I see where you're coming from. Here are a couple of things that I suggest you do:

- To build confidence, working out a couple times a work seems to do the job. Not only does it put you in shape, it also makes you feel like you are improving yourself...in other words, making yourself better. By feeling like that, it will boost your confidence.

- Go to the mall and say hi to every girl you see...every single one. Yes, this is a dumb idea and it is akward at first, but it works. I did this and the next day I felt pretty damn good about it.

- Get rejected. Most guys lack confidence because of the fear of getting rejected. Again, go to the mall, movies, or any social area and ask girls for their numbers. Some may reject you and some will give you their number. By the end of the day, the fear of rejection will be nothing but a "Ok, next girl!" type of feeling.

My friend went with me while I did those things and trust me, they were a big confidence builder with the females. If you give these a try, please let me know how it went for you.

[guymcperson]

I guess there is either the point of doing those things, or just developing a "I don't care" strategy. Sadly enough, it works pretty well. Not looking like it, but just say to yourself "You know what, I don't give a **** what happens." and ask away.

[Gribble]

Basically I try to glean a little bit of information about as many different things as I possibly can and then I approach a girl and rely on punditry to appear as though I know what the hell I'm talking about when I notice she's listening to such and such song or skimming a psychology textbook.

Breaks the ice and works for me.

[djbox06]

I appreciate the good advice everybody! I know I sure do fear rejection, but I also fear success at the same time oddly enough. I find that another motivation is the feeling I get when it's friday or saturday night and I don't have a female friend to go out with or anything. I do have a friend that tells me pretty much the same things, like saying hi, working out, and how I'm a good person so I shouldn't be afraid, but I wuss out all the time when I'm on my own. I feel now is a time for change though, I've been like this for too long, and I don't want to way till I'm older and miss out on my college years, and suffer less confidence in the future.

[Kat5]

Remember that feeling anxious about approaching someone is completely normal And it is more than likely everyone else is also feeling the same way about themselves. It's probably worse to go home regretting not approaching someone than not getting the response you'd hoped. Being in a happy relationship means you sometimes have to take risks. It's not easy but it will pay off eventually!

[thrillaveza]

i feel the same way at times. i figure it's all how you present yourself. the way you dress and how you act will play an important role especially at social gatherings. just be nice and friendly to the girls you meet. looks plays a good role, but it isn't everything. your personality powers over good looks and having a good personality will keep the girl interested when you converse. i've seen it amongst my friend, a good looking guy at best; he isn't the best dresser nor has any form of a fashion sense, but he gets girls at parties on the way how he presents himself (personality wise). he has that confidence and lively attitude that gets a lot of girls all over his nuts. i've seen it happen loads of times. trying to learn off of him.

[Azn2Luv]

well if you like someone and they dont like you back. just talk to them and dont be shy. girls hate when their man becomes all shy. they want a guy that leads them. starting the kissing and you holding there hands. soo dont be shy. stay calm and lead the way to that girl. when you get along with that person then asks her to a movie or something. yea thats all.
Azn2Luv~

[Only-virgins]

Also don't take shit from bitches and don't have feelings for them until they put out. Women are pieces of meat until proven otherwise.

Best shit I have heard all day.

[djbox06]

Yea you guys are right. It's about the attitude, the Swag if you will. I'm working on my attitude now, I mean I'm a nice guy but you know how that ol' story goes. I tend to stay in my shell, especially around a lot of girls. There was this one time where I was really nervous but tried to be aloof when I went with my friend to this girls dorm. It was about 5 girls in there and he was messing with one so he just went to visit her, and it was my first time meeting them all. I tried to be friendly but aloof and my friend asked the one he was messing with what she thought about me and she was like he's nice, but is he gay? He didn't seem very interested in the girls... =( needless to say my confidence was broken but it helped me realize that no matter what, it seems that being shy or in a little shell will not do any good, so it's just time to stand on my own 2 and face my fear and go out there. Red or green pill, we live and we learn I guess. I started going to the gym and little by little the little changes I'm making are making me more confident, but there is still a lot I need to learn though!

[Thelovedoctor]

To hell with looks! I know guys who are ugly as ****, and get girls that could pass off as super models, and it's all because the guy never gives up and just goes for it. A true sign of confidence.

If you start having self-doubt and self-defeating thoughts about yourself, basically just say to yourself "to hell with it. I'll go ask and at least show her I am interested. if I get rejected, I'll try again on a later date". As far as I see it, I see the singles circuit as one big advertising pool. If you're all quiet, not saying a word and kinda just sitting in the back, then girls are going to pass you by. but if you're out there, giving one hell of a sales pitch or being very persistant, they'll either say "screw it" and give you a chance to shut you up, or genuinely interested and take you out for a trial run just to see if you work out.

either way, it'll give you a chance for you to show them who you really are and what you are capable of, and maybe you'll find that one in the fewest tries.

remember, you gotta kiss a few frogs to get your princess.