Am I being too sensitive

[AussieGuy37]

Hi all, Australian male here...just joined.

Here's my question... I was married for 10 years...we separated over a year ago and are about to get divorced...that's all fine...it's very amicable...we just grew apart...we wanted different things out of life...I wanted the house and family thing...she wanted to live the party life. In the end she left for a younger man...that's ok...I ended up with the house and our daughter.

About 6 months after we split, I started a relationship with a mutual freind of ours...she'd been through similar with her husband about a year before. Initially I think we both viewed it as two people looking for some fun together. Over time our relationship grew...we now are very much in love and talk about a life together.

She has 2 daughters, I have 1...we are taking it slow and have agreed to wait another year before we move in together.

My problem is this... There is a man (old enough to be her father) that she works with...he's kind of her manager...about 7 years ago, while she was still married he propositioned her, she turned him down, but never told her husband, she didn't want to cause trouble at work. Since then they have become good friends...he has confided in her that he is having an affair on his wife...this puts her in an awkward position when she has to see his wife regularly.

Although they have only ever been friends, he has always made slide suggestive comments...when she and her husband split, he told her that if she wanted no strings attached sex, he'd be her man...she politely refused again...she didn't want to be rude and tell him that she thought of him as a father figure not a lover.

He started to visit her a lot after work hours...as she has told me, she's not stupid, she new why he was visiting...a couple of times he invaded her personal space and she had to ask him to back off.

Now, since her and I have been dating, he's really sulked....he always says stuff to her like..."how's lover boy" referring to me...or complaining that he doesn't get to see her much since I came along.

He still drops in to visit her now and then, but always makes sure it's on nights that he knows I wont be there.

I trust her and love her very much...she has promised me that she would never ever do anything to betray my trust...and she knows that he is just a friend, but also knows in the back of his mind he wants to bed her.

We have no secrets...she tells me everything....because he and his wife live near her, they take care of each others pets while they're away...she recently had a week away to visit her parents and he enjoyed telling everyone that he was taking care of her pussy (cat)...very juvenile for a man that's nearly 60

This is very hard for me to accept...I know there's nothing going on, but it's not a nice feeling knowing that this guy is trying to get into my ladies pants.

Am I being too sensitive??? should I just laugh it off knowing that I'm with her and he's not...or should I expect her to tell him to back off???

Any thoughts???

[TAVS]

I think he's way out of line. I think it's great you trust your woman and I agree 100% you should. I'm sorry but this is a big problem. One of you need to have a serious talk with him and set him straight. I don't care how it effects life at work; his actions are unacceptable. She really needs to file a complaint about him. It seems she is lacking in a bit of self-respect for even putting up with this bullshit.

[AussieGuy37]

Thanks...this guy has an enormous ego.

My main problem is that she does see him only as a friend and says that she thinks he's an egomaniac....I can't understand how she could remain friends with him.... In my life I dont suffer fools...if you're not my kind of people, then I dont have you in my life.

[vashti]

I agree that it is up to HER to handle this guy, but I have to say you are crazy if you think this will be the last guy trying to sleep with your girlfriend. This just happens to be the one she TOLD you about. Men do this kind of thing ALL THE TIME. If you trust her, I wouldn't make too much out of it.

[TAVS]

Exactly; I dont know why she even gives him the time of day.

[derm]

Everyone seems to be very tolerant here specially your girlfriend. I think she should have told him in no uncertain terms long ago to get out of her life.

Unless she is actually enjoying the fact that he want's her and is stringing him along, she should have as little as possible to do with him. Feeding his cat isn't exactly a good idea either.

I hate to say this but are you sure you have the whole story here, every tiny LITTLE detail? There wasn't any flirting on her behalf ever? Any drunken fling at the Christmas party? It just seems strange for a guy to go to such lengths and to be so persistent if he has never been given any footing.

Of course I do not have all the details here and have no idea what this guy is capable of. To be honest he sounds like a creep and every guys nightmare.

I can see why you would be worried and if I were you I would have words with him.

Is this bothering your GF as much as you?..........it should be!

[AussieGuy37]

I think I have the whole story...she is a peace maker and doesn't like confrontation...she's trying to make everybody happy.

in answer to you question about if it bothers her as much...no it doesn't...she actually thinks I'm over-reacting.

[derm]

I think I have the whole story...she is a peace maker and doesn't like confrontation...she's trying to make everybody happy.

in answer to you question about if it bothers her as much...no it doesn't...she actually thinks I'm over-reacting.

Mmmmm.....

Is her job that important to her that she must stay there?

I would go see him and threaten him.

Say something like 'I'm not happy about the all the attention your giving my GF, If you don't back off you might regret it MATEY...I know a little secret about you'............. Leave it really vague

If he is such a ladies man he probably has lots of skeletons in his closet and might have done a few dodgy deals along the line too

He may not know exactly what your talking about but it will get his mind thinking and he will automatically assume you know about his WORST secret

[Gigabitch]

I also have to question why she's not more uncomfortable about this. If he's actually physically invading her personal space, he's taking it WAY past the line. There are ways to deal with this without getting too serious.

I've had to jokingly say to pushy men before, "You're why they make pepper spray" or "Don't make me get out my Taser". It's all in fun, yet the threat is thinly veiled. If it gets to the point where you have to intervene, it becomes a Huge Issue. Don't try to make that happen just because you're pissed off, which you have a right to be- even I'm pissed off about this guy, and I don't even know him.

This is really about her, though, not about you, and I think you need to let her deal with it. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you when he disrespects her that way. Maybe she'll see it your way.

[vashti]

Mmmmm.....

Is her job that important to her that she must stay there?

I would go see him and threaten him.

Say something like 'I'm not happy about the all the attention your giving my GF, If you don't back off you might regret it MATEY...I know a little secret about you'............. Leave it really vague

Haha!

No, don't do that. Your girl needs to handle this herself. This won't be the last time she is hit on. The quicker she learns to handle her own business, the better.

[derm]

I also have to question why she's not more uncomfortable about this. If he's actually physically invading her personal space, he's taking it WAY past the line. There are ways to deal with this without getting too serious.

I've had to jokingly say to pushy men before, "You're why they make pepper spray" or "Don't make me get out my Taser". It's all in fun, yet the threat is thinly veiled. If it gets to the point where you have to intervene, it becomes a Huge Issue. Don't try to make that happen just because you're pissed off, which you have a right to be- even I'm pissed off about this guy, and I don't even know him.

This is really about her, though, not about you, and I think you need to let her deal with it. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you when he disrespects her that way. Maybe she'll see it your way.

I guess you are right the GF should try resolving it first however something tells me this guy isn't going without a struggle!

Reminds me of a similar scenario involving my sisters friend......after months of trying to reason with him she had no choice but get her brothers friends to 'have a word in his ear' so to speak. All stopped as soon as he was discharged from hospital!

[Gigabitch]

The more I think about this situation, the more pissed off I get.

Here's the thing: When I was married, there was a certain type of man who seemed to find my wedding ring an incredible turn-on. Always flirting, taking it too far, I met three or four of these guys during the course of my marriage, and it finally dawned on me (duh!) that it wasn't that they found me so riveting they were looking past the fact that I was married, it was that they were trying to get an affair going.

It had never occured to me that there were guys who wanted to do this- illicit sex with no commitment. (Like I said- duh!)

Maybe your girlfriend should tell him she's decided that he's the one for her, and she'll be moving in next week with the two kids, and she needs a new car, and she thinks he should go on a diet, bla, bla, bla.

That should cool him off.

[derm]

Maybe your girlfriend should tell him she's decided that he's the one for her, and she'll be moving in next week with the two kids, and she needs a new car, and she thinks he should go on a diet, bla, bla, bla.

That should cool him off.

lol.....Guaranteed to work!

It's more the challenge.....with any girl it's a challenge, If she's married it's more so and a great achievement if you do. Also knowing that you've won some others guys gal.

I'm not talking from experience here...gosh no!

Just read it somewhere, ya thats it.......... I read it somewhere

[Gigabitch]

lol.....Guaranteed to work!

It's more the challenge.....with any girl it's a challenge, If she's married it's more so and a great achievement if you do. Also knowing that you've won some others guys gal.

I'm not talking from experience here...gosh no!

Just read it somewhere, ya thats it.......... I read it somewhere

I must say, those guys are the bottom of the barrel. I mean really, what kind of a person does this? It's like stealing. How could they possibly think it's attractive?

One guy dropped his son off to go to the movies with my daughter and me, and then stayed for the movie, and tried to hold my hand. I was shocked and appalled!

[derm]

I must say, those guys are the bottom of the barrel. I mean really, what kind of a person does this? It's like stealing. How could they possibly think it's attractive?

One guy dropped his son off to go to the movies with my daughter and me, and then stayed for the movie, and tried to hold my hand. I was shocked and appalled!

Well if they are somehow they are managing to escape!


Tried to hold your hand!.......WHAT!