I'll never meet the man of my dreams

[Melinda01]

I think that I'm not suitable for that. I never get satisfied with what I've got. I'm so much jealous of everyone that is happy and satisfied and content with their long term partners, they get married and they live happily ever after. This doesn't sound like me

I have tried it many times, have had a number of long relationships. The last one was 6 years. The common process in all of my relationships has had three stages:
First stage: I get madly in love with that person, kind of desperate, can't stop thinking about him, become jealous, start worrying, and crying and stressing about the whole thing.
Second stage: We get to talk over all these things, everything seems to stabilise, we are happy, we are in love with each other, we have the perfect relationship, we'll be together for ever and everything that comes with it.
Third stage: Things have been the same, start feeling the "eating the same food every single day". No more excitment, boring days, boring outgoings, boring supermarket weekends, same and same all over again every single day. Every now and then, I go out with friends, have some fun and being nostalgic about the "old" days. Meet some new interesting people, freshness, something different. Then go back home to the same old same. Can't stand it anymore, I need a change. Can't stand him and the whole situation. I break up. He's hurt.

I'm scared that my dream will never come true. That this will go on and on and on. I have been single for the last two years after 10 years of long relationships without any break, but all those relationships had the same cycle as I describe above. I've had enough of long relationships and I'm having my break now but I'm still open to guys that I think might be mr.perfect. Because I want to be madly in love with him. I don't want him to bore me to death. But I'm scared that even if I get lucky and find this person, then the same thing will happen.

Unfortunately, I'm like that with every other part of my life. Work, apartments, countries, food etc.

Is this going to go away when I get older? Or am I doomed to either not find the man of my dreams, or being forced to live a boring life if I compromise?

[ecojeanne]

you're relying too much on someone ELSE to may you happy. that's never gonna work. you can ONLY rely on yourself to make you happy.

this bullshit about mr and mrs perfect is silly, it's a nice ideal but it's not something to strive for. my advice is start striving for things/knowledge for yourself. don't be so prepared for someone to squeeze into what you think fits. and just remember 50% of marriages end in divorce...what is that stat in actual break up's without marriage?

we are NOT meant to be with and reliant upon one person to make us happy. stop torturing yourself.

and maybe you're on too much caffeine..

[Raze]

Look up shining knight syndrome.

[Yggdrasil]

First stage: I get madly in love with that person, kind of desperate, can't stop thinking about him, become jealous, start worrying, and crying and stressing about the whole thing.

Chemical attraction.

Second stage: We get to talk over all these things, everything seems to stabilise, we are happy, we are in love with each other, we have the perfect relationship, we'll be together for ever and everything that comes with it.

Honeymoon stage.

Third stage: Things have been the same, start feeling the "eating the same food every single day". No more excitment, boring days, boring outgoings, boring supermarket weekends, same and same all over again every single day. Every now and then, I go out with friends, have some fun and being nostalgic about the "old" days. Meet some new interesting people, freshness, something different. Then go back home to the same old same. Can't stand it anymore, I need a change. Can't stand him and the whole situation. I break up.

Taking partner for granted, routine, boredom.


Your problem is that you don't work on your relation to keep it exiting and interesting.

I suggest you start right here: [url]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html[/url]

I think it may be about time for you to start realizing that long term relations are a LOT of HARD WORK from BOTH partners.

[Raze]

And relationships won't heal problems. Problems become magnified.

[Gigabitch]

Melinda, you're not open to finding that guy that will marry you and grow old with you. You're still holding on to a fairy tale. You're getting in your own way.

[NeoSeminole]

hah! You think you have it bad? I want a girl who is nice, smart, attractive, funny, athletic, outgoing, and enjoys sex - basically a female version of me. I feel like anything less would be lowering my standards. As if that isn't already hard to find, she must be okay with me not wanting kids and being atheist. No such girl exist!

[Gigabitch]

Why don't you make a list of all of the things you must have in a man, Melinda (you too, Neo- list your dream girl) in order of importance.

Then you whittle the list down to five things. Try it- it's fun.

[Asip4u]

Lately i've been trying to figure out whether having such high standards is really that important...I mean, all those things Neo and Melinda want, a lot of us are similar like that..but..isn't it more important to be happy? What if you spend pretty much all your life looking and never find it? Can we not be happy being with someone who has let's say most of those qualities?

[Melinda01]

Thanks for all your reponses. I guess that I have too high hopes and I don't know the reality of things.

I am having actually a good time being single, and that's why I don't fall for the first guy that steps in front of me. I'm not getting stressed about not having a boyfriend right now. I have many hobbys and friends, and I meet guys and have fun with them. But...sometimes I get these flashes "what if I never find the man I'm waiting for?" Cause this is what I'm waiting for. I'm turning everyone down with the thought that Iwill be available for the "one". But maybe this one never comes. And even worse, if he comes, then it will be like crap again?

Oh well, I think that Gigabitch's idea is nice, I have allready written a big list of things that a man should have. 30 bullet points. I will try to reduce them.

Oh...and NeoSimonole, I also don't want kids and I'm an atheist. Here in Sweden it's not difficult to find people that are atheists. But this with the kids...it's a difficult one.

[Junket]

You're an atheist, but you believe in "the one"?

Kinda ironic isn't it?

[Melinda01]

No why is it ironic?

[ecojeanne]

lol it IS ironic because it insinuates that we have another half in this world that we need to search for a find to complete us as human beings, that we're going around broken or are unfinished work. thats why its ironic

[Melinda01]

Oh ok. Let me put it this way then.

I do care whether I will stay alone for the rest of my life and therefore I hope that I will find mr.perfect in the future.

On the other hand it doesn't bother me if god exists or not, and if I spend sometime with my thoughts about god existance then I think that god doesn't exist.

But if the god subject would be one of my interests then I would write about it. Instead I write about mr.perfect and his existance. That's what bothers me.

[Raze]

You're an atheist, but you believe in "the one"?

Kinda ironic isn't it?

Haha, that made me laugh. Yeah, that is very ironic. You shouldn't idealize someone as a god. I think that's what he's trying to say in a way. Maybe, I'm wrong.