Is this bullshit?

[lovemuffin]

The guy took me out and paid every time until about the 5th date. Then he started telling me he really has to cut back on his funds as his job will be over soon (he's a contractor). He said he really enjoys just having me over (which usually includes dinner, watching a movie, and spending the night).

But he also mentioned he is having a musical instrument custom-made for a lot of money that should be ready in a few months. Granted, he is a part-time professional musician, but I don't think he NEEDED this new instrument as he loves the old one he has and is worth a lot of money. Maybe he plans to sell the old one, but he's never mentioned it. He does buy most his clothes and belongings at consignment stores so I know he is always trying to be careful with his $....

He does still pay for meals when we do eat out, which isn't very often anymore and he always cooks nice meals for me. I'm just very afraid of being a booty-call.. especially since my last relationship where I found out my ex had been cheating on me almost the whole time.

[bluesummer]

....or maybe he's just testing to see if you're some kind of gold-digger?

I'm not saying you are, but you say he's paid for everything since you've started seeing each other. Maybe it's his way of seeing if you'll dump him on his ass if he stops shellling out. You really SHOULD make more of an effort to pay for stuff, too.

As a contractor, work isn't guaranteed on a consistent basis, so if he tells you he's anticipating the end of a job, it could very well be true. If he chooses to spend part of the last of his hard-earned money on an instrument (that he uses as part of his other profession), I think that's his right. Obviously he feels it's helpful in his career as a musician. I hope you're not bemoaning the fact that he's spending money on this instrument that you THINK he should be spending on you?

[misombra]

....or maybe he's just testing to see if you're some kind of gold-digger?

i'm gonna go ahead and say she's failing.

[doppelgaenger]

Your current date is cheating on you... with a custom made instrument. LOL jeeze.

Is that all you care about? The meals? The money?

[alovehangoverr]

Really?

He's being honest with you and gave you a legitimate reason.. and you're upset he doesn't take you out as often and blaming him getting an expensive guitar? Trying to save money doesn't translate into not treating yourself to things-- especially something to help his other career and bring in money.

Please explain to me how you think you're a booty call if he's still taking you out, makes you dinner, and doesn't let you lift a finger, etc? He sounds like a good guy and you're taking out your ex's douchebaggery out on him.

[SexySam]

hmmm... seems as if he is being up front, honest with you.. he is courteous and considerate of you at all times.. and is even willing to pay for a ticket.

just from your own words, he sounds like a great guy.. soooo, whats the problem again?

[1sxybtch]

seriously???

maybe you need to be considering what you're bringing to the relationship...

[Mish]

I also get a bit apprehensive when women stop paying for my dinners and parking tickets after the fifth date. I don't want to be used for sex, I'm not a piece of meat.

[Illusional]

if you are wondering if you're a sex object or not, it's simple. just stop giving it to him and see how he reacts.

raverboy

[lovemuffin]

I'm not saying you are, but you say he's paid for everything since you've started seeing each other. Maybe it's his way of seeing if you'll dump him on his ass if he stops shellling out. You really SHOULD make more of an effort to pay for stuff, too.

I told him from NIGHT #1 that I wanted to pay. He wouldn't let me.. as in physically forced me to put my wallet away. I have paid for a lot of things since... including a very expensive medicine ($100) he wasn't getting because he said he couldn't afford it (yet he can put aside a lot of $/week to have this new instrument made?). I've also bought him quite a few gifts already (things he needs and just sentimental). He has not bought me anything similar.

If he chooses to spend part of the last of his hard-earned money on an instrument (that he uses as part of his other profession), I think that's his right.

He's being honest with you and gave you a legitimate reason.. and you're upset he doesn't take you out as often and blaming him getting an expensive guitar? Trying to save money doesn't translate into not treating yourself to things-- especially something to help his other career and bring in money.Please explain to me how you think you're a booty call if he's still taking you out, makes you dinner, and doesn't let you lift a finger, etc?

I agree it's his right, but I don't know that the instrument is a necessity as he already has one. This scenario is also similar to one I had with my ex who I found out was spending his supposed "saving $" on someone else.... so it's a bit of a sore subject for me and considering his not buying medicine he desperately needed.

if you are wondering if you're a sex object or not, it's simple. just stop giving it to him and see how he reacts.

Yes... I am wondering if that's all I am to him and may have to just stop staying over for a while.. or being intimate.

[misombra]

sounds like he started out liking you. then you showed him your true colors. now he just wants sex. soon he won't even want that.

[lovemuffin]

sounds like he started out liking you. then you showed him your true colors. now he just wants sex. soon he won't even want that.

What leads you to believe this?

[misombra]

all that stuff you said.

[lovemuffin]

all that stuff you said.

Can you be a little more specific?

[misombra]

i'd have to charge a fee for that.