To move or Not to Move? That is the question. Plz Help!

[sirhc109]

To move or Not to Move? That is the question.

My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for almost three years while we were both completing college. After he graduated he moved to Ontario from his home province of Nova Scotia. He left all his friends and family to be with me.

Now he wants to move to Edmonton for a very well paying job; however, I can't.

My family was broken up after my parents divorced several years ago. My sister has since moved out and across the country and I now have this guilt that I need to stay close to my mother since she is alone. I can still remember the words she said the day my sister moved away: "I don't know what I'd do if you moved away too." I visit her about four times a week since I currently live close to her here in Ontario.

So I'm struggling with this decision whether I should move or not. I know my boyfriend is annoyed by the fact that we are here because I feel I can't leave my mother, and I understand why. He left everything for me, and I can't do the same for him.

I've asked for advice from other, but they don't seem to understand this guilt I have to stay close to my mother. I understand that she is an adult and I am an adult, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel this way about leaving.

I feel as if I'm either betraying my boyfriend or my mother which ever way I go. Please help! Any advice would be most helpful!!!

[carl1222]

I'll give your mother the benefit of the doubt that when she said "I don't know what I'd do if you moved away too" it was just an emotional reaction to your sister leaving and not a manipulation. Either way, it should not affect your decision about your relationship.

Millions of divorced mothers face the prospect of their grown children moving away from home every year. She'll be just fine.

Your boyfriend has already proven his commitment to you and your relationship by leaving family and friends just to be together with you. If this relationship is worth as much to you as it obviously is to him, you must realize that forcing him to give up a great job opportunity just so you can stay close to your mother will become a permanent thorn in the side of your relationship, and will probably kill it in the long run.

If you decide to stay in Ontario, I'd suggest you break up with your boyfriend, move in with your mother and forget about having any kind of romantic relationship at all.

Carl.

[MavViper]

Carl is right, your mother's statement was more of an emotional reaction at the time than a form of manipulation. You need to do what is best for your relationship with your boyfriend. Just because you move away doesn't mean you can't be a form of support for your mom. If she insists you have to stay right next to her then she is being rediculously selfish.

My advice, if you love your boyfriend as much as he loves you, then move with him.

[Gribble]

You're not responsible for your mother. However, I'm not saying go running off to your boyfriend, either. Do you have any idea how shitty your life will be if you move out there, you can't find a decent job, and your boyfriend turns into a total prick? You'll be stuck with him. Don't move unless you can take care of yourself and unless you're absolutely certain this is what you want to do and not what he wants you to do.

[habubbles]

Move with him, you have to start your life sooner or later, 3 years in a long distant relationship, is a long time, and i bet you guys went through hell and water, (speaking from experience). and i'm sure you dont want those 3 years to be for nothin. If you really love him, you would move.

[MisterFlapJack]

Kinda looks like everyone is unanimous on this one. Move in with your boyfriend. He has proved his love for you after a 3 year LDR and then leaving everything for you.