Stuck in the friend zone with the girl of my dreams...

[player123]

Hi....! Ive just felt like I would like to get some advice on my "situation" here so I found this useful forum via Google. I would appreciate any help.
So... yeh .. let me begin... Im 20, student, male.. I have "looks" (I think) but so far Ive never had a girlfriend because ive been a "nice guy" and a bit "shy". So i met this girl like 10 months ago.. and shes the most beautiful girl Ive seen... I think it was love from first sight.. (I saw her in the Uni gym by the way). So I really wanted to meet her. I waited for an opportunity. There was a party in the Uni student halls one day so I saw her there once and "chatted her up" saying that she was the girl from the "gym". So we became acquaintances and every time I saw her in the gym I talked to her. She was a fresher and I was a second year. I met her someday in April to be precise. So I wanted to impress her somehow and ask her out on a date. I wrote her two anonymous "secret admiration" letters and stuck them on the floor where she lived (Uni residences) and I wrote them in reverse with a rose flower attached to each letter. On the second letter I told her that I would reveal myself only if she meet me in that restaurant which I arranged. To make sure that I know that she read my letters I told her to change her Facebook status. So a few day later I found out that she read my letters but she could not meet me in that restaurant because she had work at that time.

BAD Luck I told to myself! Next week the semester was over and we had a 4 month holiday. The whole plan collapsed. She was left wondering who her secret admirer is. I didn’t see her over those 4 months but I did had a few chats over messenger. Throughout the holiday Ive spend EVERY single day thinking about her. I was so in love and I couldn’t wait for the holiday to be over so I could see her. Eventually October came and the new year started. This time I saw her again and we became good friends. I was really suprised. She invited me to salsa classes and we used to go the gym together every week. I got her number and told I would call her for the cinema one day. She said ok. I phoned her but she said she was busy for some reason which i cant remember and the "date" cancelled. So I though it was maybe a coincidence so I waited for like a month and I called her again to check if this time she wants to go to the cinema and watch a film. She said 'ok we'll go! if you arrange everything'. So i did arrange everything but at the day of the "date" I got a text saying that she didn’t feel well today so she wont be able to meet me. So I was left disappointed again said to myself she probably just wants to be friends. We continued being friends and going to the gym and salsa though.

Around December she invited me to her birthday. I bought her a present as well. I NOTICED that i was the only boy she invited EXCEPT some other guy which we both now that is a good friend of her (but i dont think he is a threat because he is one of those guys who 'hangs out with girls'). So I became one of her best friends in the end and I met most of her friends as well. The liked me as well.

Things I forgot to mention are that she used to hug me everytime she saw me, also hit me, make jokes... you know be super friendly. She has a wonderful personality as well. I just love so many things about her, not just her looks.

Today. The thing is its hard to be friends with someone who you have been secretely in love for the past 10 months. And I tried to forget her but it doesn’t work. I stopped going to salsa with her and she stopped going to the gym because she signed for some other hobby. She is in my mind still throughout the whole day still. I don’t know what to do now? I don’t see her much now cause we do different degrees as well so the gym and salsa were the only places I used to see her and make contact.

I want to be something more than friends with her. I tried to do that transition from friend to girlfriend but it doesnt work. So i feel like calling her next week and inviting her to a coffe for a chat where I can tell her everything.... the letters, that Im in love with her, and to ask her whether she feels the same.

Should I do this? Is it the right thing to do? Im scared but I cant live like this... I just want a Yes or No answer. If Yes GOOD! If No, then It will be easier for me to forget her. Have any of you done this? Do you think she will be shocked? IS there a probability that she will fall in love with me as well?
Any advice will be much appreciated! Thank you!

[MavViper]

ok, first things first. Those secret admiration letters probably freaked her out. Telling her you would only reveal herself if she met you at a restaurant where you arranged it? ya i'd bet she was freaked. And the fact she left for the 4 month holiday without finding out made it worse I think.
And she still doesn't know. You're in the friendzone and you wont be able to get out. Actually I think if you tell her everything that will scare her off and she wont want to be friends with you anymore.

Sorry to be blunt, I've gotten 2 hours of sleep after working 17 hours

[player123]

...so i should just leave it the way it is and move on..?

[Mish]

So i feel like calling her next week and inviting her to a coffe for a chat where I can tell her everything.... the letters, that Im in love with her, and to ask her whether she feels the same.

Should I do this? Is it the right thing to do? Im scared but I cant live like this... I just want a Yes or No answer.

I suppose it doesn't hurt to try. But I'm not confident in your chances. She canceled dates on you twice before. That's an indication of disinterest. Try it and hope for the best, but be ready for the worst. If it was me I would give up at the second cancellation.

[UKboy]

anyway,i didn't read everything.
Skimmed through and i saw the "i became her best friend"
Been there done there altho wasn't really "best" friend because just being friend is enough for girls to dismiss you as anything but potential bf material.

What i suppose you could do now is to date casually.i'm doing that.
You don't have to like those girls you're dating.Try 3-4 girls at anytime.It's fine.It's not considered as cheating.
What happens is when you're dating other girls,casually or for a objective purpose and that girl sees it,she'll realise that you are actually bf material because the other girls are actually agreing to go on a date with you.Hang around them more often but please please please NEVER be their "girlfriends".What i meant by that is you don't accomodate to their every whims and drop by their house the next instant the put down their phone telling you about their problems.You're going to end up in the friend's zone once again.
Similarly,as you date those other girls,the same apply.Don't do the "girlfriends" thingy towards that girl whom you like.
You can open the door for the girls or change car tyre but don't be her personal driver nor let her cry on your shoulder.
Be less available and fit her plans into your scedule and not fitting your plans into her schedule.
I used to drop my busy plans for one girl blah blah too thinking exclusivity would bring about her realisation but sorry bud,ain't gonna happen.
But anyway,since you're already half way and probaly wouldn't give up what you're doing now,i suggest you do your very best and if it doesn't works,distant yourself from her and try my advices.

Recently,i dated this girl,took couple of pics with her and signed in to IM with the display pic.Most of my friends asked about my martial status saying if we're a couple.But for certain reason,the girl who was on my IM whom i was interested before didn't asked me.In the past,she would ask about my martial status every now and then and if there's anyone i'm seeing.If she was asking genuinely,then she would congrat me on the date.She didn't.What loads of bs.

[player123]

ok thanks for the advice guys!

[clever_name]

To be honest if she was genuinely interested in being more than friends she would have tried to reschedule the date.

Don't tell her you wrote the letters she will probably be freaked out and then you will lose her as a friend also.

[player123]

i see ok... thank you for the advice!

[Gigabitch]

Just out of curiosity, wouldn't the "girl of your dreams" actually want you back?

[player123]

Just out of curiosity, wouldn't the "girl of your dreams" actually want you back?

.. i know.. if she did it would be perfect...

[MisterFlapJack]

I don't think you should tell her you love her. Tell her you really like her.

[IndiReloaded]

Less is more. My husband used to leave flowers for me on my dorm room door anonymously. But would wait a while b/t them and leave me to wonder.

Trick is to try to get her interest peaked but not overdo it. A letter like you mention can freak out a girl. And roses are probably over the top at this point.

My advice would be to wait a couple weeks and try again, but with less intensity, not more. A 'confession' of your undying love would definitely be 'more' and will kill any chance you might still have.

[mike2mick]

very very good