How do I talk to my girlfriend about my fantasy? I feel like it is kinda weird

[clack201]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 years and we are very much in love. We are both 21 and attend different colleges. To make a long story short my fantasy involves her messing around with a guy she might find attractive. She was a virgin when we met so I was the first guy she had sex with. She has only kissed a couple guys before we dated, but has never done anything else sexual with anyone else. Our sex life is great and we are very much in love, and we have a great time together. For some reason I have this fantasy and I cant help it. I think maybe it has to do with her not having experienced anyone else sexually. I know many people find her attractive and I find that to be a turn on.

I know I am not a jealous person and if she ever came to me and said she wanted to experience someone else I would love that idea. I have tried to forget about this fantasy, but it pops in my head from time to time when she mentions studying with one of her good guy friends or whenever shes out at a party. Even just the thought of her dancing with another guy turns me on, but she is very conservative and not much of a dancer. How do I tell her about this? and does anyone have any experience with this in their 20s?

[Gratedwasabi]

I know many people find her attractive and I find that to be a turn on.

Slippery, slippery slope, my friend. I've tried many, many things and what you're thinking about is one of them. We broke up about a week later because we both felt guilty as hell and what seemed like a great idea when we were aroused turned into a horribly awkward, confrontational, and unpleasant mess for both of us. Very. Very. VERY. Slippery slope. I ended up almost decking the guy and shoving him out of my apartment and she bawled and went home and.. yeah.

Even the suggestion could potentially freak her out, BIG TIME. Especially if she was a virgin before you. My suggestion? W-a-i-t. Do other things. Playing with others outside of the relationship is, in my opinion, one of the most risky kinks. Anything done between you two, okay, maybe you don't like it, big deal.. don't do it again. But that.. you don't like it, I guarantee you will never forget about it.

I'm not saying it could never happen. Some people love it and do it regularly. But if she's inexperienced, you really should work your way up the kink tree first because if you're having fairly mundane sex and then tell her you want her to do stuff with another guy for you.. probably not going to go over well.

You could try hinting at it (after or during sex is ALWAYS the best time to discuss kink.) Ie.. "I really wish I was able to watch you more fully while you had sex, I can only imagine how sexy you look."

[clack201]

Yeah, I guess I would have to start small hahah

[Gratedwasabi]

Yeah, I guess I would have to start small hahah

Yeah, that's really either a "I don't care about this chick and willing to lose her, no problem" or "I absolutely know for sure she wouldn't be offended by the suggestion and we both could handle and enjoy it." Deal.

Women don't take it well when you ask them to mess around with other guys. Haha.

[warriormaiden]

If she's as conservative as you say, then asking her to sleep with another man would be a total insult. Either suck it up, and forget about this fantasy, or dump her and find another girl who will.

If I were you, I mainly would apply this kind of kink to a hook up, that you're not emotionally invested with.

[clack201]

I know i could suck it up and not mention it. It just interesting to think about if she would want to experience someone else. Everyone is attracted to other people at some point and I think it would be fun for her to experience giving a guy she finds hot, whther it is oral or just hooking up or whatver.

[Gratedwasabi]

I know i could suck it up and not mention it. It just interesting to think about if she would want to experience someone else. Everyone is attracted to other people at some point and I think it would be fun for her to experience giving a guy she finds hot, whther it is oral or just hooking up or whatver.

The notion is intriguing but the reality, when jealousy starts flowing and she feels like a used whore.. not so fun.

[warriormaiden]

And she WILL feel like a used whore.

[Ryan Heitzman]

May be off topic, but I think some fanatasies are okay. I have a certain one also and I think you have the threesome type of fantasy or somethin. I could be wrong though.

[Kaius]

Now why would the idea of your woman having sex with another man turn you on? I mean, if that idea fancies you, you guys shouldn't be together.
This is a fantasy not worth exploring.

[blent]

sounds kinda gay... your fantasy should be to have another WOMAN, as in a threesome with 2 chicks not 2 dudes

[blackman]

do you have a small penis or something???? why the **** would you want her to **** someone else? espeically if you are in deeply in love with her, this is pretty sick and just shows how the society is getting messed up

[MrCoffee]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 years and we are very much in love. We are both 21 and attend different colleges. To make a long story short my fantasy involves her messing around with a guy she might find attractive. She was a virgin when we met so I was the first guy she had sex with. She has only kissed a couple guys before we dated, but has never done anything else sexual with anyone else. Our sex life is great and we are very much in love, and we have a great time together. For some reason I have this fantasy and I cant help it. I think maybe it has to do with her not having experienced anyone else sexually. I know many people find her attractive and I find that to be a turn on.

I know I am not a jealous person and if she ever came to me and said she wanted to experience someone else I would love that idea. I have tried to forget about this fantasy, but it pops in my head from time to time when she mentions studying with one of her good guy friends or whenever shes out at a party. Even just the thought of her dancing with another guy turns me on, but she is very conservative and not much of a dancer. How do I tell her about this? and does anyone have any experience with this in their 20s?

Have you considered this from every angle and every eventuality, not just the idealised sequence of events that plays in your head? What if she objects to the suggestion and it leads to it being an issue between you, or worse? What if she goes through with it and hates the experience and you for 'putting her in the position'? What if she enjoys it so much that she concludes that she wants to see other people instead of you?

I have gotten to fool around with another woman with my wife's consent whilst she watched, not too dissimilar to your own particular idea. However we've been together for 17 years, married for 5 and despite various ups and downs we talked at length with brutal honesty before we agreed to try it. We also laid a whole set of ground rules out; what was acceptable sexual behaviour, what wasn't, that either of us could call an immediate halt to proceedings without notice and we'd both comply, that if either of us was uncomfortable at any point we'd stop there and then etc. What you can't predict is the third party's behaviour and reaction to all of the above. There's also the question of who the third part would be; someone you know, she knows, you both know, absolute stranger. Each has their own benefits and drawbacks & risks. There's also the chance of what is so erotic and thrilling in your mind's eye might be so much less for real, even distasteful. What if this were to happen and she was to enjoy it more than she thought she might? The entire dynamic of your relationship would irrevocably change. You probably need to consider this from every conceivable angle and outcome in your own mind before entertaining discussing it with your girlfriend.

As to how to start the conversion, who knows. Has she ever indicated an interest in other people or a threesome? if so, is she happy for it to be a fantasy or for more? Essentially by bringing the matter up you're taking a small risk in that she might hate the idea and resent you for harbouring the notion, leave alone for bringing it up.