I had 2 awesome dates with this girl, but it didn't work out. What went wrong?

[LtSurge]

I met a girl on a dating website. She lives in New York. I'm from New York but go to school in Montreal. I will graduate in April and be in New York full time after that. I initiated contact with her in late November and exchanged several messages. We agreed to meet when I got home for my winter break.

She's 22 and has graduated from university. She will be going to medical school in a few months. I'm 22 and have one semester left of university. I am debating whether to go into journalism or law school.

For our first date, I took her to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I thought the date might only last a couple of hours before I met her, but we hit it off and got along so well that it lasted over 6 hours. She made every excuse to stay with me as long as possible. At the end of the date, she said that she had such a good time with me and it was just the opposite of so many other first dates that she has had, which have been awkward for her.

The next day, I called her and asked if she was free on a particular day, and she said she was. So we had dinner and a movie. Dinner was great. The conversation never lagged. At the movie, I said cutely in the middle "Can I put my arm around you?" She giggled and said yes. I held my arm around her and she leaned her head on my shoulder for the rest of the movie. Before we parted, I leaned into say goodbye not knowing if I should truly kiss her only because we were in a very public place - but her eyes said she wanted to be kissed and she leaned that way, so we kissed for about 15 seconds. Then we pulled away, looked into each others eyes and kissed again for another 7 or 8 seconds. Then we said goodbye and had another quick kiss.

I felt quite good after this. Only problem was that she was going away for a few days and I was leaving for montreal right after that. In a series of texts (she was having bad phone service upstate) I essentially said that I really liked her and that I would like to see more of her in the future, and I wanted to know if she felt the same way. She said she had a really great time with me and that she would certainly like to see me again as well. She said "Why don't I give you a call when I get back home and finally have normal phone service?"

The night she got home, she sent a text saying "I just got home and I'm so tired. Have a safe flight tomorrow". 2 days later I tried to call and text her but couldn't get a hold of her. 2 days later I tried again but couldn't get a hold of her. Now I thought I was starting to get the message. So I sent her an email saying that I'm emailing her because I'm not sure if her phone is working. And I also said that if this is not the issue, then forget I mentioned it - but if you're not interested in seeing each other anymore that's okay, but I would really appreciate it if she could get back to me and tell me that because it would mean a lot to me to hear from her. And that if that was the case I would still like to remain friends.

Soon after, she wrote back saying that she was sorry, that her phone had not been working for several days and she was waiting for a new one to arrive. She said that she had a truly wonderful time with me but she had come to the conclusion that she was not interested in a romantic relationship. She said that I was a great guy and that she would certainly appreciate it if we could remain friends.

Another factor to consider - whereas for several weeks before she was logging onto the dating website every single day without exception, sometime between our second date and when she wrote the email to me she deleted her online dating account.

I know I'll get over this, I mean it was only 2 dates. It wouldn't be hard at all except for the fact that she is a stunningly beautiful girl (truly model worthy, no kidding) who is also sweet and intelligent. And also the fact that I thought things were going so well, and I just don't know why things didn't work out.

For any of you who actually took the time to read what I wrote, is there any way to explain what might have gone wrong, or why she didn't have interest in continuing the romantic relationship even though we were clicking so well and the last time I saw her I was putting my arm around her and giving her a goodnight kiss?

[BeneathTheSun]

I'm not sure if this is what happened to you but I've been through a similiar thing recently. I met this girl at a bar and we locked eyes and she started to tell the people around her that she thought I looked great (I know this because one of the girls she was my sister and she told it to me some moments later). With this in mind I walked up to her with confidence and I got her number and I thought this is gonna work out really well.

I texted some days later. No reply.

Next weekend at another bar I see her, I ask her: "Why haven't you replied?" - "Oh, I have no money so I can't reply" I didn't really believe it. But I said: "Fine, then I will give you a call" she said OK. I called some days later, after a while a man answers... I emailed her and I said: "You don't reply on my text and you let a man answer your phone, I'm not intrested in anything now besides an explaination."

Well, she was trying to resolve thins with her ex and this was the dude who answered. So, in your case I believe that her phone was not broken, and it is in fact another dude in the picture. I'm sorry, but this happens.

[vashti]

I don't know what happened, but it's very possible she contemplated how a relationship would affect her during medical school, and decided it was best to postpone. And she's right - medical school is very demanding. She wouldn't have time for a relationship, anyway.

[LtSurge]

I don't think it's the med school thing for her right now, because otherwise she wouldn't have been looking for a relationship in the first place. Although I agree med school is brutal and that it's probably going to keep her "on the market" for many years, because you're right - it's hard to have a serious relationship while in med school.

I figured it was some combination of the following factors for her:

1 - She's just become more interested in another particular guy - possibly someone she has been dating since before our first date. These girls often date several guys at one time and try to find one they like best. It would also explain why she deleted her OkCupid account.
2 - Girls who are 22 and done with college (especially those going to med school) tend to be more interested in guys in their mid-20s or so who have a more clear career direction than 22-year-old guys who still need to finish up their undergraduate degree.
3 - We only had 2 dates and the not being able to see each other for several months thing really made a relationship not worth pursuing for her.
4 - She just didn't find me that attractive.

I just hope it was combination of the first 3 things I mentioned as opposed to the 4th, for self-confidence reasons. I'd like to think that she would not have gone on 2 dates with me and made out with me if she didn't think I was attractive enough to do so.

I really am interested in remaining friends with her, because she is a really great person. And although I know the chance is small and I'd never count on it, maybe somewhere down the road she might even give dating me another chance again, given that we had such great chemistry on our first two dates together.

[HeartIsAching]

Does it really matter?

It didn't work out. Move on.

[LtSurge]

I've had things not work out before. I've had girlfriends, and I know why she broke up with me or I broke up with her, etc.. I've had dating partners that didn't lead to anything more serious for pragmatic reasons. I've had a couple of bad first dates where no explanation was needed for why it didn't go anywhere.

This was the first time I felt I REALLY connected with a girl, it seemed to be heading in the right romantic direction and then I suddenly learn that it didn't work out. I should be able to wipe my hands and move on... which of course is what I will do but it's hard for me to not at least wonder out loud "What the heck happened?" as opposed to brushing it off and pretending nothing happened. As I said, I wish I could do that, but this girl was just so beautiful both physically and as a person that it makes you just say "...Damn..."

[Boisdevie]

The reasons don't matter. She told you she isn't interested. You have no choice but to accept this

[VincenzoG91]

She had 3 awesome dates with somebody else, then made a decision.

[LtSurge]

^ I think that's probably the most likely scenario as well. (especially given that she probably-not-so-coincidentally removed her okcupid account at the same time this has happened - a sign she is taking herself off the dating market for the time being)

And given that I'm 400 miles away from her right now, the odds were against me being her #1 choice right now...

Ahh well. Guess I'll just move on now.

[KingZ]

Stuff your face with a red velvet cake. You'd probably have a better time doing that than sleeping with her anyway.

[xxazurexx]

I reckon she probably wasn't all that into you to start with. Some people are just good at faking what a great time they had - outta politeness I guess.

[xxazurexx]

Stuff your face with a red velvet cake. You'd probably have a better time doing that than sleeping with her anyway.

Originally Posted by doppelgaenger View Post
OH, and while you claim that this is an entirely WESTERN thing, the only women acknowledged in the sources as participating in this behavior are women from the UK.

Off topic, but which thread does your quote lie in??

[KingZ]

Off topic, but which thread does your quote lie in??

You can click the blue button in the quote and it'll take you directly to it.

[xxazurexx]

^Thanks, shame it was closed....an awful lot of shite in there that needed correcting, lol.

[LtSurge]

" I reckon she probably wasn't all that into you to start with. Some people are just good at faking what a great time they had - outta politeness I guess."

If she just wanted to be "polite", couldn't she just have made a friendly excuse to leave a couple of hours into our museum date?

Instead, our first date lasted over 6 hours - and we got dinner even though that wasn't in our original plans. Then at the end of the first date she told me how much she enjoyed our date, and it was unlike so many other first dates she'd had which have been awkward - and she said it was just too bad I'm in Montreal though. Then at the second date, she leaned her head on my shoulder during the movie, and then leaned into kiss me goodbye and made out with me.

Would a girl really do all that just to be "polite?" Because if so, girls are crazy. If I had no interest in a girl, I would certainly be nice to them, tell them I had a nice time and then make up a friendly reason to leave the first date - but I'd never do anything remotely close to what this girl did just to be "polite".