ok am i freaking out for no reason?

[snakebitten]

ok so this weekend my gf and her bestfriend went out this weekend and me and the guys all hung out and we all me up later...well while we were at a friends house my gf was checking her voicemail and i could hear that it was a guy leaving the message...so i am pissed right away...

we get home and i ask her about it and she said it is a guy that they met at the bar...what she didn't know is that i checked her phone to see if she called him back and i know she did...but when i asked her if she did she lied until i told her that i knew...i was more pissed than anything that she lied to me about it...she also told me that she had planned to meet up with this guy again and hang out because he was cool or whatever but would never hang out with him alone and would be in a public place and her friend would be there but it still pissed me off and i told her i didn't like it...

so am i freaking out or what? how would you guys have handled it?

[ran]

Maybe.

Handle it with care and hope she is honest, because she can do whatever she wants. If you get too upset, she will take it as controlling. Be calm and relax. Be sad rather then angry, you will get further. Communicate that you are worried. Then prove to her why you are together by doing somehting unique/interesting with her.

[Frebbiezadyke]

hmmm...go with her next time she chills with him and see how she is with him etc..this way its not like ur stalking her but u can still know what happand...and let her know simply and hot hostely that u feel weird about it
the truth is that if she is going to or was going to cheet on u or anything of that kind she will edvenchally if not this time
and if she was not planning on doing that..then u have no problem...how close are u two?

[Fishy]

or just meet the guy

[Steve2004]

Which ...would..happen..if he went with her to go hang out with his gf and the guy.

I wouldn't suggest either personally. if she starts getting a little weird about it, then talk to her, tell her it's really bugging you.

[moeburn]

Its only human nature...

[Steve2004]

would you like to go a bit more in depth..or..were you done?

[moeburn]

would you like to go a bit more in depth..or..were you done?

naw i'm done.

[Steve2004]

huh...alrighty

[kronos51]

Well theres a good chance hes just a cool guy, and she was worried that you would overreact if you found out. If you insist on going with her or meeting the guy it would probably make her think that you dont trust her (even if you are just worried). I would suggest just relaxing and letting it go, apologizing and just asking that in the future she let you know so you wont get worried if you accidentally find out she has a new guy friend.

Just my opinion tho

[snakebitten]

Well theres a good chance hes just a cool guy, and she was worried that you would overreact if you found out. If you insist on going with her or meeting the guy it would probably make her think that you dont trust her (even if you are just worried). I would suggest just relaxing and letting it go, apologizing and just asking that in the future she let you know so you wont get worried if you accidentally find out she has a new guy friend.

Just my opinion tho

after speaking to her friend who was with her (who happens to be my best friends gf and my ex-roommate and a current person i work with) i feel that this is what happened...she said it was no big deal and helped me see that with her explanation of what transpired that night...i feel better about it...thanks for all your replies, you guys helped a lot also...i mean she is a good girl and i don't think she would intentionally hurt me and afetr she saw how hurt i was the other night i don't think she would do anything like that again (as far as lying about what happened)

[kronos51]

Yep my gf used to kindof hide the fact that she had guy friends (she gets along much better with guys than girls). Eventually I just told her I dont care and it worries me more if you dont tell me than if you just talk about them as normal friends

[snakebitten]

Yep my gf used to kindof hide the fact that she had guy friends (she gets along much better with guys than girls). Eventually I just told her I dont care and it worries me more if you dont tell me than if you <a href="just%20talk" onmouseover="window.status='just talk'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">just talk</a> about them as normal friends

exactly the way i feel...if you hide it then i think there is a reason you are hiding it...if it is in the open the trust is there...

[sleepy]

ditto with all above - it was the duplicity, not the actual male friend, that was the problem here - it's great you worked it all out and she won't hide stuff anymore!