If this were you.......

**somo64** · 08-01-07, 01:46 AM

Here's my situation....I'm engaged to a wonderful young lady from England. I live in Missouri. We've been friends for about 2 years, engaged a little less than 1 year. We've had a fantastic relationship until this past New Years. Now she's having second thoughts. She says she still loves me but she's scared of major changes such as leaving her home to come to the states. And for the first time in her life, someone from home has taken an interest in her. Now she doesn't know what she wants. I'm due to fly over to meet her and her family in about 9 weeks. I've asked and she has told me it's ok to continue with my flight plans but she doesn't know what kind of reception I'll get even from her.
My question is this....if you were this woman( btw she's 23) would you want me to continue and come after you, trying to prove my love, devotion, that she's worth the effort, or would that be a definite deadend to this relationship.
I believe she's worth the effort and sacrifice and have been told by others both things, go get her and drop it now.
Thanks ladies....

**vashti** · 08-01-07, 02:17 AM

I think she is a bit young to be tying herself down, and if she is already having second thoughts, I am not optimistic about this lasting. Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain, even for those who are a good deal older than she is.

Should you go? I don't know. Will you be able to look at this a simply a nice vacation if she calls it all off?

**Gigabitch** · 08-01-07, 02:20 AM

Has she come over for a visit? She knows what she's getting into, doesn't she?
Could you offer to relocate to somewhere less frightening than Missouri, maybe? Could you offer to move over there for a while? This is what I'm doing with my bf- he has to come here for six months before I'll be willing to move to California to be with him there.
Yes- continue with your travel plans. A little panic on her part is perfectly understandable.

**somo64** · 08-01-07, 12:22 PM

Thanks for your replies and I'll try to answer your questions. She has been to the States although not Missouri. Location isn't a problem except for being away from family and friends. That I understand and sympathize with. All I can do is try to convince she has another family waiting for her here already not to replace hers but to give her two. Part of the problem is she's never "dated" before cause she raised a younger brother from the time she was 12. Now suddenly she has someone showing interest in her that is local.
I know that are a lot of variables and especially with her age a lot of fears and questions. It doesn't really get much better when you get older. the question though is, if you were in her shoes, would you want me to at least attempt to keep you or just let it go?

**Gigabitch** · 08-01-07, 01:59 PM

Well, if I read your posts correctly, she's engaged to someone she's never met. That's scary as Hell.

Who would want some guy who would just let them go? If she actually broke up with you and told you to leave her alone, that would be one thing, but it sounds like she's just getting cold feet. You're actually thinking about throwing in the towel because she's having doubts?

What are you thinking? Fool!

**Mathias** · 08-01-07, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Could you offer to relocate to somewhere less frightening than Missouri, maybe?

HEY!!!!

**somo64** · 08-01-07, 10:28 PM

In all honesty, I don't think I could just "throw in the towel". Unless told otherwise by her, I plan on still making the trip even if it means living at the airport for 7 days. As far as having never met, although we have never physically met, we've communicated almost daily for two years via internet chat, webcam and messenger, online voice servers, telephone etc. Most times for hours at a time. It's gotten to the point where we felt like we were together except for being able to physically reach out and touch. She admits alot of her anxiety started when for the last 3 months I lost my internet and the communication was cut drastically to 5 min phone communication every couple of weeks. I know the root cause of the problem, just not how to go about fixing it.

**vashti** · 08-01-07, 11:29 PM

Oh my God!! You've never met her in person? I'm sorry my friend, but there is NO WAY I would leave my family, friends and life to settle in Missouri, of all places, with what is tantamount to a stranger, and if she did, I would think she was crazy.

You had better meet her in person. You may find you hate each other when face-to-face.

**Mathias** · 09-01-07, 01:11 AM

Originally Posted by vashti

to settle in Missouri, of all places,

SERIOUSLY!

What's wrong with Missouri, people?

**Gigabitch** · 09-01-07, 01:32 AM

The only thing RIGHT about Missouri is you, Mathias.

**vashti** · 09-01-07, 01:36 AM

I was born in Missouri, otherwise known as misery.

**somo64** · 09-01-07, 04:45 AM

I'm actually from Florida and moved here to get away from the crazies. It's not half bad here.
Anyway I have been talking to her today. UPDATE.... It appears her father is actually on my side. "Where there is love who cares how old you are and where you live". The major issue with "mom" and others is the distance; understandable considering she can't drop in to Mom's place whenever she feels down or whatever. Since she is also my best friend, I took a chance and asked her the same thing I asked here, should I pursue or drop it. I was told I'm expected to be in England in a few weeks. She also knows I'll be trying my best to convince her and everyone else why it's ok for her to move. I'm even willing to go so far as to put out enough effort and $$$$ to go ahead with the immigration proceedings, bring her here for the 3 months she's allowed to stay with out marrying and go from there. That way she can see for herself what it would be like to be here and to see the acceptance she only hears about from my family and friends.

**somo64** · 09-01-07, 02:31 PM

Another update:
Had a good long talk with her today. Was able to dig a little deeper into the reasons behind this sudden change of heart etc. Seems that for whatever reason she's going through a stage of severe lack of emotion. She is aware of this feeling but doesn't know what to do about it. She wants to cry but can't. She has enough "feeling" to know she has hurt me and regrets it. She knows she was crazy in love with me one day and the next their was nothing, no emotion. She still cares and I feel she wants to love but needs to find a way to open up the door to let those feelings, those tears, those emotions out.
Any suggestions on what to do? And please, cracks or jokes.
BTW she is taking up my suggestion to join this forum website and ask questions for herself to try to find real answers.

**Ellynn** · 09-01-07, 07:03 PM

I think its a good idea for her to join this forum. That way maybe we can understand what she's feeling. Also, I want to ask her WHY she is engaged to a total stranger over the net that she has NEVER even met!

I think that has a LOT to do with your problems.

**Gigabitch** · 09-01-07, 09:17 PM

Dude, it's panic, not emotional distance. She's freaking out, like any sane person would when they're about to meet the man they've been engaged to for the last year. Bla bla webcam bla bla chat- none of that stuff compares at all to what it will be like to stand face to face with you.

My question to you is why aren't YOU more anxious about this? Aren't you the least bit nervous?

Is this the first time you've been engaged to someone you hadn't met in person?

And for more information, he's posted another thread here: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=16116[/url]

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