Spend extra time with GF in order to hang out with friends later = TERRIBLE IDEA

[regretfulidiot]

Hello Everyone,

I spend nearly every weekend with my girlfriend, but I spent the last two weekends studying for my finals. I only get to see her on the weekends and spend the entire week at school as we live an hour away from each other. I love her and enjoy spending this time with her. But last Friday, I had just finished my first hellish year of medical school and wanted to celebrate with some of my classmates by attending a party. I would have loved for my GF to go with me, but she didn't want to go.

Knowing that it would be unfair for me to hang out with other people when Friday evenings are normally reserved for my GF, I drove to my girlfriend's house on Thursday (the night before), even though I had a test the following morning at 8 a.m. However, she had already told me not to come to her house, since she is tired and works 10+ hours a day. she also mentioned that this was not a smart thing to do since I had a test the following morning. However, I saw it as this is my way of spending extra time with her during the week, so that maybe I could hang out with my classmates on Friday. After all, I'm not sacrificing any time with my girlfriend, I'm simply moving time that we normally spend on Friday to Thursday.

When Friday came, my girlfriend had had a rough day at work and wanted to go out to dinner and a movie with me. I agreed to go to dinner but was a little hesitant to go the movie because I wanted to attend my classmates' party. At this point, my girlfriend became very angry with me for being hesitant to go out. She hung up with me and I fell asleep. I woke up after a few hours and she called, explaining that she was angry that I didn't seem like I wanted to spend time with her that evening. We spent the next few hours arguing, with her breaking up with me. I ended up neither hanging out with her nor attending the party. I simply argued over the phone for hours and then went to bed, frustrated and angry.

The following day, I drove over to my girlfriend's house and revealed to her that I had spent extra time with her during the week because I wanted her to know that she is my first priority and that I want to do my part in the relationship if I am going to spend time with friends on the weekend. I am not going to let anything cut into the amount of time I spend with my girlfriend. She viewed this to be incredibly conniving on my part because I did not let her know that I was coming down on Thursday so I could go to the party on Friday night. We got in a huge argument.

Was it wrong for me to want to spend extra time with my girlfriend during the week so that I could attend an end-of-the-year celebration with my classmates on the weekend?

[kenny]

if you got plans with your girlfriend than you bassically cant do anything else or she we'll think thats more important. but if she didnt want to go to the party then.. well thats her own problem.
but it would have helped if you had gone to her house with flowers and saying that you were dumb to think that a party was more important than her.

[mel2208]

Well unfortunatly us women do get a little upset if their BF decided to give up time together to go to a party. BUT you did ask her and she didnt want to go. Maybe you should of just said that you would like to go the party and you will spend Thurs evening with her instead before the event had happened? at least she would of been clear of what you wanted to do. If it was me i would of understood and would of appreciated you telling me what you would liked to have done before hand. It would of saved the confusion later on.

[Junket]

Your ex was being unreasonable, you're better off.

[sehvral]

Hey, you asked her to go to the party and she said no. Not your problem at that point. Going over on Thursday really wasn't a great idea. You're not obligated to spend X hours a week with her. Some weeks you'll have more time available than others, that's how medium-distance relationships work.

It is quite childish of her to assume that she effectively "owns" your Friday nights. Getting angry about *one* night apart (especially after you agreed to drive over and have dinner with her) indicates that she is far too selfish to sustain a healthy relationship. Be glad you're rid of her.

[girl68]

I think you should have mentioned that you're coming to see her Thursday BECAUSE you won't be there Friday and want to see her BECAUSE she said no when you asked if she wanted to come to the party. Her reation was over the top but I do believe you should have mentioned your reasoning. She thought you were making an extra trip for EXTRA time but instead you were just trading.

[therealjag]

Mate get rid of her...if shes complaining about one freaking night of the year, think of what she'll be like in the future. my gf was like this too and every bloody weekend i had to spend it wit her as if she owns me...no one owns you or has the right to your time, you do what you want to do and if you feel like spending your weekend with her then you do that but if you feel like going to an annual end of year party then you should do that and she should just deal with it. if she dont like it then its her problem and then just give her the boot, its not like you'll be doing this every weekend.

[Gigabitch]

Why didn't she want to go to the party?

[Incognito]

Yeah, this is ridiculous. I could see if this was some random party, but it wasn't. For her to expect you to not go to a party that only happens once a year just to see a movie is stupid. If she broke up with you over something this petty then you are better off indeed. Move on and find a more rational woman.

PS: It will help you in the future to not assume that things like "trading" time are not worth mentioning. I think that things would have probably ended up the same with this particular woman, but next time just explain in detail what you want to do (spend another day together so that you can make it to an event with other people that is important to you).

[RdHrshyKss]

communication is key...there was obviously a lack of it in this situation and it snowballed into craziness. personally, if i wanted to spend time with my bf i would have gone to the party. i wouldn't have expected him to skip out on an annual party with his classmates celebrating the end of the year. i have friends in medical school and i know how rough it is...you needed that party and she was being very selfish to expect you to skip it to go to some dumb movie you could have seen the next week. sounds like she is very controlling. the fact that she broke up with you over it sounds like she'll go to crazy extremes to maintain that control over you. i wouldn't fight to get her back. i'd let her come apologizing to you for her overreaction and childishness. only at that point should you apologize for not communicating your intentions on thursday more clearly. if she continues to be a bitch about the whole thing and won't let up, then just move on, she isn't worth the time or stress. you're in medical school, the last thing you need is a very needy, controlling girlfriend...

[lahnnabell]

Getting a little peeved that you didn't fully explain your intentions... that I can understand. I am all about communication and you kinda screwed up there by assuming she was gonna catch on and interpret your plan correctly. Bad idea. Just like you men can't read minds, neither can we women.

HOWEVER, breaking up over that issue? WTF? That is ridiculous. Anyone that resorts to breaking up with someone as a means to solve a rather minor issue does not have the skills to compromise for a serious relationship.

I had this issue last year when my boyfriend's friends threw him a going away party before he left for a semester abroad. I wasn't explicitly invited or not invited and so I left it alone. I was a little upset that he didn't extend an invitation to me, but I realized that because he and I spent so much time together otherwise, he needed basic friend time to cut loose. There's nothing wrong with that. He's very loving and attentive otherwise, and that's what is really important to me.

Sounds like this girl needs to get her priorities in order. She's kinda just thinking up problems whenever she feels like picking a fight. If I'd been in her shoes, yes, I would've checked you, but I wouldn't have argued about it for hours, nor would I have resorted to breaking up. This could have been a simple, "Hey, next time, can you let me know what your exact plans are? I really like it when we're on the same page."

Not hard at all.